Dear Mom Like Me

Dear mom who is run down, looks like a hot mess, feels like she can't remember who she is, is sure she is failing, feels guilty because she is secretly angry inside, is convinced her life is a hamster wheel, but somehow loves being with these amazing little people even more than she is frustrated by all of the "other" things that come along with them:

You know that you're enough, so I'm not going to tell you that. You know that this too shall pass, and you probably feel like you have no right to even tell anyone how you're feeling because you don't want someone to be confused and think that you aren't grateful for your children or that by feeling this way that you somehow take your children or your moments with them for granted.

I know you don't take the kids for granted. I know you don't take the moments for granted. I know you are grateful. But I also know that you miss yourself. I know that you struggle with being depressed and happy at the same time and man, it's so confusing. I know that you want to scream at doing 400 dishes a day, that Mt. Laundry might as well be called Mt. Never Ending Treadmill and that you just wish you could be a "normal" person (i.e. showering more than once a week) again.

Dear mama, this is what you need to know. This is what I need to know. And this is what we need to remember, and remind each other of daily:

• Your children think you're beautiful.
• No one else knows how messy your house is.
• Your kids don't care how messy your house is. (oh, the irony)
• If you're like me, you just can't accept the fact that your house is going to be messy while you have young children. Instead, work on accepting the fact that you're just going to feel crappy about how the house is while you have you have young children.
• You still have the same smile that your husband fell in love with.
• You can own your new "mom" identity. 
• You don't have to let go of who you used to be. Just because you haven't ran a marathon in 2 years, played piano in 6 months, aced a college exam in 10 years, or learned a new skill that didn't involve your offspring in...a long time..., doesn't mean that those things aren't still a part of who you are. There are seasons, and just because the corn isn't being harvested now, doesn't mean it isn't growing or that it won't be planted again. And if you decide to grow squash next time instead of corn, it's ok. Your entire life makes up you, not just the present.
• It's ok to rest. 
• It's ok to have a bad day.
• It's ok to love and hate what you're doing, where you're at, and to be frustrated by the fact that you can't change it.
• And it's ok to admit that none of these things mean that you don't love your kids more than all the other moms in the world. In fact, they have no effect on the fact that you are a rockstar mom or that your kids are going to grow up, call you blessed, and talk about the awesome memories they have of childhood--because they are going to have them. 

Maybe motherhood of young children is like childbirth; it's excruciatingly difficult at moments, but after it's done, you somehow become oblivious to the difficulties you went through and just remember the amazingness of it instead. Because let's face it, it is amazing hearing a person read for the first time. To see them discover their toes. To hear them say "I love you". The fact that we know what our baby needs by the way she cries. To be the one he needs in the middle of the night. That they want to tell us EVERYTHING. That is amazing.

And you, mama, are amazing, too. Keep your eyes above the waves. You're gonna make it, and you're gonna do great.

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How To Get Your House In Order In Only 5 Simple Steps (for REAL people)

Let's face it--we all want a clean house. Having a clutter filled home has actually been linked to depression for women, is scientifically bad for those with adrenal fatigue, and makes us all feel yucky. Inadequate. Overwhelemed. Irritated. You know, yucky. The bigger problem, is that while there are great ideas out there, like Fly Lady's system, and good intentions, like that superstar blogger mom who has 14 children and a Pinterest worthy house, these aren't helpful for real people. People who don't have time for a lengthy system and who don't have older kids to help with the younger ones. I need to know how to do this now, and by myself, because as much as I hate to admit it, I can't get my kids to do enough around the house that it's actually helpful to me. (there. I admitted it. I have a chore chart that no one follows. You're welcome.) I also have no mother's helper, I'm gonna lose my mind if I have to wait for my husband to get home for me to start cleaning, and I refuse to stay up until 3am to sweep my floors (I'm 30. Sleep is the new "fun".).

So here it is, folks. Here is how to get your house in order without shining your sinks, making it a "goal" to get dressed every day (seriously, just get dressed), and without any photos of my gorgeous home (that you know you'll never achieve) (actually, my home is achievable).

1) Have a bonfire. Burn everything that doesn't serve a purpose. (real deal: eliminate, eliminate, eliminate! If you don't believe me, bag up a bunch of stuff and see if anyone really needs it within the next three months. They won't. Donate, giveaway, or throw out. Sell only if you truly have the time, otherwise you know it's just going to continue to sit.)

