How To Get Your House In Order In Only 5 Simple Steps (for REAL people)

Let's face it--we all want a clean house. Having a clutter filled home has actually been linked to depression for women, is scientifically bad for those with adrenal fatigue, and makes us all feel yucky. Inadequate. Overwhelemed. Irritated. You know, yucky. The bigger problem, is that while there are great ideas out there, like Fly Lady's system, and good intentions, like that superstar blogger mom who has 14 children and a Pinterest worthy house, these aren't helpful for real people. People who don't have time for a lengthy system and who don't have older kids to help with the younger ones. I need to know how to do this now, and by myself, because as much as I hate to admit it, I can't get my kids to do enough around the house that it's actually helpful to me. (there. I admitted it. I have a chore chart that no one follows. You're welcome.) I also have no mother's helper, I'm gonna lose my mind if I have to wait for my husband to get home for me to start cleaning, and I refuse to stay up until 3am to sweep my floors (I'm 30. Sleep is the new "fun".).

So here it is, folks. Here is how to get your house in order without shining your sinks, making it a "goal" to get dressed every day (seriously, just get dressed), and without any photos of my gorgeous home (that you know you'll never achieve) (actually, my home is achievable).

1) Have a bonfire. Burn everything that doesn't serve a purpose. (real deal: eliminate, eliminate, eliminate! If you don't believe me, bag up a bunch of stuff and see if anyone really needs it within the next three months. They won't. Donate, giveaway, or throw out. Sell only if you truly have the time, otherwise you know it's just going to continue to sit.)

2) Get a dog. Consider her a robot vacuum. (real deal: clean as you go. Sweep after meals, wipe the bathroom sink out with your washcloth after you wash your face, throw your dirty clothes in the hamper instead of on the floor, 

3) Mary Poppins. Study and become that woman! (real deal: make things easier on yourself. Get a steam mop, a washer and dryer, a mother's helper if you can afford one, paper towels (sometimes sanity outweighs the need to be Green, it's true), stop folding your underwear, and start using pretty bins for whatever toys and books you have left.)

4) Giveaway the dishwasher. Whatever enables you has to go. (real deal: whatever enables you has to go. Yup. That dishwasher that allows you to let dishes sit, both dirty, and clean? How much time do you spend rinsing, putting in, taking out, etc.? If you only have a sink and limited counter space, you'll get the dishes washed after almost every meal. This also means you won't need as many dishes. Which starts the cycle again of you making sure you get them clean. See how motivating this is? It applies to laundry, too--only have as many clothes as you need, and you'll be getting the laundry done a lot faster.)

5) Invite people over. Weekly in-law desert nights are on the agenda. (real deal: this works, and you know it!)

Tips for Being Productive At Home

One thing that many moms struggle with is utilizing their time while at home. This doesn't just apply to stay at home moms, either! Often, we know that this is a problem but we don't know where to even begin in a way that will actually improve the situation. Fortunately, you can improve your own productivity and thus reduce your stress by staying focused on a few simple things that will make a big impact on yoru day. Print these out and post them where you can easily see them throughout the day.

Before doing anything else, ask yourself this question to see if you should even include what you're doing in your schedule:

Does this benefit myself or my family? Does this harm anyone? Am I intrinsically fulfilled by doing this? Does doing this in the way that I am and the amount of time I spend on it a true reflection of what I value and who I want to be?

Once you have established how you should approach the actions that make up your day by answering the above questions, then you can begin to apply the following rules to help yourself be more productive.

• Set a limit on your screen time. This means Facebook, Blogging, TV watching, texting, surfing the web, and checking email. Don't trick yourself by thinking that your searching for deals online is exempt from this rule! What used to be chatting on the phone for our own moms when they were raising us has now become playing games on our smart phones and getting into debates on Facebook, or even gossiping in online message board forums for us. Find a number that is reasonable (whether 20 minutes or an hour), and stick to it. Get a timer!
• Make a menu. These are easy to do, don't take a ton of time, and can be saved to reuse in the following weeks or months. You can make these weekly or monthly, and you'll find that it'll reduce your grocery bill, the amount of food you waste, and make you feel way more on top of your home management!
• Rest. It's important to find time to rejuvinate yourself, whether it's by getting a good night's sleep, reading a book, working out, or meditating. This will not only improve your mood, but also your productivity!
• Make a chore schedule. Include who's laundry gets done on what days (don't forget towels, sheets, and diapers!), the "daily" chores like sweeping and dishes, as well as the "monthly" chores like mopping and scrubbing the bathtub. Even better, put checkboxes on it so you can track and be motivated by your accomplishments. Include your children on this chore chart to help instill a good work ethic and family responsibility within them.
• Target your weakness. Do you find yourself watching TV too much during the day? Did you ever stop to think that it might be because you're lonely and lacking stimulating conversation? Try listening to a book on CD while you're folding laundry instead. By looking at the reason behind the behavior that you want to change, you may be able to find an alternative and thus eliminate the problem altogether.

Love Happens Here

I am the full time mama of a 3-year-old and 18-month-old. My children are 20 months apart. While I do work full time, I consider myself a stay-at-home mama just as much as I consider myself a working-outside-the-home mama. In fact, I find that the 40 hours a week that I spend at my "job" is easier and less stressful than the other 128 hours a week I spend with my kiddos. Sometimes, I think I'm going crazy, and I crave to go to work...the funny thing is, as soon as I'm at work, I miss my babies something fierce! It's a funny world, the blend between working motherhood and home motherhood.

Before anything else, I am a mother. Lately, I have been working 40-hours-straight every weekend so that I can be the one with my children during the week. I go in at 7pm Friday night, and stay until Sunday at 11am. Marvelous, it is, but it's also a schedule cut out for someone who belongs in a loony bin. Imagine the possibility of being awake for many hours straight and responsible for people's lives no matter how tired you are? Yes, I am a paramedic. And yes, your life will always come before my need for sleep and no matter how tired I am, you are going to get my absolute best care. Imagine packing three people up for three days, and getting your house in order before that so when you come back, you have something clean to wear.

Because I choose my children to come first (ok, after God!), I do things a little differently. I work ridiculous shifts so that I can be the one with them 5 days a week. The house is sometimes a mess because I don't park them in front of the TV so I can clean all of the time. I have no idea what current TV shows are playing. I haven't read anyone's blog in forever (I miss that!). Lately, I haven't even been able to work out (UGH). My sewing projects are still waiting, my bedroom still isn't arranged the way I want it to be, and sometimes, I get lonely being with no other adults sometimes for days on end. However...

