Dear Mom Like Me

Dear mom who is run down, looks like a hot mess, feels like she can't remember who she is, is sure she is failing, feels guilty because she is secretly angry inside, is convinced her life is a hamster wheel, but somehow loves being with these amazing little people even more than she is frustrated by all of the "other" things that come along with them:

You know that you're enough, so I'm not going to tell you that. You know that this too shall pass, and you probably feel like you have no right to even tell anyone how you're feeling because you don't want someone to be confused and think that you aren't grateful for your children or that by feeling this way that you somehow take your children or your moments with them for granted.

I know you don't take the kids for granted. I know you don't take the moments for granted. I know you are grateful. But I also know that you miss yourself. I know that you struggle with being depressed and happy at the same time and man, it's so confusing. I know that you want to scream at doing 400 dishes a day, that Mt. Laundry might as well be called Mt. Never Ending Treadmill and that you just wish you could be a "normal" person (i.e. showering more than once a week) again.

Dear mama, this is what you need to know. This is what I need to know. And this is what we need to remember, and remind each other of daily:

• Your children think you're beautiful.
• No one else knows how messy your house is.
• Your kids don't care how messy your house is. (oh, the irony)
• If you're like me, you just can't accept the fact that your house is going to be messy while you have young children. Instead, work on accepting the fact that you're just going to feel crappy about how the house is while you have you have young children.
• You still have the same smile that your husband fell in love with.
• You can own your new "mom" identity. 
• You don't have to let go of who you used to be. Just because you haven't ran a marathon in 2 years, played piano in 6 months, aced a college exam in 10 years, or learned a new skill that didn't involve your offspring in...a long time..., doesn't mean that those things aren't still a part of who you are. There are seasons, and just because the corn isn't being harvested now, doesn't mean it isn't growing or that it won't be planted again. And if you decide to grow squash next time instead of corn, it's ok. Your entire life makes up you, not just the present.
• It's ok to rest. 
• It's ok to have a bad day.
• It's ok to love and hate what you're doing, where you're at, and to be frustrated by the fact that you can't change it.
• And it's ok to admit that none of these things mean that you don't love your kids more than all the other moms in the world. In fact, they have no effect on the fact that you are a rockstar mom or that your kids are going to grow up, call you blessed, and talk about the awesome memories they have of childhood--because they are going to have them. 

Maybe motherhood of young children is like childbirth; it's excruciatingly difficult at moments, but after it's done, you somehow become oblivious to the difficulties you went through and just remember the amazingness of it instead. Because let's face it, it is amazing hearing a person read for the first time. To see them discover their toes. To hear them say "I love you". The fact that we know what our baby needs by the way she cries. To be the one he needs in the middle of the night. That they want to tell us EVERYTHING. That is amazing.

And you, mama, are amazing, too. Keep your eyes above the waves. You're gonna make it, and you're gonna do great.

<3 div="">

How To Get Your House In Order In Only 5 Simple Steps (for REAL people)

Let's face it--we all want a clean house. Having a clutter filled home has actually been linked to depression for women, is scientifically bad for those with adrenal fatigue, and makes us all feel yucky. Inadequate. Overwhelemed. Irritated. You know, yucky. The bigger problem, is that while there are great ideas out there, like Fly Lady's system, and good intentions, like that superstar blogger mom who has 14 children and a Pinterest worthy house, these aren't helpful for real people. People who don't have time for a lengthy system and who don't have older kids to help with the younger ones. I need to know how to do this now, and by myself, because as much as I hate to admit it, I can't get my kids to do enough around the house that it's actually helpful to me. (there. I admitted it. I have a chore chart that no one follows. You're welcome.) I also have no mother's helper, I'm gonna lose my mind if I have to wait for my husband to get home for me to start cleaning, and I refuse to stay up until 3am to sweep my floors (I'm 30. Sleep is the new "fun".).

So here it is, folks. Here is how to get your house in order without shining your sinks, making it a "goal" to get dressed every day (seriously, just get dressed), and without any photos of my gorgeous home (that you know you'll never achieve) (actually, my home is achievable).