2) Get a dog. Consider her a robot vacuum. (real deal: clean as you go. Sweep after meals, wipe the bathroom sink out with your washcloth after you wash your face, throw your dirty clothes in the hamper instead of on the floor, 

3) Mary Poppins. Study and become that woman! (real deal: make things easier on yourself. Get a steam mop, a washer and dryer, a mother's helper if you can afford one, paper towels (sometimes sanity outweighs the need to be Green, it's true), stop folding your underwear, and start using pretty bins for whatever toys and books you have left.)

4) Giveaway the dishwasher. Whatever enables you has to go. (real deal: whatever enables you has to go. Yup. That dishwasher that allows you to let dishes sit, both dirty, and clean? How much time do you spend rinsing, putting in, taking out, etc.? If you only have a sink and limited counter space, you'll get the dishes washed after almost every meal. This also means you won't need as many dishes. Which starts the cycle again of you making sure you get them clean. See how motivating this is? It applies to laundry, too--only have as many clothes as you need, and you'll be getting the laundry done a lot faster.)

5) Invite people over. Weekly in-law desert nights are on the agenda. (real deal: this works, and you know it!)

We Have the Flu--HELP!

We have the flu. Both babies and the mama...which blows my mind. My 100% breastfed baby is SICK and he's only 6-weeks-old?! How is this possible? LoveBug never got sick until she was exactly one-year-old. I guess it's really more of an intense upper respiratory infection plus a cough and low grade fever, but it makes you feel all achey and like a train hit you on top of the breathing problems.

Here's what I've got going so far:
*humidifier with white vinegar added
*big garlic oil supplements for mom
*organic immune boosting vitamin gummy bears for LoveBug
*Cold-Eeze every two hours for mom
*Lots of fluids and rest for everyone (try nursing with a stuffy nose--not easy)
*Vicks for everyone
*Tylenol as needed

I need some help here! What else can I do for my babies that is along the "natural" line of thinking? Please share your ideas and recipes. I'll be checking this post until we're better and will try everything I'm able to.
 Seriously, I already missed 11 hours of work because of this and am scheduled to work 8.5 hours tomorrow. :-\ I need all the help I can get with overcoming this super bug!

Hugs,
Rachel

Webcasting my birthing relay race

I know how much ya'll have been missing my insightful and addictingly interesting posts, so I thought I'd try to write something real quick to let you know what's been going on. :-)

I haven't been online in about 2 weeks and am only on now thanks to my parents' connection. Unfortunately, I don't ever get as much accomplished online as I'd like to when I'm at their house because my 19-month-old feels the need to be attached to me at all times. Not that I mind--goodness, I missed 9-13 hours a day of her life 5-6 days a week until I was taken off of work a month ago! On the other hand, having a dwarf holding both of your hands makes typing difficult.

So before I give the little update, I must apologize first to my readers (you are why I have a blog) and particularly those who are waiting for me to mail them prizes or to send their names on to companies for prizes. Secondly, I must offer an embarrassed apology to the companies who are patiently (and not so patiently) waiting for me to get their reviews and giveaways up. I'd love to tell you that a pregnant lady's life is predictable, but frankly, it's not and that's why I'm at home with a computer but no Internet. If you'd like to pay for me to have the Internet, I will happily write your post. Until then, I'm afraid you must keep waiting.

The Update

I am still pregnant, though my boy thinks he's not a part of me and continually tries to become un-attached whenever I walk. Part of me thinks I won't be giving birth until July 4th (he's due 6/30) simply because I was 11 (yes, ELEVEN) days overdue with LoveBug. The other part of me thinks I could have him tonight if I'd just take part in some roudy love making, eat mexican food, and walk half a mile. Only time will tell!

The delightful part of anticipating his birth is that we expect everything to take about 2 hours from the very first contraction...and our car ride is at least 30 minutes long. :-) I bought a nasal aspirator this week to keep in the car just in case. So here's my plan once that first pain hits my abdomen:

1) time two more contractions just to make sure it's the real thing.

2) call my husband and pray he's not out making a delivery in the next state (quite possible since he works for a restaurant supply company).

3) grab cloth diapers to throw into LoveBug's overnight bag while calling my mom so she can meet me at the hospital.

4) if I can drive, I load LoveBug and myself into the car (after grabbing everything else on my list of items I need to bring with me--the list is taped to our front door for easy access). If I cannot drive, I will call my dear friend and pray she isn't in a meeting at work so that she can drive us to the hospital. If my husband is close by, I will wait for him. Should I have to drive us alone, I will have my mom start towards me so that when I'm unable to continue driving, she can intercept us and bring us the rest of the way. Someone can just get our van later.