There are a lot of things that we do. We do family. Lego creations get built. Magnificent make believe stories get told. Dancing in the living room happens. We do loud. Songs are sung. Pictures are painted. Baby dolls are rocked. Giggle erupt constantly. Tickle fights are a routine. Jumping on the bed (shhhhh!) sneaks in.We do discipline. Spankings, time out's, and "the look" may be given throughout the day---but they are overshadowed by hugs, attention, and the exchange of a thousand magical kisses. We do learning. Snowflakes are tasted. Letters are traced. Colors are mixed. Chores are done (even if they aren't real effective yet!). We do love.

Love happens here, and that is why those other things we don't do aren't really missed.

Love Exuberantly

This is what I think...

You should hold your babies more, and never stop kissing them and telling them that you love them. You shouldn't be afraid to rock them to sleep, to let them get messy, or to let them snuggle you in the morning before you get out of bed. It doesn't matter if your floor isn't always spotless or the clean laundry always folded. It does matter that your children know they are loved unconditionally with an agape love. It does matter that you touch them and hold them and giggle with them and smile at them. Remember that the purest form of you is who you are when you're with your children. Let them know that they are the best thing in the whole wide world. Love those children, and make sure they know it. Don't ever hold back; love exuberantly.

This is what I think...

You should spend more time with that person who you are bound to. Whether it's a best friend, a girl friend, or a husband, be with them. You don't know when an accident will happen, cancer will strike, or something unforeseen takes them from you. Cherish your time. Love them. Stay up late talking, watching funny movies, and listening to the rain. Don't be afraid to experience everything possible that life offers with that person. Take every opportunity to love on that person, to fix every problem that hinders your relationship, and to serve that person with bounding joy. Learn to love better, and practice it. Do not take them for granted or take lightly the memories you have the opportunity to create together. Hold on to that person, the one that you can't live without, or at least that you don't ever, ever, ever want to live without. Love that person, and make sure they know it. Don't hold back; love exuberantly.

This is what I think...

I don't know what you felt when you got that phone call, and I won't pretend that I felt your fear. I do know, though, that I will hold your unconscious baby, sing to him, and love him for you when you can't do it yourself. I will do everything that is absolutely possible to give life to your baby, no matter what it costs me in the process. I will always be sure that I know what I'm doing, that everything is ready, and that your child comes first when my scanner goes off and I step into that ambulance. You don't need to fear, because when I get there, he becomes my baby too, and there is nothing stronger than a mama's heart. Know that if anything ever happens; if I can't get our baby to the place where he should be, or if things go wrong and something happens, I will be sobbing too. You may not see it, but I am breaking inside, too.

I won't pretend that I understand what it must be like to see your  unresponsive husband lying on a backboard with blood pooling everywhere. I do know though, that I feel part of your pain when I want him to wake up and he doesn't. When I know that he may never open his eyes again. When I know that you are standing there watching him die while I try to give him life. It's not easy as I gently tell you to hold his hand and kiss him, to talk to him and reassure him. What I am really saying is that you need to tell him goodbye and hold on to him for these minutes that he is still here for. Know that I am doing everything I can, though. Part of a team, I am still watching everyone and everything. I will speak up on his behalf, and I will make sure he is treated correctly. I will talk to him by name as I push oxygen into his lungs, and I will be ready to do everything possible to get him home. But if that doesn't happen, know that I am standing behind you, and that I wanted him to live, too.

This is what I think.
Seize every opportunity possible to love exuberantly. Don't wait for tomorrow, for tomorrow may never come.

-------

Originally posted at http://OctobersHeart.blogspot.com. 

If you aren't already following my blog there, then head on over! 

Making Milk At A Meth Lab

Working mamas push the limits of where, when, and how to pump milk for their babies every day. A few months ago, I began to think of all the crazy places I've had to express milk for my children. Here was the list I could remember:

1. Public restrooms EVERYWHERE, including while sitting on the floor of stalls because my pump-outlet cord wasn't long enough for me to at least sit on the edge of the toilet seat.
2. In the car while traveling.
3. On the floor of a car in a mall's parking lot with a coat over my head. The mall's restroom was closed, the stores not open yet, and I had no batteries for my pump so I had to sit there and express by hand with a coat over my head, hoping that people walking by wouldn't notice me and call Security.
4. In the "on track" ambulance at the busiest location during a NASCAR race.
5. In the back of an ambulance going to and from calls.
6. Into public restroom sinks because I had no other option (you know, the bathrooms that have everything in one room so you can lock the door!).
7. In an office cubicle.
8. While discussing EMS related things with 5 male coworkers. In person. Thank God for nursing covers--they work great for pump covers, too!
9. And also the "normal" places like my living room couch.

 While some of these places seem appalling and shocking to some, I'm sure, it all comes down to this: you do what you have to do. I thought I had reached the climax of best, worst, and most ridiculous places to have to pump at. And then there was last Tuesday.

My partner and I were attempting to grab a quick lunch when our tones went off and dispatch requested that "the on duty crew call the control center." This generally means a suicide attempt, domestic dispute, or drug bust. I called and was told that we needed to move to standby at a meth lab take down about half an hour from our station. With no time to call in another crew, I grabbed my backpack and we jumped in our ambulance.

We arrived at a nice home with a well manicured lawn that also now included 15 state trooper SUV's, a handful of expensive other "private" law enforcement related cars, and a few fire trucks, a decontamination trailer, and dozens of people in suits, turnout gear, space like suits (decon), uniforms, and camouflage (apparently the Special Op's team from a few hours away). Not knowing what to really expect at such a shin-dig, my partner and I were surprised to learn that this would be an all day event. So, I threw my nursing cover on, plugged in my pump, and made milk for my baby while watching the take down of a meth lab.

No one got shot, no booby traps hurt anyone, and I eventually left unscathed to call in a different crew to cover the remaining hours of standby. And with all that said, I'm pretty sure I have now pumped everywhere possible.

Little Clothes

Surely, I am not the only mother who has done this...

My son is 12-weeks-old today. I officially packed away his 3-6m clothing, and even moved him into medium sized diapers. It's bitersweet.

I realized in all of this, that I didn't have enough 6-9m clothing (one grocery bag full, to be exact!). So I went down in our basement, and pulled out LoveBug's 6-9m clothing bins in the hopes that I'd find something boyish looking in all of the little girl clothes. And then the tears came.

There is something about clothing for me...I often think about how much I've forgotten of LoveBug's infancy, but all of the sudden, when I pick up these itty-bitty clothing, things come back. I remember how she sat up for the first time while wearing that pink hoodie that says "LOVE" on it. And I remember how it felt when I held her in that purple and white checkered sleeper. Oh, how I long to slow down these precious days.

