A borrowed thought on birthing without fear

I began cleaning out my blog subscription list tonight. The first one was deleted with no problem since the author hadn't posted anything in a year. Then, not recalling what the next blog was, I clicked on Heartbeat Photography...and fell in love. I have a soft spot for newborn and pregnancy photography. There is something magical and beautiful about it. This woman, wherever she is from and whomever she is, gets it. The moments she has captured are just that--magical and beautiful. What I want to share with you, is a paragraph that she wrote on the page who explains who she is as the artist behind the photos.

"Beyond capturing souls, hearts, smiles, bellies or little toes; I have discovered a great love for speaking, mentoring, and educating my fellow sisters in faith about their glorious bodies, swollen bellies, growing babies and the journey and miracle of bringing new life into the world. I educate, create, inspire, doula, midwife and walk 'with women' to help them and love on them as they fulfill our most amazing task: to bring forth the life that our God has created."

My favorite words from her, though, are this:

 "Women are the carriers of life. We hold the fruit of Christ's love beneath our hearts. Our curses have been taken by the blood of the lamb and we no longer need to serve fear, death, pain or torment. We are free. It is time we started to birth with the Faith that He has given us."

(http://ourheartsbeating.blogspot.com)

The One Hour Birth of My Son

July 2, 2010
It's night time, but I can't sleep. LoveBug is spending the night at her grandparents' house since we're scheduled to be induced tomorrow morning. My body desperately craves sleep, but instead, I find myself laying on the couch feeling Monkey staying awake with me all night long. This has been an easy pregnancy in one sense--my symptoms have been very minimal compared to my pregnancy with LoveBug. It's been more difficult in the past weeks since I've had an increasing number of contractions and low iron.

Part of me is very excited to know I'll be having my baby tomorrow and only three days overdue. The other part of me feels weird to "choose" the day he should be born. I remind myself that the inducing method--Cytotech, will only cause my body to release its own prostaglandin and if my body doesn't want to continue on into labor, it won't. My midwife has assured me that nothing will be different from a natural birth with this induction and I can expect the time line to remain the same. We're guessing about two hours from the first real contraction to my son being born. After all, my daughter's birth took four hours total.

July 3, 2010
Dawn comes, Monkey finally goes to sleep for the day, and I prepare myself to give birth to my first son. It’s a beautiful day.

7:10am
Ron and I load the car and stop at McDonald’s for his coffee and a fruit smoothie for me. I mention during the ride that I never fell asleep last night.

8:00am
We arrive at the hospital’s birthing suite and I am hooked up to a monitor to check the baby and my uterus’ activity for twenty minutes before my midwife arrives to give me the Cytotech. The machine tells us that I’m having regular contractions every 5 minutes even without the medicine and I let the nurse know that I was contracting regularly all night long. Since these aren’t painful contractions, I didn’t think anything of them. I’m told that my cervix is 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. The staff suggest that I may give birth tomorrow even with the induction and I inform them that I’m only going to be doing this for two hours once things start. They laugh.

9:00am
My midwife, Deb, gives me half a pill of Cytotech and I try to sleep while they monitor me for an hour. I never fall asleep since the bed I’m on won’t remain in a sitting position and keeps flattening out—not comfortable for an overly pregnant woman! Ron is watching some show on DIY that involves table saws and hammering, so I resign myself to the fact that this child is coming to a mother who won’t have slept in many, many long hours.

My contractions increase in frequency and decrease in intensity, according to the monitor.

10:00am
We are released for an hour and so Ron and I decide to walk around outside in the 90+ degree weather. The hospital overlooks a lake and is built into the side of a hill, so we enjoy the view as my husband drags me up and down stairs and seemingly mountainous hills.

10:30am
I rock on a birthing ball in an attempt to help things along. I wonder if this is really going to work and am feeling disappointed.

11:00am
The hospital staff switch my bed out to one that works, and so I’m able to get comfortable for the next half an hour of monitoring. My mother arrives and we tell Ron’s mom over the phone that she will probably make the birth even though she can’t get here until 3:00pm. My contractions are increasing, but still aren’t painful and I work on falling asleep.

11:30am
With the monitoring done, my midwife leaves to get some groceries into her fridge. Ron leaves to find some lunch. To my relief, I start to doze in the peaceful atmosphere.

12:00pm
Never having made it to dream land, I hear a “pop! Pop!” that comes from some where in my abdomen. I think to myself that a popping noise within me can not be a good thing, so I lift up my eye mask to tell my mom, but she isn’t in my room. Somewhere in the recess of my mind, I remember hearing that some women audibly experience a “popping” noise when their water breaks. Since my water broke in the tub (or so we assume) with LoveBug, this is a new thing to me. I stand up and there’s the warm fluid. I press the nurse’s button before heading into the bathroom.

Within minutes, the first real contraction hits. I know I don’t have much time to go, so we quickly move me from the monitoring room to the birthing suite. The suite is complete with a gorgeous, huge tub, private bathroom, queen sized bed instead of a hospital bed, flat screen TV, rocking and other chairs, and all of the amenities for a baby tucked nicely into an oak armoire. My mom calls Ron and tells him that he might want to hurry up and the nurse calls my midwife. The nurse checks me and says that I’m 4 cm dilated and 90% effaced.

I manage to change into my birthing attire (swimsuit top and open swim skirt) and get into the tub. My body isn’t pushing yet, but I know it won’t be long. I’m so emotional this time that I want to cry. My son is coming.

Ron arrives and tries to verbally reassure me near my head. After a few sentences, I have to nicely ask him to go find a mint. He smells like food and I can’t handle that at the moment. Someone laughs and I want to throw something at her. I just want everyone to be quiet as my body attempts to turn itself inside out.

Deb arrives and my body is pushing. I’m emotional and it feels like I’m in transition the whole time. I have no relief between contractions—they just intensify and then decrease but don’t actually go away before the next one hits. I want to bite the tub’s side but remind myself that I also want to leave this experience with my teeth in tact. This is the most intense thing I’ve ever experienced and not having slept doesn’t help matters any.

