Reviving Life

 There are times when life gets crazy. You know the feeling. It might be bills, overbearing neighbors and people groups, job stressors, too many commitments...adjusting to life as a working mom, a stay at home mom, or a home schooling mom. Trying to balance an addition to the family. Dealing with an unruly pet. Figuring out how to not go crazy at home with the never ending cycles that come with being with small children all day. Figuring out how to not go crazy trying to balance working outside the home and meeting those small children's needs for mommy. Facebook addiction. Phone addiction. Pinning all the things instead of doing all the things. You get it.

My family was there. Really, we've been there for a few years. Our "crazy" has meant court battles, managing a child with PTSD episodes and other behaviors that are hard to manage, two years of not living in our own home, periods of joblessness, job changes, living in a small apartment with five people, me homeschooling and managing moving and the kids while my husband has been away more than he hasn't for his job the last year...but it's starting to break. Homeschooling is getting easier. My husband just came home after being gone for almost all of the last three months (even though he's gone again next week). My daughter is currently in an improved phase, and I found some REALLY promising resources for her in the location we're in now. Our family court appeal is going to be heard on October 28, and we currently don't have any other ongoing trials to deal with. And today...today, we are finally closing on this beautiful log cabin home in the woods. Peace. Wow!

It's a long story, and it still continues. But God is faithful. He has so much love for us, and He has continued to provide even when our circumstances have literally been impossible. I am so thankful, so grateful, so humbled by it all. How great the Father's love for us.

So we're beginning. Continuing. Reviving ourselves as we near the end of the struggles we've been facing. Running as fast as we can toward the relief that we want to wash over us. Being silent, because we don't know what to say as we just breathe. It feels so good to finally breathe again, and not in hurried, panicked breathes that we choke on as we try to save ourselves. If I've learned anything, it's that we can't save ourselves. We can't save our children. We can't save anyone. We can only release ourselves. Release our children. Release others.

Today, we mark another step in reviving our life, and we are so ready.

4 Things To Know About Child Sexual Offenders + Resources for Parents of Juvenile Sexual Offenders

I wasn't going to write on this topic again, but alas, it appears that a post that covers juvenile sexual offenders would be helpful to the general public. I'm glad people are eager for this information, because there is a lot of misinformation going around right now. I hope that the information and resources here will put minds at rest and abate some fears, as well as bring hope for a future without abuse.

1. Being a sexual offender is not the same as being sexually curious or sexually acting out. Curiosity is normal, sexually acting out is a result of something else (it can even be a result of violence, other abuse or neglect, etc.), and sexually offending means you are repeatedly doing this, knowing that it's wrong (these aren't the scientific definitions--look them up to learn the differences).
2. Children who offend are different than adults who offend. The police, courts, and programs understand this. You don't need to worry that by seeking out legal or professional help, that your child is going to be sent to prison. That's not how it works. (See "Understanding Juvenile Sexual Offending...")
3. There are treatment programs available for child offenders to help them act safely in the community and at home. These aren't "jails". They are programs, and precautions are taken to make sure your child isn't going to "learn" from another offender. Again, this isn't prison. In fact, the research shows that a community/home based approach is effective (http://www.publicintegrity.org/2013/04/24/12559/new-therapy-proves-effective-juvenile-sex-offenders) 
4. Many child sexual offenders will not continue to offend. Hallelujah! Again, they aren't little adults. (See "Understanding Juvenile Sexual Offending...")

If your child, or a child you know, is acting in a sexually abusive way towards others, you need to take action and get help for that child (and also the victims). Here are some resources to get you started:

1. Understanding Juvenile Sexual Offending Behavior: Emerging Research, Treatment Approaches and Management Practices This article explains the characteristics, typology, treatment research, justice trends, intervention research and models, abuser assessment, treatment, and recommendations for practice (READ THE RECOMMENDATIONS).
2. Sex Offender Treatment Services PASS Program: http://www.nyap.org/sex-offender-treatment-service/4576110432. This is for youth, and is done while they are at home or in therapeutic foster care. It works with the youth, the families, and others involved. It's a treatment team approach, which all treatment is in these situations.
3. The Marsh Foundation has an example of a inpatient treatment program for male child/teenage offenders. Even though the child stays on site for generally 6-12 months to complete the program, the family must take part in the program and completion is influenced by the home and family environment.
4. Your local social service/law enforcement agency are who will have the resources you need. They are not going to look at your child with disgust, but instead will be compassionate and will understand your outcry for help. Your child has to be brave enough to receive treatment, and you have to be brave enough to get it for them. Check for local support groups for parents of juvenile sexual offenders, and check out this Handbook for Parents and Caregivers of juvenile sexual offenders. 

Above all else, remember that there is always, always hope. The best days are yet to come.