1) Have a bonfire. Burn everything that doesn't serve a purpose. (real deal: eliminate, eliminate, eliminate! If you don't believe me, bag up a bunch of stuff and see if anyone really needs it within the next three months. They won't. Donate, giveaway, or throw out. Sell only if you truly have the time, otherwise you know it's just going to continue to sit.)

2) Get a dog. Consider her a robot vacuum. (real deal: clean as you go. Sweep after meals, wipe the bathroom sink out with your washcloth after you wash your face, throw your dirty clothes in the hamper instead of on the floor, 

3) Mary Poppins. Study and become that woman! (real deal: make things easier on yourself. Get a steam mop, a washer and dryer, a mother's helper if you can afford one, paper towels (sometimes sanity outweighs the need to be Green, it's true), stop folding your underwear, and start using pretty bins for whatever toys and books you have left.)

4) Giveaway the dishwasher. Whatever enables you has to go. (real deal: whatever enables you has to go. Yup. That dishwasher that allows you to let dishes sit, both dirty, and clean? How much time do you spend rinsing, putting in, taking out, etc.? If you only have a sink and limited counter space, you'll get the dishes washed after almost every meal. This also means you won't need as many dishes. Which starts the cycle again of you making sure you get them clean. See how motivating this is? It applies to laundry, too--only have as many clothes as you need, and you'll be getting the laundry done a lot faster.)

5) Invite people over. Weekly in-law desert nights are on the agenda. (real deal: this works, and you know it!)

Tips for Being Productive At Home

One thing that many moms struggle with is utilizing their time while at home. This doesn't just apply to stay at home moms, either! Often, we know that this is a problem but we don't know where to even begin in a way that will actually improve the situation. Fortunately, you can improve your own productivity and thus reduce your stress by staying focused on a few simple things that will make a big impact on yoru day. Print these out and post them where you can easily see them throughout the day.

Before doing anything else, ask yourself this question to see if you should even include what you're doing in your schedule:

Does this benefit myself or my family? Does this harm anyone? Am I intrinsically fulfilled by doing this? Does doing this in the way that I am and the amount of time I spend on it a true reflection of what I value and who I want to be?

Once you have established how you should approach the actions that make up your day by answering the above questions, then you can begin to apply the following rules to help yourself be more productive.

• Set a limit on your screen time. This means Facebook, Blogging, TV watching, texting, surfing the web, and checking email. Don't trick yourself by thinking that your searching for deals online is exempt from this rule! What used to be chatting on the phone for our own moms when they were raising us has now become playing games on our smart phones and getting into debates on Facebook, or even gossiping in online message board forums for us. Find a number that is reasonable (whether 20 minutes or an hour), and stick to it. Get a timer!
• Make a menu. These are easy to do, don't take a ton of time, and can be saved to reuse in the following weeks or months. You can make these weekly or monthly, and you'll find that it'll reduce your grocery bill, the amount of food you waste, and make you feel way more on top of your home management!
• Rest. It's important to find time to rejuvinate yourself, whether it's by getting a good night's sleep, reading a book, working out, or meditating. This will not only improve your mood, but also your productivity!
• Make a chore schedule. Include who's laundry gets done on what days (don't forget towels, sheets, and diapers!), the "daily" chores like sweeping and dishes, as well as the "monthly" chores like mopping and scrubbing the bathtub. Even better, put checkboxes on it so you can track and be motivated by your accomplishments. Include your children on this chore chart to help instill a good work ethic and family responsibility within them.
• Target your weakness. Do you find yourself watching TV too much during the day? Did you ever stop to think that it might be because you're lonely and lacking stimulating conversation? Try listening to a book on CD while you're folding laundry instead. By looking at the reason behind the behavior that you want to change, you may be able to find an alternative and thus eliminate the problem altogether.

Tips for creating your Home Management Binder

A home management binder is literally, a three ring binder with dividers that contain important information, menus, schedules, ideas, and so much more (I'll be giving you everything you need to make your own tomorrow!). Unfortunately, many people don't know where to start when creating a home management binder. It's simpler than you may think, though, and the effort is so worth it! You will always know where information is, have ideas at your fingertips, and will be able to manage your home more efficiently and smoothly. Here are seven tips to help you get started:

#1: Collect your supplies. 