With the contractions not letting up, I can see that Deb is a little concerned. The baby’s heart rate starts to drop as I feel him crowning. Thank God you’re crowning, I think to my son. It’s at this point when things get easier. The contractions ease and I’m able to focus so much better when it’s actually time for the baby to birth. I’m really not wanting to tear, but really wanting this baby out. My body did all of its own pushing with my first child, but Deb suggests that I push between surges this time since his heart rate was going down and I’ve not had relief from contractions. I try this suggestion and it turns out to be the most brilliant idea ever. I am able to control things entirely, and I am able to use my hands to put pressure exactly where I feel it needs to be as his head emerges.

I love it when my child’s head emerges. Feeling his head in my hands as it smoothly enters the world. I rub off the slimy stuff, and note the feeling of a tiny nose, chin, and ears. Ears! It is his ears that impact me so greatly. This is my son and I love him. He is my baby.

I have to give a good push for his shoulders, but I guide him and lift him out of me easily and without tearing at all. I place him on my chest and realize how gray he looks. He isn’t crying, which isn’t bothersome in itself, but…he’s so dark. Everyone notices and we’re trying to stimulate him, but he still doesn’t cry. He’s already been suctioned. I hear Deb say that he had meconium on the way out.

I’m a paramedic. I know that a dropping heart rate, such dark skin, and meconium are very bad--especially if it's my kid. A nurse places blow by oxygen next to his face. He’s breathing fine on his own, but he doesn’t cry and my son is gray. Deb senses that I’m concerned and reminds me that he’s still getting blood from the umbilical cord.

Finally, he cries and starts moving around more. In reality, it was probably only a few seconds. To me, it was an eternity. I hold him extra close to me as they place a hat on his head and a blanket over him even though we’re still in the water.

1:00pm
I ask what time it is and realize I only labored for one hour.

He is beautiful. Six pounds, 15 ounces, and 20 inches long.

My son.

I have fallen in love with a new boy.

Webcasting my birthing relay race

I know how much ya'll have been missing my insightful and addictingly interesting posts, so I thought I'd try to write something real quick to let you know what's been going on. :-)

I haven't been online in about 2 weeks and am only on now thanks to my parents' connection. Unfortunately, I don't ever get as much accomplished online as I'd like to when I'm at their house because my 19-month-old feels the need to be attached to me at all times. Not that I mind--goodness, I missed 9-13 hours a day of her life 5-6 days a week until I was taken off of work a month ago! On the other hand, having a dwarf holding both of your hands makes typing difficult.

So before I give the little update, I must apologize first to my readers (you are why I have a blog) and particularly those who are waiting for me to mail them prizes or to send their names on to companies for prizes. Secondly, I must offer an embarrassed apology to the companies who are patiently (and not so patiently) waiting for me to get their reviews and giveaways up. I'd love to tell you that a pregnant lady's life is predictable, but frankly, it's not and that's why I'm at home with a computer but no Internet. If you'd like to pay for me to have the Internet, I will happily write your post. Until then, I'm afraid you must keep waiting.

The Update

I am still pregnant, though my boy thinks he's not a part of me and continually tries to become un-attached whenever I walk. Part of me thinks I won't be giving birth until July 4th (he's due 6/30) simply because I was 11 (yes, ELEVEN) days overdue with LoveBug. The other part of me thinks I could have him tonight if I'd just take part in some roudy love making, eat mexican food, and walk half a mile. Only time will tell!

The delightful part of anticipating his birth is that we expect everything to take about 2 hours from the very first contraction...and our car ride is at least 30 minutes long. :-) I bought a nasal aspirator this week to keep in the car just in case. So here's my plan once that first pain hits my abdomen:

1) time two more contractions just to make sure it's the real thing.

2) call my husband and pray he's not out making a delivery in the next state (quite possible since he works for a restaurant supply company).

3) grab cloth diapers to throw into LoveBug's overnight bag while calling my mom so she can meet me at the hospital.

4) if I can drive, I load LoveBug and myself into the car (after grabbing everything else on my list of items I need to bring with me--the list is taped to our front door for easy access). If I cannot drive, I will call my dear friend and pray she isn't in a meeting at work so that she can drive us to the hospital. If my husband is close by, I will wait for him. Should I have to drive us alone, I will have my mom start towards me so that when I'm unable to continue driving, she can intercept us and bring us the rest of the way. Someone can just get our van later.

5) sit on a contractor type garbage bag and towel during the car ride. If I have to give birth on the side of the road, I will at least make it to the county line that puts me in "my" ambulance district. Not that I'm allowing any of my medic buddies to actually see me giving birth; I'll just be hollering to them to hand me stuff if I need it, and then let them take me to the hospital I was already headed to. I'm all about catching my own child, even if it is in a corn field.

TWO hours, folks. That's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, when my child departs me, I'll be comfortable in a big tub of water in a beautiful birthing suite overlooking a lake and not in my car as I look at my daughter strapped in a car seat wondering what on earth is happening to her mother.

What do you say--should I webcast the whole event?

When Your Birth Doesn't Go According to Plan

When I found out my husband and I were going to have a baby, I got ready! I sought what I felt would be the best prenatal care with an excellent midwife, read a small library of books, prepared the nursery, took amazing care of myself, ate well, rested, did yoga, practiced hypnobirthing… I was prepared for my baby, so prepared. I was not prepared, however, for the way I would feel after the birth. The way I would feel when everything went “wrong”. I believed to the very core of my being that everything I worked for would happen just the way I envisioned it simply because I believed it. It didn’t.

I did not expect to reach 43 weeks of pregnancy and have a hospital induction. I did not expect the have a scarred cervix that would refuse to dilate for the better part of three days. Even after 43 weeks of pregnancy I did not expect a 9 lb, 6 oz baby or cephalopelvic disproportion (CPD)(http://www.americanpregnancy.org/labornbirth/cephalopelvicdisproportion.html) or a c-section. I was so convinced I would be having a med-free natural water birth that I only skimmed those other sections in my pregnancy books. I did not expect my perfect pregnancy to have such a dramatic climax. I believed wholeheartedly that all the things I worked so hard for would come to fruition. I mean, I had a plan, a birth plan!

As it turns out, it's hard to plan nature. My cervix did eventually dilate to a full 10 cm and I pushed. I pushed for hours. I pushed until I lost consciousness, only to wake up with the next contraction and push again. When the decision for a c-section was finally made, I knew in my heart, it was time. The doctor that performed our surgical birth informed me that I had a true case of CPD, and I never would have birthed my son naturally. Yet, through all this, my boy never faltered. His heart rate remained steady, his breathing was excellent, and his apgar score was perfect.