5) sit on a contractor type garbage bag and towel during the car ride. If I have to give birth on the side of the road, I will at least make it to the county line that puts me in "my" ambulance district. Not that I'm allowing any of my medic buddies to actually see me giving birth; I'll just be hollering to them to hand me stuff if I need it, and then let them take me to the hospital I was already headed to. I'm all about catching my own child, even if it is in a corn field.

TWO hours, folks. That's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, when my child departs me, I'll be comfortable in a big tub of water in a beautiful birthing suite overlooking a lake and not in my car as I look at my daughter strapped in a car seat wondering what on earth is happening to her mother.

What do you say--should I webcast the whole event?

The Diaper Free Baby book Review & Giveaway!

A big thanks to A Mother's Boutique for being a big sponsor of the Baby Mama Shower!

The Diaper Free Baby book Review & Giveaway

The Diaper Free Baby is a book about elimination communication (EC) by mother and Dr. Christine Gross-loh . I didn’t know much about EC before reading this, except that it sounded too good to be true (and a bit crazy) to think that an infant could use a potty instead of diapers. Well, I started reading and ended up not being able to put the book down. I highlighted it, thought about the principles explained, and then tried it with my then 17-month-old daughter. I am now a convert to EC and think that every single mama should receive this book at her baby shower!


Here are the basics in a nutshell: throughout history and even currently today, many countries only have their babies in diapers for a few months if even that. The US keeps our kids in diapers the longest, and this is really a more recent phenomenon with the invention of disposable diapers. Babies don’t particularly like to sit in their waste (have you ever noticed that a young baby will pee when you take the diaper OFF?), and in fact, we condition them to go in diapers. Eventually, a baby will ignore and then not realize his elimination signals. We as parents could notice these signals from very early on, just like we notice hunger or sleep cues in our child…however, we are taught that an infant isn’t able to eliminate in anything but a diaper, so we ignore those signals. As our baby turns into a toddler and gets to the age when she doesn’t want to do as she’s told or emulate mommy anymore, then we decide to “potty train” and teach our children to stop eliminating in a diaper and to start eliminating in a potty…except they don’t know their own elimination signals anymore! All sorts of interesting things are put into play during our traditional potty training, and often, it turns into a power struggle instead of something that just happens naturally.

Elimination Communication, in contrast, is about the caretaker or parent paying attention to the baby’s elimination cues and not ignoring them. That’s it. It’s not about “potty training” an infant, really. It’s not “training the parent”, as many well meaning people tell me is what I’m doing (haha!). It’s about me paying attention to my child and responding to what she is communicating to me. I wish I could tell you everything about the book—it covers the history and cultural aspects of potty training, the reasons behind using elimination communication, personal stories, photos (which my daughter loves—in fact, I had to read after she went to bed because if she saw me pull the book out during the day, she would take it from me so she could look at the photos of babies on potties!), and detailed information on how you can practice EC with your child.

The biggest thing that struck me (other than the fact that ECing makes a lot more sense than potty training) is that I can do it as a working mom. If I had known this before, I would have read this book before. I had thought that only stay-at-home moms who can chase behind their child with a bowl all day long could do this. In The Diaper Free Baby, it’s explained that you can actually practice ECing part time and even if you’re a working mom who only has a half an hour a day to spend going diaper free. I was pretty skeptical about the whole thing even though it sounded brilliant, but decided I would try it and not feel bad if it didn’t work out (the book offers great support to parents for the times when their child will NOT use the potty, too). LoveBug had just turned 17-months and I had ordered a little potty (which turned out to be a big potty, but I hadn’t gotten to the potty suggestions in the book yet and so didn’t realize that the typical “little” potties available in our US stores are actually fit for a 3-year-old, not my 20-pounder!). I let her go without a diaper for about an hour two different evenings during the week. I paid attention to what she did before she eliminated, and said “pepepepe” when she peed. When Saturday came, I let her run around without a diaper all day. She peed on the floor three times, and each time I tried to whisk her to the potty before she was done, all the while talking to her about it and making sure I said “pepepe” and made the sign language sign for “toilet.” I was about to give up when I decided to just let her try one more time. Sure enough, the next time she had to go, she pointed to herself and I took her to the potty where she peed. The second time, the same thing. The third time, she ran over by herself and sat down! This is my girl who uses sign language but who won’t say more than “da”!