I was going to try to sell some of her baby clothes to help fund my business venture. But I don't know if I'm ready to yet. Maybe I can sell a few things. Maybe not. You see, there is so much that I don't remember about LoveBug being little. Thankfully, all of her "big" milestones happened in the evening when I was home with her. But for all of those little smiles, giggles, kisses, and naps, I was gone.

So many people told me it would get easier. That I wouldn't cry every day I came to work after the first week. That I would even be glad to leave my baby with someone else for the "break." That I eventually wouldn't care if my child didn't get my breast milk, so I would stop pumping. That I eventually wouldn't care if she got a rash from a disposable diaper because they're easier than using cloth.

But it didn't get easier, and I didn't stop caring. For every 5 or 6 days a week that I had to leave her, my heart broke. It still breaks when I think about how much I missed. I know that I didn't have an option, and that I really did do the best thing for my family. I know that her Daddy was with her, or her Grandma and Aunts if he was working. But it wasn't me.

I don't dwell on the fact that I missed so much of her first 18 months. I don't even think about it that often, really. But the fact remains that it wasn't me, and no matter how hard I try to grasp certain memories, I can't. I hate that.

Thank you, Jesus, for little clothes. They are like a band-aid for this mama's heart.

The Great SAHM vs. WOHM Debate

I wrote the article below for DiaperSwappers.com where I also blog at. While I'm not really supposed to double post, I wanted to get some input on your thoughts about this article before I post it over at Diaper Swappers. The reason is that I want to make sure I articulated myself well enough to not offend everyone and that I'm not creating more problems than I'm solving. Please leave me your thoughts as a comment below--should I post this article over at Diaper Swappers, or not?

I began my mothering career by being at home full time for the first six weeks of my daughter's life. Six weeks and five days after her birth, I returned to my full time weekday and part time Saturday job with breast pump and tissues in tow. I continued this journey for the next 17 months until I was pregnant with my second child and taken off of work at 32 weeks gestation due to pregnancy complications. My daughter was 18-months-old at that time and I felt as though I had missed all of her infancy. We spent the next 8 weeks cuddling and playing to make up for the time spent apart, finally with me as a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM).

After my son was born, I began working part time when he was five-weeks-old. With two babies in tow, I am ever so thankful that my husband was able to finally find a job after a two year search. While I still have to work to make ends meet, I am now a work-out-of-home-mom (WOHM) two days a week, a work-at-home-mom (WAHM) one day a week, and a SAHM for the other four days. Having experienced all of these different mothering styles has allowed me some insight into the challenges and rewards of each one, and I can now say that I think the enjoyment and difficulty level of each one just depends on the mother and the circumstances surrounding why she is one of these three things.

When I was a WOHM, I would often receive snide comments from sometimes well meaning and sometimes not so well meaning individuals. They were from all three types of mothers—not just from SAHM's which many people assumed. The interesting thing, though, is that as a SAHM and now part time WOHM, I'm still receiving comments—they're just of a different sort! It seems as though the dreaded “mommy wars” hound mothers for their titles of WOHM/SAHM/WAHM. It's too bad, because being a mother is hard enough without being judged and criticized for your work status.

Here's a secret that a lot of moms seem to forget: we don't all like the status we're currently in. I despised being a full time WOHM and I still hold true to that even after being a full time SAHM (contrary to the ever popular “so do you still want to be home?” question I'm asked after experiencing the life of a SAHM...like I'm supposed to start dreading it after two weeks or something)! However, I know women who hate being SAHM's and prefer to work away from the home. And guess what: it's okay to be different.

Remember that the mothers in your situation and those in a different situation may not be there because they want to be. Be careful what you say, because your innocent comment may strike the dagger into the heart of the mom who would do anything to be in your shoes. Having now seen both sides of the story, I can attest to wanting to pull my hair out from being home with two babies for three days straight and not even having had time to pee. But I can also attest to crying all day at work because someone else is watching my daughter roll over for the first time. Motherhood isn't about which role is more difficult, and if we're honest, the martyrdom of having the “toughest” work status (whichever we determine that to be on any given day) doesn't actually make us a better mother than the one who we think has it “easier.”

A woman's work status doesn't determine her intelligence level, talent, or capabilities. It shouldn't determine her character, either, so let's stop warring over the great WOHM vs. SAHM debate. Instead, next time we're about to say something or be offended by something someone else said, let's remember that we're all different. Sometimes, a mama just needs to vent. It isn't a jab at someone else for the SAHM to say that she's ready to ship her kids to Taiwan or for the WOHM to say that she would be fine if the only people she ever spoke to again were her kids. Sometimes, a mama just needs encouragement, and sometimes, a mama just needs to know that it's okay to dislike, or even to like, her status.

So the next time you're about to be offended by something someone said, or when you're about to say something in regards to working in the home, at home, or away from home, stop and remember. Remember that what makes us mothers isn't our work statuses. It is the fact that we love our children, want what's best for them, and are going to do whatever we have to do to make that happen. Love, not work, is what makes the world go 'round.

How to pump milk in the back of an ambulance

How to pump milk in the back of your ambulance when you have no electricity:

Step #1: Secure sheets in any way possible so as to cover all windows. This may include tying, wedging, and taping the sheets in place. Be sure to lock the doors before hanging your drapery.

Step #2: Avoiding the flies that are buzzing around (thanks to the windows that have been open all day since your air conditioning is broken), sit on the jump seat and lean forward.

Step #3: Envisioning flowing fountains, crying babies, and bottles of milk, try to get your milk to "let down" by doing short sqeeze-release motions.

Step #4: Be careful not to spill any milk as you hand express and swat at flies, grab a sheet as it falls down, and answer your radio all at the same time.

Step #5: Tilt your head backwards for a minute to relieve the cramp that has built up since you've been staring straight down for 7 minutes.

Step #6: Switch sides and start again.

Step #7: Carefully put away milk (20 minutes later) as your ambulance starts to move and shake out your hands that are now completely cramped up from the repetitive milking motion. Be glad you finished in time for the call.

Step #8: Make sure you are fully covered, then quickly take down the sheets, fold them back up, unlock the doors, put the pump away, plug back in the cardiac monitor that you had unplugged in an attempt to find an electricity source for your electric pump that you didn't get to use, and wipe away your sweat from the heat and tears from the back spasms (you have been leaning over for quite some time now). Do this all within one minute's time so you can climb between the seats to jump up front and tell your driver how to get where you're going.