And then, we amended our "plan". I was immediately allowed to touch and kiss my baby. He went directly to my husband who cared for him while I was being stitched up. Our baby was never without one of his parents. My husband brought him to me as soon as I was out of the operating room, before I even made it to our hospital room, where we continued with rooming-in as planned.

When we returned home, I struggled with a lot of negative feelings about our birth and the disappointment I felt at having "failed". We also had breastfeeding complications that only compounded the feeling of failure. Then, I started reaching out. I sought support and began to heal, but simply being with my son and keeping him close has had the most healing effect of all.

If your birth does not go according to "plan", do not despair, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with compassion. Natural parenting is not an "all or nothing" concept. The "plan" can be amended.

A big thanks to Carrie L McClain from Oh, Baby O! for writing this guest blog! Have an article you think would be interesting to Life More Simply's readers? Email it to lifemoresimply @ yahoo.com with the subject of "Guest Blog".

Check out Carrie's Blog to read more about her mothering, crafting, baking, and homemaking pursuits: http://ohbabyo.wordpress.com/

Preparing for the birth you want

A good birthing experience doesn't simply happen on its own. Thoughtful reflection, selection, and preparation are needed to ensure a gentle and positive birth since left to itself, a woman in our culture is all too often taught that giving birth is a medical problem requiring hospitalization and treatment. While this certainly can be the case should complications arrive, most births are uncomplicated and should instead be considered a normal part of life that a woman's body is designed and knows how to do. Given this realization, each woman should be given the opportunity to prepare for the birth that she desires, whether it be an all natural home birth or a hospitalized birth with an epidural. Many women don't know where to start when preparing for birth since they don't know what options are out there or even that it doesn't have to be a traumatic, medicalized, or significantly painful experience.


Through careful research and daily preparation, I was able to have an amazing and peaceful birthing experience. I chose to see a certified midwife and have a water birth in the birthing center of a local hospital with the use of no drugs and only the necessary monitoring (they checked the fetal heart rate twice with a doppler and also took my blood pressure when I first arrived). From the very first contraction to my daughter's arrival, it took 4 hours. In fact, it was only 1 hour and 5 minutes after we arrived at the hospital that I caught my daughter myself! Our birthing experience was the most powerful and amazing thing I've ever gone through, and I'm convinced that it wouldn't have been like this if I hadn't take then time to carefully select and prepare for what I wanted to happen.


To prepare for the birthing experience YOU want to have, make sure you consider the following:


1) Insurance coverage; did you know that many providers in the US (including major ones like Blue Cross, Blue Shield) cover attended home births at the same rate that they cover hospital births? Midwives are also generally covered at the same rate as an obstetric physician, but unless you ask, you won't know! Most other countries (socialized ones in particular) are very much in favor of home births and midwives and the rates of using these are much higher (like around 30%) than in the US (which is currently at less than 1% for home births--interesting, because home births have much fewer complications than comparable births!).

2) Hospital and birthing center philosophies; being a paramedic, I was pretty familiar with the differences in how the hospitals around me viewed women and babies in labor. I was sure to still visit each one that I was considering though, to take a tour and ask questions. There is a HUGE difference in the philosophies from place to place and this will probably be the biggest impact on whether you have the birth experience you want or not (aside from any physical complications whose necessity overrides any desires). Some good questions to ask are:

•  Mother and fetal monitoring requirements (do you have to be hooked up to machines for the whole time? Do you have to have internal exams every so often?).
• Can I wear the clothing I want to birth in, or must I wear a hospital gown?
• What are my options for birthing environments and positions (bed, stool, tub, shower, etc.)?
• Number of people allowed in the birthing room
• Will you stay in one room for labor, birth, and recovery?
• Can the baby room-in with you, and may a parent be with him or her at all times?
• What sorts of things can you refuse (Vitamin K shot, eye drops, cutting the cord immediately after delivery, leaving the vernix on to be rubbed in, bathing the baby yourself, etc.)?
• How supportive is the hospital of breastfeeding, skin to skin bonding (did you know that skin-to-skin is the best way to warm up a cold baby?), delayed vaccinations/procedures, and bed sharing?
• Things you are allowed to bring with you and use while laboring/birthing (CD player, food, beverages, aromatherapy machine, etc.).

3) Interview the practitioner; your midwife or Dr. will become very well acquainted with your body and emotions, so choose wisely. I always feel bad when someone tells me they aren't too happy with their provider--if this happens to you, change to someone else that you're more comfortable with! A few key things to learn before you decide, or to prompt you to switch to a different person is how much they will respect your wishes for a natural birthing experience, if you will be seeing the same provider at each appointment, how much he or she will listen to your concerns or if they'll just be overlooked, how available they are between appointments and during the night and weekends, and how overall supportive they are of you and how comfortable you are with them. Don't let someone else take away the experience you want to have from you!


4) Consider various birthing methods/philosophies; "Lamaze" is the popular thing around my neck of the woods, but frankly, after seeing enough women give birth using this method on TLC's A Baby Story, I wasn't sure I wanted much to do with it. :-) Panting, pushing, counting...come on, seriously? Instead of signing up for the first class I found, I spoke with colleagues, my midwife, and did Internet research (including watching lots of YouTube videos) before deciding that I wanted to go with HypnoBirthing (the Mongan Method). With this method, you learn and practice deep relaxation (self hypnosis) to help you achieved a very relaxed, peaceful state of mind (with complete awareness the whole time) during birthing. There are also supportive things like deep breathing, massage, and positioning that all help to ensure that your body doesn't fight against your uterus as it ends up doing with Lamaze any method that has you panting and pushing by force. It worked awesomely for me to allow a gentle and fast birthing that wasn't even the most painful thing I'd ever felt. This involved me practicing the HypnoBirthing scripts every night for weeks before the birth, though!


5) Communicate your desires; You can't expect people to be mind readers, so open communication is key. Discuss your desires and your plans with your provider well in advance; also discuss what his or her reasons would be if they were ever to override your communicated wishes. While this will hopefully prevent any problems when you give birth, be prepared to be assertive if you need to be. Sometimes, a mother's rights and desires are cast aside during labor and delivery--be prepared to speak up and advocate for yourself should this happen. Since I know I will be concentrating on my body during birth, my husband is the person responsible for advocating for my wishes when I give birth.