You will need: a three ring binder (good sized), a 3-ring hole punch, paper to print forms off of your computer/Internet with, clear plastic page protectors, write on/wipe off marker, pens, tab dividers, a zippered pouch or two that will go into the binder, and a few business card page holders.

#2: Print a nice cover! 

You can download the ones in the photo for free by clicking here.

#3: Laminate/use page protectors for "to-do" lists so you can write on/wipe off instead of have to always print new ones.

#4: Keep your binder up to date.

#5: Make copies of anything really important you want to put into your binder, like automobile registrations, birth certificates, marriage certificates, diplomas, etc.. Keep those originals in a fireproof safe or filing cabinet!

#6: Use dividers to organize your binder

#7: Get the printables for the contents of your binder. We already put together a list of everything that should go in your binder, as well as a bunch of Free Printables For Your Home Management Binder. So get clicking and be organized! :)

Love Happens Here

I am the full time mama of a 3-year-old and 18-month-old. My children are 20 months apart. While I do work full time, I consider myself a stay-at-home mama just as much as I consider myself a working-outside-the-home mama. In fact, I find that the 40 hours a week that I spend at my "job" is easier and less stressful than the other 128 hours a week I spend with my kiddos. Sometimes, I think I'm going crazy, and I crave to go to work...the funny thing is, as soon as I'm at work, I miss my babies something fierce! It's a funny world, the blend between working motherhood and home motherhood.

Before anything else, I am a mother. Lately, I have been working 40-hours-straight every weekend so that I can be the one with my children during the week. I go in at 7pm Friday night, and stay until Sunday at 11am. Marvelous, it is, but it's also a schedule cut out for someone who belongs in a loony bin. Imagine the possibility of being awake for many hours straight and responsible for people's lives no matter how tired you are? Yes, I am a paramedic. And yes, your life will always come before my need for sleep and no matter how tired I am, you are going to get my absolute best care. Imagine packing three people up for three days, and getting your house in order before that so when you come back, you have something clean to wear.

Because I choose my children to come first (ok, after God!), I do things a little differently. I work ridiculous shifts so that I can be the one with them 5 days a week. The house is sometimes a mess because I don't park them in front of the TV so I can clean all of the time. I have no idea what current TV shows are playing. I haven't read anyone's blog in forever (I miss that!). Lately, I haven't even been able to work out (UGH). My sewing projects are still waiting, my bedroom still isn't arranged the way I want it to be, and sometimes, I get lonely being with no other adults sometimes for days on end. However...

There are a lot of things that we do. We do family. Lego creations get built. Magnificent make believe stories get told. Dancing in the living room happens. We do loud. Songs are sung. Pictures are painted. Baby dolls are rocked. Giggle erupt constantly. Tickle fights are a routine. Jumping on the bed (shhhhh!) sneaks in.We do discipline. Spankings, time out's, and "the look" may be given throughout the day---but they are overshadowed by hugs, attention, and the exchange of a thousand magical kisses. We do learning. Snowflakes are tasted. Letters are traced. Colors are mixed. Chores are done (even if they aren't real effective yet!). We do love.

Love happens here, and that is why those other things we don't do aren't really missed.

The Great SAHM vs. WOHM Debate

I wrote the article below for DiaperSwappers.com where I also blog at. While I'm not really supposed to double post, I wanted to get some input on your thoughts about this article before I post it over at Diaper Swappers. The reason is that I want to make sure I articulated myself well enough to not offend everyone and that I'm not creating more problems than I'm solving. Please leave me your thoughts as a comment below--should I post this article over at Diaper Swappers, or not?

I began my mothering career by being at home full time for the first six weeks of my daughter's life. Six weeks and five days after her birth, I returned to my full time weekday and part time Saturday job with breast pump and tissues in tow. I continued this journey for the next 17 months until I was pregnant with my second child and taken off of work at 32 weeks gestation due to pregnancy complications. My daughter was 18-months-old at that time and I felt as though I had missed all of her infancy. We spent the next 8 weeks cuddling and playing to make up for the time spent apart, finally with me as a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM).