Step #9: Smile and laugh as you realize how ridiculous but important of a task you just completed.

Step #10: Wait 2.5 hours and start again.

My first day back at work

Here’s a riddle for you: what do Christmas trees, “Free Mamograms Today—no appointment necessary” signs, alien yard decorations, and beer all have in common? Answer: NASCAR.

NASCAR is a culture all of its own. For three days a year, four distinct groups of people come together for an event that gets crazier by the day. I call these groups The Paid People, The Whackers, The Spectators, and The Drivers. It is an event that reminds me to count intelligence as a blessing and that not everyone can make smart choices. It is an event that my children will never attend.

Day One: I sit in the pits all day, counting the various ways in which I can arrange my body in an ambulance seat. It’s my first day working and I miss my babies, but I’m grateful for the money and the chance to nap. I almost get run over while crossing the lot to go to the restroom by a few NASCAR drivers who apparently think it’s more important to go from the garage to the track at 40 mph than it is to preserve the life of the paramedic who might be saving their butt later in the day.

Day Two: I am stationed with a group of firefighters in the camp ground next to a food vendor who wants $7.00 for a cheese steak. I explain to my cohorts that I just had a baby and will need to pump milk every few hours, but that I’ll be fully covered so no one should feel awkward if they need to enter the camper. One of the female firefighters (missing a few teeth and still wearing her pajamas) says to me in an appalling tone “you’re baby is only 5-weeks-old and you left him to come up here?!” I want to tell her that, believe me, I’m still the better mother because she’s sitting there with a cigarette, swearing up and down in front of her 11-year-old scantily dressed daughter, and without having brushed her hair today…but instead, I shrug and tell her my family needs the money. I also mention that I want to be with my baby, would be if I could, miss him, and that he’s with his grandmother. I think about sticking out my tongue and saying “bet YOU wouldn’t bother to pump milk for your baby while working!”, but I just close the camper door behind me instead.

My only call of the day involves a 30-year-old who had a heart attack last year (needing two stents) and who is now having chest pain. He tells me he was “just smoking a cigarette” when the chest pain came on, and I ask him if he wants to die. He sheepishly replies “no,” and I inform him that he is now an ex-smoker then.

Day Three: I am stationed with a different fire department in a different area of the camping sections. From 6am-9am, things are pretty decent. I’m able to pump, eat breakfast, and even take a 30-minute nap. Then things start to roll and I find myself 2.5 hours late pumping. So instead of ensuring the future feeding of my son, I am transporting people who are in their 30’s but who don’t know that shouldn’t drink 12 beers, no water, and still expect to not get dehydrated after standing around in the sun for 5 hours. I remind myself to teach my son to be smarter than that.

So the working-pumping-motherhood adventures have begun again. Thankfully, God has worked miracles in my life and I will not be a full time working mom any more. *BIG happy smile* I resigned from my regular job and will instead be a paramedic two days a week, a music teacher (from my home) one day a week, and an online entrepreneur the rest of the time (just what that will be, I have yet to determine). Do I want to be with my babies all of the time? Absolutely! Am I glad, though, that I have the opportunity to make ends meet and help other people during their times of need (or stupidity, as today would have it) while I’m at it? Yes! Returning to work is never easy, but this time, I didn’t cry as I pumped my baby’s first bottle of milk. For all of these things, I am grateful.

My First Day As A SAHM

I’ve been home now for almost three weeks after being taken off of work early due to pre-labor symptoms. My midwife thought that if I didn’t have the stress of work, then my contractions, cramping, and trouble breathing would subside. I thought it would, too. Then, I met my toddler.
Let me preface this by saying that it has been my DREAM to be at home with my beautiful 18-month-old since I had to go back to work full time + when she was only 6-weeks-old. I never stopped crying, and though things got easier over the next year, having someone else take care of her has been the hardest and most depressing thing I’ve ever gone though. So really, even if I can’t work thanks to health reasons, I’m at home with my daughter now and that thrills the socks off of me!

So Day One came. Yes, I’m very pregnant. Yes, my house is a complete disaster because I’m never home long enough to clean it up other than the essentials. And yes, our kitchen is torn out and so all three of us are sleeping in our nursery as the rest of our rooms hold kitchen cabinets, dishes, and all of our bedroom contents. All of this was okay, though. We slept in (until 8am which was a big change from 6:15am!), ate our breakfast on the couch, and I even washed all of our dirty dishes in the bathroom sink and had them drying on a clean towel on the floor next to the bathtub which I had just scrubbed and sanitized (toys and shower walls included) the night before.

Things were going well and I wasn’t too exhausted yet, so I decided to attempt giving LoveBug a bath (not easy with this belly of mine). I managed with difficulty to wash her hair and had just finished rinsing it when I noticed something coming out of her bottom. You’ve got it, my daughter decided to poo in the bathtub. It was a lot (seriously a lot), and it began to spread. I grabbed her out and put her next to me while I tried to quickly scoop any solids I could get into a bucket and then into the toilet. In the meantime, I have a dripping wet toddler next to me who wants to get back in, and a towel thrown over the dishes in an attempt to protect them as I dripped water across them.

Then my daughter decides to pee all over my leg and the floor where she’s standing. How she managed to not just do this while she was otherwise relieving herself surrounded by floating ducks and boats, I don’t know. So there I am, huffing and puffing, pregnant belly, clean dishes on the floor, dripping wet toddler…all in front of a bathtub now ridden with bacteria, bath toys, and a sippy cup that I foolishly allowed my daughter to play with in the tub for the first time in her life. *sigh*

Somehow, I managed to only spend the next half hour to hour re-cleaning and sanitizing everything in the tub again. Thankfully, my daughter only had to pee once more during all of this and so my leg was left wet but not dripping by the time we could escape the bathroom. When it was all said and done, though, I got to sit on my couch with a naked toddler, smothered in little kisses and nose rubs, and met with the biggest and beautiful-est of smiles.

I wouldn’t trade this for the world.

I love you, LoveBug, and I’m glad to be your mama…even if I have to scoop out the bathtub water.

My Plan

Sometimes, my life doesn't go as planned, and especially if it has anything to do with a computer.

*sigh*

Does this happen to anyone else?

I had planned on posting every day during April. As we know, I almost made that happen, but not quite. I thank my work obligations for that one, but hey, that's what pays the bills so ya gotta let your responsibilities speak, right?