I didn't actually write a birth plan, but I was sure to make my desires known to my midwife, husband, and the nurses who met me when I arrived at the birthing unit. A birth plan can be a particularly good idea if you don't see the same practitioner each time or if someone unfamiliar to you is assisting you in your birthing. Earth Mama Angel Baby offers a very comprehensive one online that's free and easy to personalize with many natural options.


6) Expect the best! You've done your research and preparation--spend time every day listening to or reading positive birthing affirmations and doing things that will help you feel prepared and in control of your experience. A relaxed mother may be the most powerful force in having a relaxed birthing both for the mother and the baby.
 Giving birth is a beautiful experience that should be celebrated at every level. It is natural, normal, and a woman's body knows how to do it. Deciding on and preparing for the birthing experience you want you and your baby to have is so very important. Don't leave it up to someone else to decide for you!


Some links I recommend:
LoveBug's Birth Story
Birthing Q & A
HypnoBirthing
HypnoBabies
MotheringDot Community Forums (scroll down to the birthing section)
Diaper Swapper's Birth Stories & Announcements Forum


What if...you did everything you could to plan for a beautiful birth, and then it didn't happen? It'd be nice to think that the birthing experience is completely dependent upon the mother's preparation and attitude, but the truth is that sometimes, things don't go as planned and dreams go out the window. My friend, Carrie, from http://ohbabyo.wordpress.com, experienced this and will be sharing a "when your birth doesn't go as planned" article with us as a guest blog. Stay tuned to be sure you don't miss it!

Labor Creations Labor Kit Review & Giveaway

A big thanks to A Mother's Boutique for being a big sponsor of the Baby Mama Shower!

Labor Creations Labor Kit Review & Giveaway

"Creating items to pamper moms as they labor in birthing God's new creations"

I'm always excited to see a new business get off the ground, and especially when the opportunity allows the owner to work at home and provide a product that people actually need and want. Labor Creations is one of these businesses, thought of and developed by Jamie, a friendly and caring work-at-home-mother of two young children. You can read about her inspiration to start Labor Creations here, a business that provides Labor Kits for expecting mamas.

Each Labor Kit cost $35.00 + $10.70 US shipping and is comprised of almost entirely hand made items. When I received mine in the mail for review, I was impressed by the artistry put into the kit through the hand painted bag and hand sketched laboring/birthing positions chart. They are both kept simple in the illustrations and colors, allowing the viewer to easily understand and appreciate them. Though not laminated like the positions' chart, Jamie has also included a sheet of birthing affirmations which you know I'm a big fan of. The bag itself is larger than I'd expected and has given me a LOT of room to add things to it that I will need in the hospital. In fact, I've been keeping it on my closet's door knob so I can pop things into it as I think of them and also so I won't have any trouble finding it if I end up giving birth sooner than I expect to. :-)

I have really been enjoying the lavender scented heat pack. It's just the right size to drape over my shoulder when I'm having back pain and my husband won't give me a massage (that will be the day!). The essential oils are really a good blend and intensity to induce relaxation, so I know this will be the bag I pull out of my cupboard when I'm in early labor! Along with this, the slipper socks are soft and cute with bright colors. I don't think the pair that's in the kit right now are of any better quality than hospital socks, but I do know that Jamie is working on other types of socks or something else to offer in the kit to replace these. Until that change is made, though, you'll definitely have the most fashionable pair of feet on the birthing wing. :-)

I love the goat's milk soap, lotion, and lip balm included in the Labor Kit! Everything smells sooooo delicious while remaining lightly scented so as to not bother a newborn's nose. The textures are creamy and smooth, and I've had a hard time not using everything all up so I can save it for when I'm in the hospital. It will be so nice to have hand made, moisturizing toiletries with me this time instead of using the commercial stuff that the hospital provides! I don't know why I didn't think about this last time I gave birth as these are definitely going in my bag for this time. Though I wish that all of these items are bigger just so I could use them longer, the "trial" size of the soap and lotion actually provide more than enough for two days and take up less room in your bag thanks to their smaller size.

Each Labor Kit contains the following items:

*Large, hand painted, poly tote bag to keep all of your kit items and more in!

*Labor Creations' 8x10" hand made heat pack with washable case

*Laminated Labor Creations Laboring/Birthing Positions Chart

*Hand painted slipper socks

*Hand made Goats milk soap

*Hande made Lotion and Lip balm by Scarborough Lane

*Wooden Massager

*Birth Affirmations

There are many bag designs, heat pack prints, and scents to choose from for the kit's contents. Coming soon will be "a la carte" items that you can add to your kit to personalize them even more!

Buy It! Visit http://www.laborcreations.com/ to view the whole selection and purchase a bag.

Win It! Labor Creations will be giving one kit to a lucky reader of mine. To enter, you need to visit http://www.laborcreations.com/ and choose which bag design/kit you'd like. Choose carefully since that's what you'll be receiving if you win! Be sure to leave a separate email address AND comment for each entry. Contest will end on or after May 7, 2010 at noon, EST.

Extra Entries:

• Visit Labor Creations on Facebook and leave message on their wall that Life More Simply sent you
• Sign Labor Creations' guestbook or Facebook wall, telling her what "a la carte" item(s) you'd enjoy seeing her add (one entry total)
• Leave a message on Life More Simply's Facebook wall telling me your list of "labor/birthing bag" items you can't live without, then come back here and let me know you did.
• Tweet this (1x/day for a daily entry): #win a labor & #birthing kit from Labor Creations on @LifeMoreSimply! http://LifeMoreSimply.blogspot.com 
• Follow me on Blogger, Google Friend Connect, Facebook, Twitter, etc. - one entry for each way!
• Blog about this contest or other wise spread the word with a link (2 entries per way; leave me the address)
• Grab either of my buttons (one entry/each)
• Subscribe to me by email (2 entries)

Note: Labor Creations provided me with the bag for this review. No other compensation was received and the opinions are all mine.

International Baby Lost Mama Day

United in grief, we find love and strength

International Babylost Mother's Day

May 2, 2010

It was Thanksgiving morning, 1994, that I woke up to the voice of my Mother in our living room. I had thought it was my aunt at first--my mother wasn't supposed to be home. She and my father had gone to the hospital the night before as she was in labor with my first and only brother, Joshua. There were six of us girls already and though my parents hadn't "tried" to get pregnant with any of us nor were they ever dissapointed at not having had a boy before, we were all very, very excited to welcome a brother in particular.