For The Girls (a response to Josh Duggar's abuse scandal)

The media is blowing up right now. Facebook. News sites. Blogs. Twitter. Most of what I'm reading is about how we should all not judge Josh Duggar because we all made mistakes when we were 14, too, and that Jesus said that "he who is without sin should cast the first stone." The other 1/3 of what I see is about how Josh Duggar should lose everything and no be allowed around people and so on.

But did you notice something?

It's all about Josh Duggar.

Do I have thoughts about him? Yes. Do I think that the opinions that are carelessly using the Bible and disrespectfully implying that the heart of God loves forgiveness more than He hates sin are wrong? Yes. And am I going to let all of that go right now? Yes.

I'm letting it go because none of this should be about Josh Duggar. In our outrage, shock (or for some of us, not so much shock), and need to try to make sense of all of this, society has focused on Josh. And they shouldn't. Because Josh will reap the consequences of his own actions, as is normal and as he should. But there are at least five other people out there, plus all of his family, who will also suffer. And no one is talking about them. When did we become a society that became so moved by Hitler that we forgot about the Jews? An abuser is no one without his or her victims, and every time that you get into a discussion that leaves the victims out, you have become focused on the wrong person.

I get that we need to make sense of this. I get that everyone is clawing for a reason--what was missed? How could this have been prevented? Would the outcome or anything be different if it had been handled any differently? All of these questions should be considered, and it's important, oh so important, to understand that these things do happen and to understand how they should be handled (as if there is a one-size-fits-all answer to that). Except that to ask those questions right now puts the focus on me, and my need to somehow make this work in my head and my heart. But it's not about me. And it's not about you.

So this post, this blog, this lady whose heart wishes there were never stories like this, is for the girls.

Dear Girls,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry it happened. I'm sorry it was your brother. I'm sorry he had to continue living with you. I'm sorry that now instead of being who you are, society just sees you as a victim right now. I'm sorry that society is focused on him. I'm sorry that you have no voice right now.

I'm proud of you for telling. I'm proud of you for not being afraid. I'm proud of you for not forgetting. I'm proud of your for your willingness to forgive, though I hope that you have also been able to make peace with things and that you do truly understand what happened had nothing to do with you or your actions. I'm proud that you haven't let this define who you are.

I hope that you are able to experience your emotions and not just shut them down. I hope that you are able to say what you need to say, regardless of which spectrum it lies on. I hope that you have been able to, or will be able to, have correct and truthful thinking and understanding regarding sexuality, male roles, and what God really thinks about abuse.

You are worthy. Your identity has nothing to do with this. You will move on from this media outburst, it will get better, and you will be fine. Hold your head up, let yourself feel what you need to feel, do what you need to do, and know that your best days are still yet to come. You are enough, and our God is not a God who condones abuse. Ever. He didn't want that to happen to you, and He will be your Jehovah Nicci, your banner, as you shelter in the shadow of His wings.

I know that you know that you're going to be ok. I know that I don't know the details of your recovery or any of your thoughts on the matter. I just want you to know that it's ok to feel whatever you're feeling, and that you aren't forgotten.

You are not forgotten. I will not forget you, and I will stand for you.

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--> Please see our next post on 4 things to know about child sexual offenders & resources for parents of juvenile sexual offenders to better understand how you can help fight this within your own home. <-- font="">

Note: the original title of this article is changed because I realized after the fact that it was the same as another similar article posted here: http://www.salembirthsupport.com/#!This-Ones-for-the-Girls-A-Duggar-Response/cupf/555f43a90cf23d0164b4313b . I had previously read that article and must have really resonated with the title of it, haha! Please also check out the article here that I just linked, as it's beautiful and needs to be read. So much love to her and the other many boys and girls who have been victims of sexual abuse.

Note #2: PLEASE feel free to leave your responses to this article here and not just on Facebook as it makes it circulations. This way, others who have been affected, and maybe even the girls it's written to may read it and be encouraged and embraced. I don't ever censor comments, but I do withhold the right to do so about this post as this is to be only a safe space concerning this issue. 

Rachel's Creed

I believe in healing and the full restoration of wounded people.
I claim that for myself and my family.

I believe in the provision of a propitiation --perfect substitute-- for desperate situations.
I trust that God will bring one about for myself and my children in His timing.

I believe the promise that God will heal the broken hearted, binding up their wounds.
I am comforted in knowing that I won't hurt forever.

I believe the promise that God will turn our mourning into dancing.
I am excited to know my life will be abundant.

I believe that past suffering can be used to bring about the survival of many people.
I will use my journey as a way to lift others up.

I believe that I do not have to be hurt in the same way again.
I will choose to be healthy and protect myself while loving extravagantly.

I believe that God is all I need, and He will lead me beside still waters.
I will not follow temptation to have anything replace what He can give me.

I believe that I am valuable.
I will live in a way that models for my children that one's value is not dependent upon what happens to her.

I believe that my future is beautiful.
I have peace and joy when I think about what is to come. 

What are you claiming for yourself today?