Needless to say, I am completely impressed and I think it has nothing to do with her or I being extra talented or smart. It’s simply because I learned things in the Diaper Free Baby that I didn’t otherwise know. Now at 18-months-old and me being home with her full time for the last two weeks (thanks to being taken off of work early due to pre-labor symptoms), she is using the potty multiple times a day. She still wears a diaper sometimes and goes on the floor sometimes, but it’s almost always because she’s too “busy” to go potty. If I ask her to go, she goes every time! She’s also now telling me when her diaper is wet (she wants it off now), is recognizing her own elimination signals full time, and has started using the “potty” ASL sign.

I will be using EC much, much earlier with my son, now that I understand it. I actually feel bad now leaving a child in a dirty or wet diaper—why should they have to sit in that when they could just go in a potty?! This book has shown me that EC makes sense, is better for the child (and environment), and really can be done. I also feel good about myself now, knowing that I’m allowing my child to naturally develop her ability and choice to use a potty instead of me forcing it upon her, and that I’m not having her sit in her own waste just because she doesn’t mind.

Buy It! Visit http://www.amazon.com/Diaper-Free-Baby-Natural-Training-Alternative/dp/0061229709?ie=UTF8&tag=life0fd-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969and buy two copies-one to keep and one to give to a friend.

Win It! Just tell me why you want to have a copy of this book. Be sure to leave your email address and a separate comment for each entry! Contest will end on or after June 15th at 1200 hours, EST.

*Blog about this contest or tell people about it through a parenting forum (2 entries)

*Subscribe to or follow me (each different way = 1 entry; Blogger, Google Reader, Facebook, Twitter, etc.)
*Fav me on Technorati or otherwise vote me up somewhere
*Grab my regular button (2 entries)
*Have another great idea to spread the word? Do it and tell me how you did!
*Tell me your own potty-training or elimination communication story

This review is based on a sample book provided by Dr. Christine Gross-loh No other compensation was received.

International Baby Lost Mama Day

United in grief, we find love and strength

International Babylost Mother's Day

May 2, 2010

It was Thanksgiving morning, 1994, that I woke up to the voice of my Mother in our living room. I had thought it was my aunt at first--my mother wasn't supposed to be home. She and my father had gone to the hospital the night before as she was in labor with my first and only brother, Joshua. There were six of us girls already and though my parents hadn't "tried" to get pregnant with any of us nor were they ever dissapointed at not having had a boy before, we were all very, very excited to welcome a brother in particular.

When I walked into the living room and saw my parents sitting on our couch, I noticed that my mother had been crying and that she was holding a small blue hat in her hand. Joshua was born at 24 weeks--the same time that the sister right above him had been born. She had made it, though spent the first 5 months of her life in the NICU. Joshua was born sleeping into the arms of Jesus and never made it down the hall to the NICU. I was barely ten-years-old at that time.

Our Thanksgivings have never been the same. Later that day in 1994, we went to my Great Grandmother's house for dinner. My extended family was there and with the then eight of us in my immediate family, there wasn't really enough food for everyone since we hadn't planned on being there. No one knew what to say to us, so we endured well meaning fake smiles and laughter while we ate boxed stuffing off of sytrofoam plates. I don't remember anyone saying anything to me about my brother.

My parents chose not to let us see Joshua except through photographs. They came to regret this decision later, but had thought at the time that the discoloration of his skin wouldn't be a good way for us to remember him by. Instead, they wrapped him in a blanket, put a hat on his head, and my dad went to the store to buy a toy firetruck. To this day, my heart cringes at the thought of walking through a toy store to buy a firetruck for your only son who would never play with it...The firetruck was placed into the casket beside my brother.

The funeral was held a few days later and was only attended by a small amount of people. We sat up front with my parents and stared at the 2' long white box that looked more like a foam cooler than a baby casket. At the cemetary, we sang "Praise Him, Praise Him, all ye little children, God is love, God is love..." before saying goodbye. It was cold and windy, and the chairs were forest green.

There was no offering of foot prints or photos for my parents when Joshua was birthed. The hospital didn't have tiny blankets to wrap him in, nor any counseling services for "this sort of thing" to suggest. We are left with a shoebox containing a few photos, a blue hat, and a striped receiving blanket by which to remember my brother, and the term "stillborn" to describe the event by. People still don't know what to say when they ask us "you have EIGHT daughters and NO boys?!" and we kindly respond with "we have a brother, but he was stillborn."

A decade later, there is support for what we now call "babylost" parents. Beravement jewlery, grief support groups, and even post partum products specifically for the mothers of these sleeping babies are now available. In one week, there will be an international day of recognition for these women, known as "International Babylost Mama Day." As far as I can tell, this will be the first time this day is observed (to be held the first Sunday of May each year), and has been organized by a beautiful Babylost Mama from Australia who lost her only son in 2007. It is a way to honor these forgotten mothers and babies and will be held on May 2nd, one week before the traditionally observed "Mother's Day."