When I walked into the living room and saw my parents sitting on our couch, I noticed that my mother had been crying and that she was holding a small blue hat in her hand. Joshua was born at 24 weeks--the same time that the sister right above him had been born. She had made it, though spent the first 5 months of her life in the NICU. Joshua was born sleeping into the arms of Jesus and never made it down the hall to the NICU. I was barely ten-years-old at that time.

Our Thanksgivings have never been the same. Later that day in 1994, we went to my Great Grandmother's house for dinner. My extended family was there and with the then eight of us in my immediate family, there wasn't really enough food for everyone since we hadn't planned on being there. No one knew what to say to us, so we endured well meaning fake smiles and laughter while we ate boxed stuffing off of sytrofoam plates. I don't remember anyone saying anything to me about my brother.

My parents chose not to let us see Joshua except through photographs. They came to regret this decision later, but had thought at the time that the discoloration of his skin wouldn't be a good way for us to remember him by. Instead, they wrapped him in a blanket, put a hat on his head, and my dad went to the store to buy a toy firetruck. To this day, my heart cringes at the thought of walking through a toy store to buy a firetruck for your only son who would never play with it...The firetruck was placed into the casket beside my brother.

The funeral was held a few days later and was only attended by a small amount of people. We sat up front with my parents and stared at the 2' long white box that looked more like a foam cooler than a baby casket. At the cemetary, we sang "Praise Him, Praise Him, all ye little children, God is love, God is love..." before saying goodbye. It was cold and windy, and the chairs were forest green.

There was no offering of foot prints or photos for my parents when Joshua was birthed. The hospital didn't have tiny blankets to wrap him in, nor any counseling services for "this sort of thing" to suggest. We are left with a shoebox containing a few photos, a blue hat, and a striped receiving blanket by which to remember my brother, and the term "stillborn" to describe the event by. People still don't know what to say when they ask us "you have EIGHT daughters and NO boys?!" and we kindly respond with "we have a brother, but he was stillborn."

A decade later, there is support for what we now call "babylost" parents. Beravement jewlery, grief support groups, and even post partum products specifically for the mothers of these sleeping babies are now available. In one week, there will be an international day of recognition for these women, known as "International Babylost Mama Day." As far as I can tell, this will be the first time this day is observed (to be held the first Sunday of May each year), and has been organized by a beautiful Babylost Mama from Australia who lost her only son in 2007. It is a way to honor these forgotten mothers and babies and will be held on May 2nd, one week before the traditionally observed "Mother's Day."

Do you want to get involved? If you have been affected by the loss of a baby and would be willing to share your story to support and encourage other parents, I'd love to publish your story on Life More Simply! Please email your stories to lifemoresimply at yahoo.com with the title "Babylost Mama Day" in the subject line. Your story will be subject to editing without notice for grammar, spelling, etc.. Tasteful photos are also welcome with each submission (if possible, please post them to an online photo hosting service such as PhotoBucket.com so that I don't have to download anything--just send me the links!). The deadline for me to receive these will be May 1st and I will begin publishing on or after May 2nd, continuing throughout the week depending on how many submissions I receive.

Other ways to get involved:
Contact me about products you know of that are specifically made for or can help babylost parents and siblings.

Join the International Babylost Mama Facebook page.

Check out the International Babylost Mama website at http://internationalbabylostmothersday.blogspot.com/.

Baby's First Phone Call Reivew & Giveaway

Thanks to A Mother's Boutique for being a big sponsor of the Baby Mama Shower Event!

There are lots of things a parent must remember to bring to the hospital and then do after a baby is born. Most expecting mothers make lists of things having to do with birthing: what to bring to the birthing center, delivery positions, birth plans, and of course, who to call once the baby's born. Wouldn't it be nice if the last one didn't have to be done, though? If you didn't have to tell your birthing story 15 times within the first half hour of your baby being born? If you could actually RELAX?!

Well, there is a way.

Baby's First Phone Call is a company that has developed a system allowing you to tell everyone you want about your new bundle of joy without tiring yourself out and without leaving some people to find out second or third hand. The system is pretty easy according to their website:

With Baby's First Phone Call, you set up an account before your baby is born—when you still have a moment of time to yourself—and enter the names and phone numbers of all the people you want to notify when the baby arrives. Then, after the baby is born, you make a single phone call and leave a personal voice-mail message of any length with all the details you want to share.

 

Our system places calls to each of the phone numbers in your account. If the person answers the phone they hear your happy message. If they don't answer, the message is left on their voicemail or answering machine. In either case, there is an option for them to leave you a return message that you can pick up at your convenience.

Key Features

• No limit on your outgoing message to friends and family.
• Friends and family can leave you a response message.
• Time-zone sensitive—identify delivery times for each person in your account.
• Convenient luggage tag with our toll-free call-in number comes with every call package.

Now, my little bundle of joy is still baking, so I won't actually be able to run a full test on this product until he arrives in early July...but I've found the website very easy to navigate, an account easy to set up, and the prices pretty reasonable considering the time (and money) you're saving by not making a million phone calls! After the birth of LoveBug, I know that I don't want to make a bunch of phone calls this time, nor do I want my cell phone to be on once people find out. Not that I don't love telling the story of her birth or hearing the excitement in a friend or family member's voice, but I realize now that you're a bit tired after giving birth and it'd be nice to relax for a little while! I will definitely be using Baby's First Phone call to let people know about Monkey's birth initially and will save my individual phone calls for a few days later. :-)
 
Buy It! Visit http://babysfirstphonecall.com/ to check out their packages ranging from $20-$50 or to purchase a gift certificate for someone else.
 
Win It! Baby's First Phone Call is giving away a $50.00 gift certificate to one of my readers! Leave me a tip on how you relax after giving birth or of what you'd like to do if you haven't ever given birth before. Be sure to include an email address and a separate comment for EACH entry you have. Contest will end May 7, 2010.
 
Extra Entries:

• If you're pregnant, tell me your due date--or if you're TTC, tell me that! Either way = 1 entry.
• Subscribe to or follow me (Blogger, Google Friend, Facebook, Twitter, etc.); each different method = 1 entry!
• Grab either of my buttons and display them on your website.
• Blog about this contest (3 entries)
• Otherwise spread the word (forums, emailing, etc.) and tell me how! 
• Tweet about this contest with a link and @lifemoresimply; 1 tweet/day/1 entry
• Let me know if you grabbed the Baby Mama Shower button BEFORE 4/1 and get your extra entry! 