I had planned on posting a wonderfully heart warming tribute to Babylost Mama Day yesterday. Well, just in case you got online to read it--you noticed that it wasn't there! My beautiful 18-month-old daughter came down with a 103f temperature over the weekend along with some yucky poo. Yesterday evening, her right knee mysteriously began hurting and she is unable to bear weight on it again today, though her temp is down to the low 101's. :-( Needless to say, we didn't get to leave my house over the weekend so that I could use the Internet somewhere to post and turn in school assignments that were due last night at midnight. I couldn't get the computer/Internet to really work around dinner time when I tried at our house (not unusual). I waited to try again until LoveBug was asleep, then hauled my pregnant self out of bed to do my school work only to have the neighbor's wireless Internet connection not be strong enough for us to pick up, and then the computer died, too. *sigh* This stresses me out because that means a big fat ZERO on two assignments.

So today, I am at work, rushing to get things done that have got to be done today before I leave early for my midwife appointment. I am trying to figure out how I can get my school work done and praying that my teacher will somehow be gracious enough to still give me credit (unlikely--who has a story like mine?), and all the while knowing that my daughter is sick-sick-sick and I'm not the one with her. :-(

Who hands their baby off with a high temperature and leg hysteria? Me. Thankfully, she's with my R.N. mother who after having 8 children of her own is more than capable of handling a sick baby, but...I'm not the one with her. So my precious LoveBug will be going to the Dr. today with her Mimi (Grandmother). I wrote a note giving my permission for this, but really, that's a joke from any working mom. We are forced to "give our permission" to someone else every single day that we have to leave our babies. I think that's the worst thing about being a working mom--you render the control of your child to someone else and you just have to hope and pray they follow your wishes. It's funny that even the smallest things like asking your caretaker to keep a journal of what your baby eats and when she sleeps can be a big deal for them and thus some caretakers will do it and some won't. What's the big deal? Can't you understand that even if I'm not with my child, I AM STILL THE MAMA?! Who cares if I want to know how many times my daughter got her diaper changed during the day...

*sigh*

Okay, so here's the plan that I'm hoping to accomplish today:

1) Post the guest blog about when your birth doesn't go as you'd planned by Carrie (http://ohbabyo.wordpress.com/)

2) Post about Babylost Mama day

3) Post another review and giveaway (yes, folks, we've got more baby and mama products coming!)

4) This week: take a break from new baby and mama giveaways to focus on remembering babies who have been lost and the mamas and families left behind. I'll be sharing the stories emailed to me from babylost mamas as well as doing a review of products specially designed for these mothers from Earth Mama Angel Baby.

What will really happen? Only God knows, but at least HE remains in control...and that makes me happy, despite any ridiculous situations I find myself in. :-)

Morning

This is what I’m working towards.
This is what motivates me.

I want to wake up and just watch my daughter sleep. Right now, when I wake up in the morning, I have to get ready for work, pack the diaper bag, and then wake up my sleeping daughter so she can go to Grandma’s house. On the weekend, I try to take a nap with her but I can’t go to sleep because I can’t stop looking at her. As I study her face, I tell myself that someday, I will be able to look at her as much as I want to. As I try to memorize every moment so I can think of it as I sit at my desk later, I remind myself that this is only a season.

I want to sit on the couch and share breakfast with Pooh Bear. Right now, I watch as my daughter gets the pillows arranged so that she’s “comfy,” patting the spot next to her so that daddy or I will sit down and share her Cheerios with her and Pooh. I sit down only for a moment, and it’s only because I have to put her socks on her…but I want to stay. As I smile and laugh with her as she feeds me her breakfast, I tell myself that someday, we will always share our cereal with each other and Pooh. Together.

I want to stand at the door in the morning and watch the birds. Right now, we stand at the door and watch for Grandma to arrive. My daughter smiles when the van pulls up, but immediately clings to me at the same time. She motions that Grandma should stay here and visit while mommy holds her. As I burry my face in her curly hair and she snuggles into my neck, I wish that this moment wouldn’t end. I remind myself that this is harder on me than her, and she is always thrilled to be at Grandma’s house. I remind myself that I won’t always have to give her to someone else every morning.

This is what motivates me. I want to see my daughter grow instead of be surprised at how heavy she is when I pick her up after work. I want to hear her say “bye bye” instead of get a text message telling me that she just said it. I want to get the most kisses and even change the most diapers.

This is what I’m working towards. I will create an opportunity.

Using Cloth Diapers While Working Full Time

We began using cloth diapers on LoveBug before our stash of newborn sized disposables that people had given to us as gifts even ran out. It was a decision that I carefully researched and knew would be the BEST decision for the health of our baby and our sanity (who really wants stinky, oily diapers sitting in a can? Not to mention the cost...). Her grandmothers would be the primary caretakers of LoveBug during the day and when we mentioned using cloth diapers, we were met with a look of horror and a comment of "well, you can just buy disposables for me! I'm not using cloth!" from one of them. Yikes.

Day care and family providers both may show resistance to cloth diapering your child. On top of that, there are a lot of logistical factors to figure out when your child is watched outside of the home during the week. Here is a list of things that can help you make the transition to or maintaining your use of cloth while still working outside of the home:

1) Educate your provider. Instead of telling her that your child will be using cloth diapers, bring a diaper to show her when you approach the topic. Most people still envision prefolds, pins, and Gerber rubber pants when they think of cloth diapers! Showing them a ready-to-go, cute, and easy to use diaper may make the entire difference. It wasn't until my mother-in-law actually saw one of our pocket diapers that she decided she could try it.

2) Only send easy-to-use diapers with your child. The easiest diapers would be an all-in-one, sized diaper (not a one-size which requires more snapping), that uses aplix (Velcro) to keep it on. That way, your provider doesn't have to stuff anything, doesn't have to Snappi or pin anything, and doesn't have to try to remember which snap setting works best for your child. An AOI aplix diaper is as close to the convenience of putt on a disposable that you can get! If you want to keep using pockets or something (like we do), pre-assemble everything for the provider. Make it easy.

3) Be educated yourself. A provider may still have reservations if she doesn't know about the benefits or ease of cloth diapering. Bring a wet bag to show her about storage and come prepared with a list of benefits to using cloth. A little information can go a long way as long as you don't come across as rude!

4) Have a big wet bag on hand. If your child is going to need 7 diaper changes, your regular sized wet bag that holds 4 diapers may not do the trick. For any size, I recommend using a bag from Monkey Foot Designs. They're the best made bag I've used and come in a variety of prints and sizes. You certainly don't want a leaky bag or one that isn't big enough. Should your provider ever run out though, tell her to just use a plastic grocery bag for used diapers!