Do you want to get involved? If you have been affected by the loss of a baby and would be willing to share your story to support and encourage other parents, I'd love to publish your story on Life More Simply! Please email your stories to lifemoresimply at yahoo.com with the title "Babylost Mama Day" in the subject line. Your story will be subject to editing without notice for grammar, spelling, etc.. Tasteful photos are also welcome with each submission (if possible, please post them to an online photo hosting service such as PhotoBucket.com so that I don't have to download anything--just send me the links!). The deadline for me to receive these will be May 1st and I will begin publishing on or after May 2nd, continuing throughout the week depending on how many submissions I receive.

Other ways to get involved:
Contact me about products you know of that are specifically made for or can help babylost parents and siblings.

Join the International Babylost Mama Facebook page.

Check out the International Babylost Mama website at http://internationalbabylostmothersday.blogspot.com/.

Tips for Freezing Meals

Being a working mom doesn't leave me with much time to spend in my kitchen. On top of that, being pregnant doesn't leave me much energy for being in the kitchen! When I got online today and saw my "pregnancy ticker" was down to 111 days before Baby Monkey is due, though, the thought entered my head again about how very important it is that I get into my kitchen--and SOON!

When LoveBug was born, a friend from church organized hot meals to be brought to us for the first 5 days after we were home. It was awesome and a tremendous help for a new mama who wasn't up to juggling a newborn and a newly post-partum body while cooking! After that, I had a few meals in the freezer that I had previously put together and also some that my Mom had made for us. This experience with ready-to-go homemade meals has been heavy on my mind since getting pregnant again and realizing that not only will I have all of the normal "new mom and baby" things to deal with in July, but an active 20-month-old on top of it! Like it or not, I need to get my freezer stocked with meals within the next 16 weeks.

Freezing meals is an easy thing to do if you're already cooking and can save any mom a lot of time. Once you're actually in the kitchen, it's easy!

• Double or triple whatever you're making for dinner, and freeze the extra
• Freeze food in tin pans, covered in plastic wrap and foil
• Don't want to use tin pans? Line your casserole dishes with foil before putting the food into it. Once the food is frozen, lift it all out by way of the foil and place it in a gallon freezer bag instead. When you're ready to use, just put the foiled food back into the casserole dish and bake!
• Label everything with the name of the food, date it was made, and any special instructions
• Stack by food type in the freezer (main dishes, side dishes, breads...or "chicken," "vegetarian," and "beef"!)
• If you freeze in a glass dish, be sure to not place the cold glass in a hot oven when baking. You might end up with a broken dish!
• Consider freezing meals in individual portion sizes so that you aren't stuck with a lot of leftovers when you use it.

Two other things that I do is always use ground turkey instead of ground beef and leave the frozen food as uncooked as possible so it is as fresh as possible when we thaw it.

Some of my favorite meals to double and freeze:

• Macaroni and cheese
• Baked Ziti
• Meatloaf (mixed and frozen; cook through before serving)
• 3 Bean Casserole
• Chicken (stuffed with a cheese mixture, left in a marinade, etc.)
• Quick breads (banana, apple, pumpkin, etc.)
• Chili

To use, I just put it in my fridge to thaw for a day and then pop it in the oven to warm up or cook! Frozen veggies are a staple in our house and are cooked by steaming over a saucepan for a few minutes before seasoning and serving.

What are your tips and recipes for freezing meals? Leave them below and help me get some food in my freezer before this baby comes!

Mom to Mom--iron rich foods for kids?

So yesterday at our WIC appointment, they did a finger stick anemia test for LoveBug. And she is low! Her iron level was 10.3 and I think they told me the normal level is 11.5. Not good. I was shocked to find out--after all, I'm a good mother and I still breastfeed her when I'm with her. That should take care of any iron deficiency, right? Wrong! I was wracking my brain trying to come up with ideas on what to feed her when my husband told me over the phone (after the appointment) that some friends of ours had given us some beef from their naturally raised cows. I refuse to let LoveBug eat red meat from "normal" sources (nor do I eat it), and we don't exactly have money for groceries right now, anyway, so to find out someone had given us some healthy red meat...WOW! I'm every so greatful and it couldn't have come at a better time.


My question to you is: what 14-month-old-child-friendly foods do you feed your children that have a high iron content, and how do you prepare it?