The Blessingway

"Just as a tree grows best when anchored firmly in the earth, so can a pregnant mother feel strong and capable when supported by a sisterhood of nurturing friends."

-April Lussier

In contemplating the fact that I'm almost 18-weeks pregnant with my second child, my mind has been busy making lists of all of the baby items I'll need to get, the organizing I'll have to do, the cleaning that seems to never get done, and the meals I want in my freezer...all before Baby Monkey arrives! Of course, with the impending birth of my second child, I've also thought about baby showers. Since showers for any children other than your first is uncommon in my neck of the woods, I'm relying on product review samples and yard sales to gather the things I'll need for this next baby. This realization has made me think about how my local cultures places the focus of showers on the giver and the money involved in the giving rather than on the guest of honor and the reason for the celebration. In response, I want to tell you about an un-shower event called a "blessingway."

I love the Blessingway model of celebration and think it's a beautiful compliment or alternative to our standard baby showers. Started by the Navajo Native Americans, a blessingway is like a shower, but it focuses on the mother instead of the baby. While blessingways were ceremonies designated for all sorts of different life passages in the Native American culture, the most common one still held today is for pregnancy/birthing.Women who are close to the expecting mother all come together in the days before her birthing to bless her with encouragement, prayer, support, and love. There may be prayer, singing, foot washing, or special readings at a blessingway, holding firm to the traditional feeling of a ceremony. Belly casting, bead giving, and henna painting are all common activities with the purpose of empowering the mother for birthing and to celebrate her pregnancy.

In my research, I've found that many doulas and a few midwives offer blessingway services. They'll help you organize a blessingway and come run it to ensure smooth flowing from one activity to the next and a positive environment for the participants. Even for people who have never experienced a blessingway before, though, there is plenty of information available on the Internet to help you plan your own celebration.

The basics of a blessingway: http://www.naturalbirthandbabycare.com/blessingway.html

The blessingway's Navajo history: http://www.hanksville.org/voyage/navajo/BlessingWay.php3

Outline of a blessingway ceremony: http://www.birthbeads.com/Blessingway.html

Unfortuntately, I don't know anyone who has either thrown or been the recipient of a blessingway before. I'd love to hear first hand the effects on a mother-to-be from behind upheld in this very spiritual and joyful way in the days before her birthing!
 

Note: this blog post is taken in part from The Blessingway blog post at my pregnancy journal blog at http://octobersheart.blogspot.com/

Birthing Affirmation - Birth Prayer by S. Fierr-Baig

One of the things that I did to prepare for my daughter's birth was to regularly read affirmations out loud in the months prior to her birthing. During the birth, I had my mother read scriptural affirmations to me. I had also brought non-scriptural ones with me, but didn't have time for them! I came across this paraphrase of a passage in Isaiah today and really wanted to share it with you. I'll make it a point to post more birthing affirmations in the future as they're a wonderful tool to prepare and get through the amazing event of a birth.

Birth Prayer

by Susana Fierro-Baig

Chid within me, the Lord has created you.

He has formed your body, and you are his.

When you pass through the waters, He will be with you and you will not be harmed. He is the Lord, thy God, thy Saviour. You are precious in His sight. He loves you.

Let us not fear, for our Redeemer is with us. He will bring you forth safely. He will protect us from harm if we take upon us His name, for he created us to glorify Him.

We will be blessed with health, strength, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. With his gentle, loving hands he will deliver you without interference from anyone.

I will not be afraid of your birth, for I know that the Lord created me to be a mother. My body knows what to do to assist the Lord as He delivers you out of my womb.

Together we will work to bring you into this world without pain. The water that now protects you will carry you out and I will open myself up to you.

The feelings of love, joy, and peace will escort you on your journey. When you are ready to join us in the world, we will welcome you.

Your father and I have been honored with stewardship over you. He has placed you in our care that we may love you and teach you His word.

Your father is eager to hold you in his arms. I am eager to bring you to my bosom and nurse you.

We look forward to your arrival, yet we will not grow impatient in waiting for your birth-day. We do not want you to be born before you are fully ready.

Your father and I will not be fearful. God has promised us that if we do not fear and are obedient to His commands, He will pour His spirit upon you and His blessings.

Our family will praise and honor Him for the blessing of your birth, and the miracle of your life, giving thanks with song.

Adapted from Isaiah 43&44

Our HypnoBirthing Story

My daughter, Amara, had an expected due date of 10/20/08. She came eleven days after that (the pity I feel now for overdue-mothers...) in a very peaceful and beautiful way. We used HypnoBirthing as our chosen childbirth-education and loved the relaxation and alertness that it allowed me to experience during the birthing. If you haven't already read it, check out more information about HypnoBirthing and enter the contest for a HypnoBirthing package before the end of May, 2009. Want an extra entry? For people who subscribe to or follow this blog, post your birth story here (if you're already a mama) or comment on the questions, fears, and things you're looking forward to when you do experience giving birth for the first time (if you've never given birth before). Be sure to include an email address! Not a follower? Become one and then enter here for an extra entry!

Thursday, 10/30/08, 1200 hours Serious lower back pain began as I was talking to my friend and coworker, Rachael. This seemed to coincide with most of the BH (or so I assumed them to be) contractions I'd been having on and off all week. I didn't pay much attention to the pain, though, as I was sick of getting my hopes up and then being disappointed when I didn't go into labor. I stayed at work until a little after my workday was over and then taught an hour's worth of piano lessons at home. During the lessons, I sat on a birthing ball which helped some with the back pain.

Friday, 10/31/08, 0130 hours I woke up with such bad pain in my lower back coinciding with contractions that I got out of bed and went downstairs so I didn't bother Ron. I watched a little bit of a late night TV show while rocking on the birthing ball. I also ate a piece of apple cake before retiring to the couch and falling asleep. Though I could tell the back pain was different this time, I still didn't want to get my hopes up and so didn't get excited as I fell asleep.

Friday, 10/31/08, 0400 hours This time, I woke up with contractions and back pain that radiated around to the front. As this was the first time I had experienced front pain, I thought that maybe I should pay attention. For 45 minutes, my contractions were 5 minutes apart. I decided that I'd better get up and get doing some things. As soon as I got up though, they were all less than 5 minutes apart although they weren't as regular. I went and woke up Ron. He said to wake him up after I spoke to Deb.