5) Consider using disposable liners. The Diaper Junction offers a variety of liners that you just lay on top of your diaper like usual, but then can throw into the toilet, taking any solids with it. Biodegradable and easy to use...and you won't have to deal with 8-hour-old poo.

6) Buy a diaper sprayer. There will be times where your dirty-diaper bag sits for a few days before you can get to them (embarrassing to admit, I know). In those moments, a diaper sprayer will make your life a lot easier. My top recommendation is the bumGenius Diaper Sprayer.

That's it! Continuing to cloth diaper while working is not only easy (with planning), but affordable, better for your baby, and better for the environment. More questions? Shoot me an email!

A Baby's Guide to Mom Returning to Work

One of the feelings I struggled with the most when returning to work after LoveBug was born was the lack of control I now had in my child's life. Even though I would ask certain things of her caregivers (always a family member), the truth was that the caregiver was going to do whatever she was going to do and I wouldn't be there to stop her. Most of the time, everything was okay...but there were a few times when my will was deliberately went against or I was left out of the loop by a lack of communication.

As Mommies, we need to remember that we are the best person for our child. It doesn't matter if we aren't the ones who can be with our babies every day. We are still our baby's mommy. Over the last year, I have learned that something as simple as packing the diaper bag differently each day can help give me back my rightful sense of control. I may not be there to protect my child, but darnit, I will do everything within my power to provide my child with the best experience possible and to know everything I can about her day!

Here are some things that I add to our bag to ease the transition and enhance the communication for both baby and myself:

1) Photo of mommy and daddy. LoveBug has been able to recognize her mommy and daddy through photos since she was very young. Part of her daily routine at Mimi's house now is to find our wedding photo, point to her Ma and her Da, and give us kisses! Now do I know that this actually helps her bonding with us? Nope, I don't have any idea if it helps in any way...but it sure does make me feel better, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if she likes knowing that she can see me at any time of the day that she wants to. This gives HER a sense of control!

2) Mama's milk. It makes me feel a whole lot better knowing I'm providing the ultimate nutrition for my child, and I know that she prefers the taste over anything else (at least until she was about 1-year-old. Now she drinks other things during the day and doesn't use a bottle). Being able to still give my child something so precious to both of us even when I can't be with her is amazing!

3) Cloth diapers. I like to use CD's for so many reasons, but for this particular blog entry, I like to use them because then I know exactly how many diaper changes she had during the day. Using CD's also tells me how much urine she excreted (by how saturated the diaper inserts are), and the consistency and frequency of any bowel movements (even though these are dumped out before the diapers are given back).

4) Something that smells like mom. When LoveBug was very young, I'd send a worn shirt for her to snuggle against while she was sleeping. There IS research to back up the whole mom-baby scent thing. :-) It helps the bonding process, and also relaxes the baby more when sleeping. Now that LoveBug is older, she doesn't need a shirt anymore, but I will let her take something of mine with her if she grabs it and puts it into her bag.

5) A keep-track notebook. I've seen commercial versions of these, but the idea is simple enough for you to make yourself. The idea is to create a place for the caregiver to write down details of your baby's day as well as any notes for you about questions, concerns, special moments, or upcoming events. You could use a blank notebook and just write the day's date at the top of the page, or better yet, create your own template and put it into a three-ring binder.

The template can break the day down by time (LH column) and add event icons across the top of the page (like a bottle, a diaper, a crib for napping, a toy for playing, etc.). Then, the caregiver can simply check the boxes as appropriate throughout the day, or write details (like "bm" in the diaper box if your child had a stool). You'll be able to quickly tell how many diapers your baby went through and for how long she napped. Another idea is to put the icons on the LH side of the page (in a column going down) and have the caregiver write the times in boxes across the paper horizontally along with any pertinent notes.

However you choose to do it, having a written record of your baby's day will make your life easier. It's difficult to rely on someone's memory to recall what your child ate, how much, and when. I also find it's hard for me to remember to ask about every detail...until I'm home and my child throws up...then I am immediately wondering what happened during the day!

6) Contact information. Including a luggage tag with your child's and your information on both the diaper bag and car seat is a great idea just in case of an emergency. Be sure to limit your child's information to only what's necessary (who wants a creepy stalker knowing these things?). Your tag may look like this:

Name: LoveBug; DOB 10/2008

Mother and Father: Rachel and Ron

H: (555) 555-5555; W: (555) 555-5551

Allergies/Medications/Medical History: none

Being a paramedic, how great it would be to have this information readily available every time I showed up to a car accident where there's a kid in a car seat and the parent is unconscious or taken away in a separate vehicle!

A Mom's Guide to Returning to Work

Returning to work after having a baby can be a pretty emotional and difficult experience for mothers. I've personally polled both fathers and mothers about their return-to-work experiences, and it seems as though mothers generally have a much harder time overall, and for a longer duration of time than their male counterparts. Unfortunately, there's no magical way to make you feel good about yourself, happy that you're working, and excited because your child is with someone else. There are a few good things to have in your bag on the first day you go back to work though, that can help you make it until you're home again.

1. Cell phone. Yes, you will probably cry when you call to check up on that precious little one, but you'll feel better being somehow connected than not at all.

2. Tissues. Make sure they contain aloe, or you'll have a red nose from all of the rubbing.

3. Photos. These can break your heart when you look at them, but you'll at least feel proud to show them off to your co-workers.

4. Something of your baby's. At first, I brought a small blanket with me that had LoveBug's scent. After crying into it a few times during pumping sessions though, I think it began to smell like me. As she got older, I would tuck other things into my bag or pocket. My favorite is a little silicone bracelet she loves to wear and chew on. I can put it into my pocket and touch it whenever I need to be close to her. Now, I'm delighted to find little things that she put into my work bag without me knowing--half eaten crackers or a small toy, usually. :-)

5. A good pump. Most laws have states that protect the right of a mother to pump milk for her child. It may be more work for you while you're at work, but the emotional benefit of knowing you're providing the best nutrition for your baby--and that you're the only one who can do it--outweighs the annoyance of rinsing things out in the sink when you're done. In fact, even though my daughter only nurses when I'm with her now (I was able to stop pumping just after she turned 1-year-old), I realized how important providing milk is to me when I thought she was done nursing altogether (it just turned out to be a one-night thing). To think that I had now lost the one thing I felt I could do for her that no one else could...It made me feel helpless! Well, I now realize that I have to be able to let go of nursing when she's ready, but I also realize how important it's been for me to have this connection and mark of "I AM HER MOMMY!" for myself. Having a good pump can make all the difference in whether or not you're able to get milk out when you're away from your child!