After my son was born, I began working part time when he was five-weeks-old. With two babies in tow, I am ever so thankful that my husband was able to finally find a job after a two year search. While I still have to work to make ends meet, I am now a work-out-of-home-mom (WOHM) two days a week, a work-at-home-mom (WAHM) one day a week, and a SAHM for the other four days. Having experienced all of these different mothering styles has allowed me some insight into the challenges and rewards of each one, and I can now say that I think the enjoyment and difficulty level of each one just depends on the mother and the circumstances surrounding why she is one of these three things.

When I was a WOHM, I would often receive snide comments from sometimes well meaning and sometimes not so well meaning individuals. They were from all three types of mothers—not just from SAHM's which many people assumed. The interesting thing, though, is that as a SAHM and now part time WOHM, I'm still receiving comments—they're just of a different sort! It seems as though the dreaded “mommy wars” hound mothers for their titles of WOHM/SAHM/WAHM. It's too bad, because being a mother is hard enough without being judged and criticized for your work status.

Here's a secret that a lot of moms seem to forget: we don't all like the status we're currently in. I despised being a full time WOHM and I still hold true to that even after being a full time SAHM (contrary to the ever popular “so do you still want to be home?” question I'm asked after experiencing the life of a SAHM...like I'm supposed to start dreading it after two weeks or something)! However, I know women who hate being SAHM's and prefer to work away from the home. And guess what: it's okay to be different.

Remember that the mothers in your situation and those in a different situation may not be there because they want to be. Be careful what you say, because your innocent comment may strike the dagger into the heart of the mom who would do anything to be in your shoes. Having now seen both sides of the story, I can attest to wanting to pull my hair out from being home with two babies for three days straight and not even having had time to pee. But I can also attest to crying all day at work because someone else is watching my daughter roll over for the first time. Motherhood isn't about which role is more difficult, and if we're honest, the martyrdom of having the “toughest” work status (whichever we determine that to be on any given day) doesn't actually make us a better mother than the one who we think has it “easier.”

A woman's work status doesn't determine her intelligence level, talent, or capabilities. It shouldn't determine her character, either, so let's stop warring over the great WOHM vs. SAHM debate. Instead, next time we're about to say something or be offended by something someone else said, let's remember that we're all different. Sometimes, a mama just needs to vent. It isn't a jab at someone else for the SAHM to say that she's ready to ship her kids to Taiwan or for the WOHM to say that she would be fine if the only people she ever spoke to again were her kids. Sometimes, a mama just needs encouragement, and sometimes, a mama just needs to know that it's okay to dislike, or even to like, her status.

So the next time you're about to be offended by something someone said, or when you're about to say something in regards to working in the home, at home, or away from home, stop and remember. Remember that what makes us mothers isn't our work statuses. It is the fact that we love our children, want what's best for them, and are going to do whatever we have to do to make that happen. Love, not work, is what makes the world go 'round.

My First Day As A SAHM

I’ve been home now for almost three weeks after being taken off of work early due to pre-labor symptoms. My midwife thought that if I didn’t have the stress of work, then my contractions, cramping, and trouble breathing would subside. I thought it would, too. Then, I met my toddler.
Let me preface this by saying that it has been my DREAM to be at home with my beautiful 18-month-old since I had to go back to work full time + when she was only 6-weeks-old. I never stopped crying, and though things got easier over the next year, having someone else take care of her has been the hardest and most depressing thing I’ve ever gone though. So really, even if I can’t work thanks to health reasons, I’m at home with my daughter now and that thrills the socks off of me!

So Day One came. Yes, I’m very pregnant. Yes, my house is a complete disaster because I’m never home long enough to clean it up other than the essentials. And yes, our kitchen is torn out and so all three of us are sleeping in our nursery as the rest of our rooms hold kitchen cabinets, dishes, and all of our bedroom contents. All of this was okay, though. We slept in (until 8am which was a big change from 6:15am!), ate our breakfast on the couch, and I even washed all of our dirty dishes in the bathroom sink and had them drying on a clean towel on the floor next to the bathtub which I had just scrubbed and sanitized (toys and shower walls included) the night before.