Friday, 0500 hours I called my midwife, Deb, and told her what was going on. She said to get into the bathtub, time my contractions, and report back to her to decide whether this was real labor or not. I could have told her right then that this was real labor. Instead, I got into the tub. Before that, I woke up Ron again who again told me to wake him up later. At this point, my contractions were 3 minutes apart and lasting for 1 minute each. I was also feeling a great urgency to get to the hospital.

Friday, 0540 hours After getting out of the tub, I called Deb again and reported to her. She told me that someone else had birthed her baby during the night and had the suite but that if I could hold out until later in the morning then we could try to move her out of the suite so I could have it. She encouraged me to stay home as long as possible. I wanted to tell her that really, I needed to be at the hospital right now, but instead I told her that I'd just call her when I was leaving for the hospital.

Friday, 0550 hours Upon waking up Ron again, he asked if I was really in labor or not. I told him that I didn't know if it was really happening or not, but that I needed to go to the hospital so he'd better get up this time. We spent the next hour trying to get everything together. I felt like my contractions were about a minute apart, so for 50% of the time I couldn't talk, walk, or do anything else. Not very helpful, but we survived.

Friday, 0700 hours We left for Schuyler Hospital, called Deb, and then got a hold of our mothers so they could get to the hospital. Ron wanted to stop for coffee and was put out when I told him that we had no time for coffee and he should've gotten up earlier.

Friday, 0745 hours I had planned to leave the luggage in the van, but I changed my mind and told Ron to bring the suitcase into the hospital because we were definitely going to be staying. It took a while to get from the parking lot to the birthing center, but we checked into the birthing center at 0745. Immediately, I was taken into the birthing room (not the suite; I guess they didn't want to wake up the other woman) and my blood pressure and pulse were taken. The nurse declared that I was 4cm dilated and 100% effaced at this point. I got right into the tub and WHOLA my body was pushing. I asked the nurse if this was supposed to happen so early who then responded by saying "maybe you're moving along a lot faster than we thought...I think we'd better call Deb and get her here." I thought this was a good idea. Thankfully, I had a few more contractions without the need to push.

Deb arrived a few minutes later and then declared that I was now at 8cm. My mother arrived and though I had not planned on her being in the birthing room, I ended up allowing it and it turned out to be a really nice thing. She was able to help hold me up (Ron was holding my legs back) so I didn't slip down into the tub during the birth, and she also spent some time reading some Bible passages I had previously typed out to be read to me during such a time as this.

Friday, 0850 hours Things went pretty quickly after Deb's arrival. Someone dimmed the lights when I got into the tub and so I was able to have a very peaceful environment in which to bring my child into the world. I was able to feel my daughter as she moved out of me and bring her right up onto my chest. Catching my baby was by far the most amazing and incredible thing I've ever felt in my entire life. She was very peaceful after coming out. It took her a minute to start crying, which immediately stopped when I began singing to her a song that I often sang to her while she was still in my womb. She remained very alert and awake for the next few hours, nursing well and visiting her family.

Ron's mom still hadn't arrived by 0850 when Amara was born, so he called her to ask where she was. She said that she was just about ready to leave her house to which Ron informed her that the baby was already here. There were a few more phone calls like that which were made. Deb said that this was the fastest birth she's had in quite a while, and also that I'm only the second woman she's ever had who was actually able (mind wise) to catch her own baby. I was really pleased with how things went, and especially that I barely tore (that was my biggest worry...the thought of tearing horrifies me).

So all in all, my daughter was born an hour and five minutes after checking into the hospital. She measured at 20 inches long and 6 lbs 15 ozs...Not to mention she's the most BEAUTIFUL baby ever born with darker skin and curly hair like her daddy, and eyes and lips like her mommy. We checked out of Schuyler at 1pm on Saturday and took our baby home. Love, love, love!

Hypnobirthing Giveaway

HypnoBirthing (aka "the Mongan Method") is a form of form of childbirth education developed by Marie Mongan, M.Ed., M.Hy., and first published in her book "HypnoBirthing-- A Celebration of Life" in 1989. Her philosophy is simple: severe pain does not need to accompany childbirth in the absence of fear and tension or special medical circumstances. After much research before having my own baby, I decided to go with the HypnoBirthing philosophy...and am I ever glad that I did! One can learn the HypnoBirthing techniques by reading studying her book and accompanying CD's or by attending HypnoBirthing classes taught by a certified HypnoBirthing educator. What, you say? How can this work?

HypnoBirthing works to make birth a gentle and amazing experience by teaching the expectant mother how to deeply relax her mind (this would be the self-hypnosis part) and muscles, breathe in a helpful instead of harmful manner, release all fear, and work with her body instead of against it. The result is a calm, serene birthing experience that allows the mother to be completely aware during the birthing process (I was so aware that I was able to catch my own daughter) while remaining relaxed and unafraid.

Mongan believes that "when you change the way you view birth, the way you birth will change." Explaining the history of childbirth in her book, she educates the reader on how birth in Western cultures was first a normal part of life that produced few anxieties and complications, but then became something that women feared as it moved into the hospital setting. The causes of pain and fear that women so often think will accompany their birthing experience is also explained with sound reasoning as to why pain and fear are unnecessary and actually harmful--and also how to avoid them.

Don't be fooled by the idea of self-hypnosis presented in this method, either. Self-hypnosis allows you to remain fully aware and in control and is something that you already do without realizing it--like when you zone out while watching TV or driving a car. Learning how to do this whenever you desire to gives you the ability to reduce a lot of tension, fear, and pain during childbirth (and it also helped me to sleep a whole lot better during those late-stage pregnancy nights). In fact, some women are able to achieve a completely pain free child birthing experience through this!

HypnoBirthing is beneficial for all women looking at giving birth whether vaginally or by c-section. Trust me, you want to learn these techniques. The winner of this giveaway will receive three things:

• HypnoBirthing; The Mongan Method book, 3rd edition (spiral-bound--it's beautiful!) including a HypnoBirthing CD with "relaxation" and "birth rehearsal imagery" by Marie Mongan on it.
  