6. A good lunch and lots of water. You're already probably going to be an emotional wreck, so at least feed yourself properly so you don't have to contend with malnutrition, dehydration, or a low blood sugar as well.

7. A compassionate friend. If there's no one in your work, identify someone you can call, email, or just talk to when you get home about what you're going through. You will hear things that hurt when you go back to work, you may have to re-build your sense of motherhood, and you will find that you aren't able to keep up with everything in your life like you used to. It's going to be hard, but you aren't going to die. So make sure you have a support system to help you through the first day, week, and even year that you spend at work after having a baby.

The Pregnant Puker...at work

With LoveBug, I had morning sickness 24-hours a day for the entire 41 weeks and 4 days of being pregnant. I tried everything from Saltines in the morning to vitamin B6, papya, mangos, and B-Natal suckers (though they do taste really good). Nothing helped.

During the first half of my pregnancy, I was attending school full time and working ambulance full time. This led to a lot of traveling and a lot of interesting situations which promoted nausea. I didn't want to use my state of being pregnant as an excuse to get out of anything, so when I was given the task (in the hospital) of inserting a nasogastric tube into an eldery lady's nose so that we could draw out the feces that was backed up into her stomach, I did it. And I was doing okay until I saw the fecal material come up that clear plastic tube and into the bucket I was balencing on the patient. The head nurse asked me what was wrong and I simply uttered a meak "I'm pregnant" before she rolled her eyes, yelled at me for not telling her sooner, and had two aides whisk me outside into the fresh air.

On the ambulance, I didn't have the opportunity to run outside into the fresh air when I was hit with something bad. The first time it happened, I was chatting with a patient who was the CEO and founder of a local nation-wide company that sold cutlery. It was a routine transport and he felt fine--even promising to send me a pair of scissors when he got back home. During our conversation, I felt the nausea creeping up, so I just gently said "excuse me one moment," grabbed a puke basin, silently filled it behind him, and threw some drying chemicals and a towel over the bucket so no one would know what happened. Except for my partner who saw the whole thing and started laughing. He was male, obviously. I never got the scissors.

Other calls were worse, like the time I had a 16-year-old girl with a head injury who had made it all the way to the receiving hospital 1.5 hours away without puking. Then, as we're just about to the parking lot and I'm giving a radio report, she starts in. The radio report quickly ended as I grabbed a bucket for her and I to share. I had never, ever, thought I would break the cardinal rule of sharing a bucket for bodily fluids with a patient. There is just something seriously wrong with that picture, but when you're pregnant and it's coming up...

This pregnancy, my nausea isn't nearly as severe. Actually, none of my pregnancy symptoms are, and it's quite heavenly. I have a desk job this time and a short commute, so the gallon ice-cream bucket I keep in my car for those pregnancy problems hasn't even been used (I learned about the bucket after hitting my steering wheel and entire front dash one late night). I don't have to hug a disgusting porcelain bowl while waiting for calls, and I haven't had to throw up in front of anyone this time. No partner has had to hand me a towel after I've had to run to the side of a parking lot, and no one has laughed at me as I gag while cleaning up the back of a rig.

It's a beautiful thing, working while you're pregnant. The constant trips to the bathroom, trying to stay awake during boring meetings, finding clothing that allows you to go out into public...and the nausea and vomitting that can appear anywhere and everywhere. Thank God we can learn to laugh about these moments and catalog them away in our memory to share with our children when they're teenagers, giving us a hard time about something ("you have no idea what I went through to have you..."). And thank God it's women that have to go through this, because I don't know too many men who could live through 40 weeks of gut wrenching symptoms!

Take courage, pregnant women who must brave the world. Those babies are worth it in the end, and you can always move your car to another parking spot so as to leave the evidence behind when you go grocery shopping (just in case you forgot your ice-cream bucket).

It's Okay

I've come to a new place in my WOHM-ness. I think I spent the first year of my daughter's life grieving about not being with her. I still cry, and I still hate it, but it's a little different now with her being almost 14-months-old. For the first time, recently, I realized I'm not so bitter anymore.

Previously, when I heard a SAHM complain about being home, I cringed. I would either burst out crying or fill up with anger wanting to strangle her for taking her gift of being home for granted. Last week, though, I found out that I've changed. I stood and listened to a friend state how she tries to send her baby (who is the same age as my daughter) to day care 5-days-a-week. Not because this woman has to earn money, because she is ill, or because she wants one day a week to herself so she can really get her house in order. No, none of these things. She explained that she wants to send her baby to someone else because, well, she doesn't really enjoy being a mother. WHAT?! While they're away at day care, she watches TV. Yup, I'm not exaggerating here.

Even thinking about it now, I'm surprised that I'm not irate. My initial thought would normally be something along the lines of "you have GOT to be kidding me! Don't you understand how LUCKY you are to be given the opportunity to raise your children, and you're willingly giving that to someone else? And then you aren't even using your time to yourself to be productive? What is WRONG with you?!"...of course, I never said this out loud to anyone.

This time, my thought was this: I'm sad for you, that you don't enjoy being a mother. For me, it's been the most amazing, rewarding, and humbling thing I've ever experienced and I love every single moment of it. I'm sad that you can't experience that as well. While I wish that one's ability to stay home with her children was dependent upon her desire to, I know that's not how it works, and it's okay. It's too bad, but that's how it is. We are all different, and I don't feel a need to judge you because you don't enjoy your babies and you aren't home with them when you could be. It's okay that we're different.

I'm not angry. Instead, while I continue to mourn my loss of my daughter's first year of life, I am also able to enjoy the fact that I know God has very specific reasons as to why I'm not with LoveBug. I'm able to enjoy knowing that she loves going to her Grandma-Mimi's house every day, and that my mother and sisters have had the time of their lives this last year taking care of LoveBug every day. I'm also finding comfort in the fact that LoveBug has a very special relationship with her daddy that she may not have had if they hadn't been given the opportunity to spend so much time together. For these things, I'm thankful.

So while it will still continue being hard to be a WOHM and I will still have my days where I feel like I'm not doing anything well, at least I can rest in knowing that it's okay. It's okay that I'm not able to keep up with everything in my life. It's okay that some women don't want to be with their babies all of the time. And it's okay that everyone's not like me.