Things were going well and I wasn’t too exhausted yet, so I decided to attempt giving LoveBug a bath (not easy with this belly of mine). I managed with difficulty to wash her hair and had just finished rinsing it when I noticed something coming out of her bottom. You’ve got it, my daughter decided to poo in the bathtub. It was a lot (seriously a lot), and it began to spread. I grabbed her out and put her next to me while I tried to quickly scoop any solids I could get into a bucket and then into the toilet. In the meantime, I have a dripping wet toddler next to me who wants to get back in, and a towel thrown over the dishes in an attempt to protect them as I dripped water across them.

Then my daughter decides to pee all over my leg and the floor where she’s standing. How she managed to not just do this while she was otherwise relieving herself surrounded by floating ducks and boats, I don’t know. So there I am, huffing and puffing, pregnant belly, clean dishes on the floor, dripping wet toddler…all in front of a bathtub now ridden with bacteria, bath toys, and a sippy cup that I foolishly allowed my daughter to play with in the tub for the first time in her life. *sigh*

Somehow, I managed to only spend the next half hour to hour re-cleaning and sanitizing everything in the tub again. Thankfully, my daughter only had to pee once more during all of this and so my leg was left wet but not dripping by the time we could escape the bathroom. When it was all said and done, though, I got to sit on my couch with a naked toddler, smothered in little kisses and nose rubs, and met with the biggest and beautiful-est of smiles.

I wouldn’t trade this for the world.

I love you, LoveBug, and I’m glad to be your mama…even if I have to scoop out the bathtub water.

The Diaper Free Baby book Review & Giveaway!

A big thanks to A Mother's Boutique for being a big sponsor of the Baby Mama Shower!

The Diaper Free Baby book Review & Giveaway

The Diaper Free Baby is a book about elimination communication (EC) by mother and Dr. Christine Gross-loh . I didn’t know much about EC before reading this, except that it sounded too good to be true (and a bit crazy) to think that an infant could use a potty instead of diapers. Well, I started reading and ended up not being able to put the book down. I highlighted it, thought about the principles explained, and then tried it with my then 17-month-old daughter. I am now a convert to EC and think that every single mama should receive this book at her baby shower!


Here are the basics in a nutshell: throughout history and even currently today, many countries only have their babies in diapers for a few months if even that. The US keeps our kids in diapers the longest, and this is really a more recent phenomenon with the invention of disposable diapers. Babies don’t particularly like to sit in their waste (have you ever noticed that a young baby will pee when you take the diaper OFF?), and in fact, we condition them to go in diapers. Eventually, a baby will ignore and then not realize his elimination signals. We as parents could notice these signals from very early on, just like we notice hunger or sleep cues in our child…however, we are taught that an infant isn’t able to eliminate in anything but a diaper, so we ignore those signals. As our baby turns into a toddler and gets to the age when she doesn’t want to do as she’s told or emulate mommy anymore, then we decide to “potty train” and teach our children to stop eliminating in a diaper and to start eliminating in a potty…except they don’t know their own elimination signals anymore! All sorts of interesting things are put into play during our traditional potty training, and often, it turns into a power struggle instead of something that just happens naturally.

Elimination Communication, in contrast, is about the caretaker or parent paying attention to the baby’s elimination cues and not ignoring them. That’s it. It’s not about “potty training” an infant, really. It’s not “training the parent”, as many well meaning people tell me is what I’m doing (haha!). It’s about me paying attention to my child and responding to what she is communicating to me. I wish I could tell you everything about the book—it covers the history and cultural aspects of potty training, the reasons behind using elimination communication, personal stories, photos (which my daughter loves—in fact, I had to read after she went to bed because if she saw me pull the book out during the day, she would take it from me so she could look at the photos of babies on potties!), and detailed information on how you can practice EC with your child.