• Rainbow Relaxation CD with birthing affirmations (these are so wonderful to listen to) and the rainbow relaxation script (this especially helped me to fall alseep within 10 minutes of going to bed).
• Button that says "Please Only Happy Birth Stories...Baby is Listening..." with the HypnoBirthing symbol.

To enter, you need to head over to the HypnoBirthing website and then come back here and leave a comment with one interesting thing that you learned from their site. You also need to tell me your expected due date or when you hope (in an ideal world) to have your next child. Be sure to leave your email address in your post or it won't count! This contest will end at 12:00 pm EST on Sunday, May 31, 2009. Good luck, and be sure to check back all of this week to earn additional entries and other prizes!

Extra Entries :
(leave another post w/email address for each thing below)

*Fav me on Technorati (2 additional entries)
*Follow me on Blogger (1 entry)
*Subscribe to me otherwise (1 entry)
*Send an email to four friends telling them about this contest and/or my blog and CC me (LifeMoreSimply at yahoo dot com) (1 entry)
*Blog about this contest including a link (1 entry)
*If you did something worthy of an "extra entry" from this post and want to include those entries here, leave one comment per extra entry stating what you did before (still including your email address).

NOTE: contest is only open to mailing addresses within the US or Canada. If you live in Canada, you must prepay the shipping of this item for me. If you live within the US, I'll still gladly accept payment for your shipping costs, but won't require it. :-)

Greatest Mom Moment

It doesn't take much to excite this girl. My smiles have recently been caused by a streak of good luck (or skill, I should say) involving winning organic clothing for my baby girl. The first winning occurred after I stayed up two hours after my bedtime (yes, I try to go to bed at 9:00 pm) to write an essay on green living. I suffered for this, but fatigue was immediately relieved two weeks later when I got an email telling that my essay had won a $100.00 gift certificate to Ruby Pinwheels. Then, two days after that, I received another email telling me that I'd won my choice of a bodysuit, outfit, and washcloths for my daughter from Sage Creek Organics! It was from a contest where you had to share your "Greatest Mom Moment." This is what I wrote:

My Greatest Mom Moment was on October 31st, 2008. It was at the moment when I caught my daughter being born and pulled her up to my face, kissing her and singing to her of how much I loved her. She looked at me so peacefully with her big beautiful eyes, and I knew that my life had changed forever because I was now a mama. Nothing will ever touch my greatest moment of bringing my daughter into this world naturally and gently, allowing me to experience the power and love of being a mother.

Sage Creek felt that my moment was "beautiful" and thus chose it as the winner. Winning is a great thing, especially if you really in need of the item that's being given away (and my daughter is really in need of clothing right now). Better than that, though, is being a mom. Let's face it: I love being a mom. Not the after-birth-mom-body, but definitely the being-a-mom-part. Many women don't consider their birthing experience one of their greatest "mom moments," though. What made it different for me? Hypnobirthing. This week, I will be explaining what exactly Hypnobirthing is and sharing the benefits of it...Including giveaways! The Hypnobirthing company has graciously given me some things to share with my readers including books, CD's, and clothing, so be sure to come by every day to get more information and free products so that you too can experience birth as one of your greatest mom moments.

Birthing Q&A

Six months ago today, I gave birth to my first child. She is a delight and I often revisit that beautiful day in my mind. I used hypnobirthing as my birthing method and had an all natural-no drugs-minimal medical monitering-water birth. I was able to catch my own baby and bring her up to me, sharing her first moments in this world by kissing her and singing to her of how much I loved her.

Since bearing a child, I have been asked a lot of questions by people. Both men and women have asked questions, a lot of them repeats. In an attempt to educate the public, I am sharing the most popular ones and my responses with you. This may be TMI for some people, so be forewarned.

• What did it feel like? As though my body was trying to turn itself inside out.


• Did it hurt, for real? Yes. I was able to sleep through the first part, and then relax myself through the second part when things started getting intense. During "transition," though, things were crazy. It wasn't the most painful thing I've ever felt, but it was the most intense thing I've ever felt. It just takes over your whole body. The most painful part was actually tearing, but the worst pain was the pressure in my legs during the whole thing because it was the most annoying of all the "pain". I recommend practicing deep relaxation before childbirth. I didn't scream, but I did groan loudly while pushing and I did have tremors from the pain during contractions.


• Would you do it without drugs again? Absolutely. I still wouldn't dream of using drugs during natural childbirth.


• What about tearing? The water helps a lot, and pushing slowly. I only tore a little bit, first degree. It stung, though!


• What does it feel like afterwards? First off, you still look 5 months pregnant after the kid comes out. It feels like all of your guts have no pressure on them and are just bumping around so you have a stomach ache and feel like throwing up. Putting pressure around your mid section helps. Also, the unterine cramping afterwards sucks, especially while nursing. I took Tylonal and Advil for this.


• Bleeding? This was an FYI for me: you bleed for up to 6 weeks after childbirth. After researching, I found out that this is from the area where the placenta was attached. Nursing and not doing strenuous activities helps speed up the healing process.


• Does it hurt to pee afterwards? It didn't for me, but I'm told that it does if you tear in the perinial area (between the vagina and anus) (which I didn't).


• How is sex afterwards? Let's just say that being "too loose" after childbirth is a MYTH. If anything, it's at least as small as ever. Some internal muscle tone is gone so I guess that's looser but that can be "fixed" by kegal exercises. I was woried about this though, so I did some Internet research prior to any attempts at sex and found that some women really have a terrible time with this including internal things becoming external . Yikes. Be encouraged that not all women have problems--don't be worried like I was.


• What about pregnancy side effects afterwards? Well, I haven't thrown up, had heartburn, had leg cramps, or been nearly as tired since giving birth.


• Getting back into shape: I feel like the unlucky one among women with this. I look at other new moms and they looks awesome. Me? I lost about 26 lbs. during the first 3 weeks and have struggled ever since. That whole "you burn 500 extra calories a day by nursing" doesn't help me any. I'm six months post partum and still have 12 pounds to go. *sigh*

Childbirth is something that one would think is a horrendous, abnormal and scary situation that women unfortunately find themselves in--if you watch mainstream television! Let me correct your thinking and assure you that the media is wrong. Childbirth is natural and amazing. Intense, yes. Impossible? No. Be unafraid and instead, embrace the most incredible experience that you will ever have.

What are some other questions that you have about labor, deliver, or post-partum?