A "Good Job!" Letter from God

(Image taken from http://carlymariephotography.blogspot.com/2009/09/sky.html)

I had an interesting finding today: a while ago, I re-posted this blog entry about the Top 10 Things to NOT Say to a WOHM on a WOHM forum at Diaper Swappers. I'd forgotten all about doing this, until today when I revisited the forum and saw that I have had 2,966 views and 144 responses to that post. WHAT?! I thought I'd open it to find other WOHM's who also have heard the same comments and enjoyed a light-hearted but honest look at how these innocent comments can come across as. Instead, I found a whole lot of very, very offended SAHM's. Interesting to me because 1) the post wasn't about SAHM's and many of the comments have come from WOHMs, and 2) it was a humorous post--not to be taken too seriously.

Obviously my intent was not to offend anyone (hello, do I look like I want to be a WOHM? Why would I be against the very thing I want to be?), but nonetheless it happened (okay, and why are SAHM's even reading and then commenting mean things about me on a WOHM forum?). Maybe I should be a syndicated writer since I seem to be able to capture an audience and evoke strong participation. ;-)

In response to my post, someone had the brilliance to start a new thread entitled "10 Things a WOHM Would Love To Hear." It is this thread that has inspired me to think this idea. What would I like to hear? The obvious things that come to mind would be great--a WAHM job, a full body massage, an offer to clean my house and make dinners every night...But then I realized the thing that would encourage me the most: a "good job!" letter from God. This is what I'd like it to say:

Dear Rachel,

You are doing EXACTLY what I want you to be doing right now and I am proud of you. I want you to know that you are a great mom. It's okay if your house is never clean, you never get time to scrapbook, and you cry every day because you aren't with your baby. Being an accomplished homemaker, doting wife, and making special things for you and your family isn't what gives you value or makes you better than anyone else. You have value because I have chosen you; and you may only be better because of the person you are, not because of the things you do.

It's okay if other people misinterpret what you say, your reasons for working, and judge you. I know the struggles you have endured and continue to face with the decisions surrounding work and being away from your daughter. You haven't had to make an easy choice, and I know the choice you did make hurts you every single day. Rest in knowing that I am with you, and I understand. Remember that you are doing what I want you to do.

You see, I knew you'd have to work, and I still wanted your baby girl to be with you--not another family! It wasn't by accident that I put her with you. I knew that she wouldn't spend every day with you, that you wouldn't be able to teach her everything you wanted to, and that you would sometimes have to wake her up before she wanted to so that she could go to Grandma's house for the day. She is fine with these things, and it's okay. She knows who her mommy is, and she's glad you have given her the chance to spend so much time with the other people that she loves, too. Knowing everything you'd have to face and deal with, I still wanted her with you. You are the best mom there is for her.

Your daughter will grow up to be a strong, beautiful, godly woman and you will have had a great part in shaping her to be that way! Don't worry--you are giving her every opportunity to grow and learn that she needs. Her needs are being met, even if your heart is breaking. She is happy, healthy, and in love with her mama. That's what's important, right?

Don't be discouraged. I love you even more than you love your daughter. Keep up the great work!

Love,
God

10 Things to NOT Say to a WOHM

Just in case you ever wondered what we really hear when you tell us these things... 10 Things to NOT Say to a Work-Out-Of-The-Home-Mom

1) "I took off work for the first four years' of my child's life to be with him."

Translation: if you were a caring mother, you wouldn't work until your child is school aged.

2) "A woman's place is at home, so we trust God for our income."

Translation: if you use your brain and hands to work, you aren't a true Christian. (Never mind what the Bible actually says about that issue...)

3) You came back to work after only six weeks? Well, be glad. I took off 12 weeks after my son was born and it was much harder than if I had only taken 6 weeks off.

Translation: I got 12 weeks with my baby and you only had 6! Na-na-na-na-boo-boo!

4) "I take naps when my children do."

Translation: when I'm exhausted, I sleep. When you're exhausted, well, when do you sleep, anyway?

5) "I'm already pregnant with my next baby; my kids will only be 15-months apart! When are you going to have another one?"

Translation: I have the ability to take care of two children. Do you? (answer: absolutely NOT! How am I supposed to be pregnant while working FT, maintaining a home, transporting a baby for childcare, getting up in the middle of the night with a baby, and keeping my family healthy...all at the same time?! And how could I possibly live through leaving two babies in someone else's arms every day?! You must be crazy...)

6) "I send my daughter to day care twice a week so that I have some me-time."

Translation: I see my daughter so much that I actually want to have time without her.

7) "You breastfeed? Oh, I quit that; it's too much trouble."

My response: yeah? Try pumping at work. Or anywhere, for that matter.

8) "I love seeing all of my baby's 'firsts!"

Translation: Must be you don't care about firsts. After all, you work.

9) "I am so bored being a SAHM."

Translation: I am a spoiled princess who has the audacity to not use my time wisely nor to delight in every single moment of my child growing...and then I'm going to tell you about it.

10) "Did you know that you're son is crawling?"

Translation: you obviously spend no time with your child, so you won't know when he reaches developmental milestones.

Disclaimer: I do realize that SAHM's receive enough flack of their own. While not downplaying that, this is simply a humorous and honest look at the WOHM's side of things. And yes, I have heard each and every one of these things myself!

You Might Be A Paramedic Mama If...

You Might Be A Paramedic Mama If...

1) You catch yourself angerly wondering why the car in front of you isn't pulling over...and then it hits you: you're driving your personal vehicle.

2) When accused by your mother-in-law of being a safety freak about your own child, you respond with "better alive than dead" with no sign of humor attached.

3) Topics such as decapitations and hemorrhaging bowels isn't a strange topic at the dinner table.

4) When teaching your 16-year-old how to drive, your first lesson consists of having him drive to every spot in the county where a teenager died because of driving accidents (and yes, you pull over and share the story). Then you have him drive to the cemetery to view the graves of those teenagers before letting him go home and tell his friends that he just got his driver's permit.

5) Instead of pulling the "my baby's at home crying" stunt when a cop pulls you over for speeding, you first remind him that a) you're coming home from a 24-hour paramedic shift and just happened to still be in ambulance-speed mode, and b) that your milk is leaking.


6) You have ever pumped by hand into a zip-lock baggie while traveling 75mph in the back of a moving vehicle.

7) You have ever strewn sheets all around a vehicle so that you could pump in "private."

8) You have ever had a co-worker ask if you need "any help pumping" and didn't turn him in for sexual harassment.

9) You can recognize the difference in sound between an electric pump and an electric suction unit.

(did you notice the pumping theme?)

and, 10) You snuggle your babies extra close at night because you know that in the tick of a second, lives change. Babies are hurt, children are gone, and mama's didn't kiss them goodbye. So you always, always, always kiss your babies goodbye and hold them a little longer after they've fallen asleep at night.