The biggest thing that struck me (other than the fact that ECing makes a lot more sense than potty training) is that I can do it as a working mom. If I had known this before, I would have read this book before. I had thought that only stay-at-home moms who can chase behind their child with a bowl all day long could do this. In The Diaper Free Baby, it’s explained that you can actually practice ECing part time and even if you’re a working mom who only has a half an hour a day to spend going diaper free. I was pretty skeptical about the whole thing even though it sounded brilliant, but decided I would try it and not feel bad if it didn’t work out (the book offers great support to parents for the times when their child will NOT use the potty, too). LoveBug had just turned 17-months and I had ordered a little potty (which turned out to be a big potty, but I hadn’t gotten to the potty suggestions in the book yet and so didn’t realize that the typical “little” potties available in our US stores are actually fit for a 3-year-old, not my 20-pounder!). I let her go without a diaper for about an hour two different evenings during the week. I paid attention to what she did before she eliminated, and said “pepepepe” when she peed. When Saturday came, I let her run around without a diaper all day. She peed on the floor three times, and each time I tried to whisk her to the potty before she was done, all the while talking to her about it and making sure I said “pepepe” and made the sign language sign for “toilet.” I was about to give up when I decided to just let her try one more time. Sure enough, the next time she had to go, she pointed to herself and I took her to the potty where she peed. The second time, the same thing. The third time, she ran over by herself and sat down! This is my girl who uses sign language but who won’t say more than “da”!

Needless to say, I am completely impressed and I think it has nothing to do with her or I being extra talented or smart. It’s simply because I learned things in the Diaper Free Baby that I didn’t otherwise know. Now at 18-months-old and me being home with her full time for the last two weeks (thanks to being taken off of work early due to pre-labor symptoms), she is using the potty multiple times a day. She still wears a diaper sometimes and goes on the floor sometimes, but it’s almost always because she’s too “busy” to go potty. If I ask her to go, she goes every time! She’s also now telling me when her diaper is wet (she wants it off now), is recognizing her own elimination signals full time, and has started using the “potty” ASL sign.

I will be using EC much, much earlier with my son, now that I understand it. I actually feel bad now leaving a child in a dirty or wet diaper—why should they have to sit in that when they could just go in a potty?! This book has shown me that EC makes sense, is better for the child (and environment), and really can be done. I also feel good about myself now, knowing that I’m allowing my child to naturally develop her ability and choice to use a potty instead of me forcing it upon her, and that I’m not having her sit in her own waste just because she doesn’t mind.

Buy It! Visit http://www.amazon.com/Diaper-Free-Baby-Natural-Training-Alternative/dp/0061229709?ie=UTF8&tag=life0fd-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969and buy two copies-one to keep and one to give to a friend.

Win It! Just tell me why you want to have a copy of this book. Be sure to leave your email address and a separate comment for each entry! Contest will end on or after June 15th at 1200 hours, EST.

*Blog about this contest or tell people about it through a parenting forum (2 entries)

*Subscribe to or follow me (each different way = 1 entry; Blogger, Google Reader, Facebook, Twitter, etc.)
*Fav me on Technorati or otherwise vote me up somewhere
*Grab my regular button (2 entries)
*Have another great idea to spread the word? Do it and tell me how you did!
*Tell me your own potty-training or elimination communication story

This review is based on a sample book provided by Dr. Christine Gross-loh No other compensation was received.

Updates for ya'll

I am officially a stay-at-home-mom right now.

*big smile*

There's a lot I could say about this, but in a nutshell, it came into place because I've been having lots of contractions and other pre-birth symptoms for the last month and my midwife said "enough" at our last appointment. So I'm technically on disability leave until after the baby comes.

With this bittersweet turn of events in my life (THRILLED because I get to be with my 18-month-old daughter, but also nervous because I think I'm going to have an early baby and my house is currently torn apart due to remodeling, I have nothing ready for a baby, and by golly, I want him to be able to breathe when he's born, so I'd really appreciate it if he waited until we were 37 weeks along so that I don't have to visit him in the NICU and so that we can have our water birth!), also comes the distressing news that I don't currently have Internet access at my house. You know what that means--things will be delayed!

Because you're all awesome, though, I know you'll hang in there until I get the Internet at my house (advertisers, anyone?). :-) I won't be able to draw the winners of any of the Baby-Mama Shower contests today, so feel free to keep entering until I announce on here that they are closed (see? aren't you glad you read this post now?). Piece by piece, I'll continue to post the rest of the Baby-Mama Shower reviews and giveaways and I also have some other REEEEEEEEEAAALLY exciting things planned for the upcoming months!

So that's that until I have more time to write (I'm at the library right now and only have 36 remaining minutes until my time online is up, lol).

<3 Rachel