4 Things To Know About Child Sexual Offenders + Resources for Parents of Juvenile Sexual Offenders

I wasn't going to write on this topic again, but alas, it appears that a post that covers juvenile sexual offenders would be helpful to the general public. I'm glad people are eager for this information, because there is a lot of misinformation going around right now. I hope that the information and resources here will put minds at rest and abate some fears, as well as bring hope for a future without abuse.

1. Being a sexual offender is not the same as being sexually curious or sexually acting out. Curiosity is normal, sexually acting out is a result of something else (it can even be a result of violence, other abuse or neglect, etc.), and sexually offending means you are repeatedly doing this, knowing that it's wrong (these aren't the scientific definitions--look them up to learn the differences).
2. Children who offend are different than adults who offend. The police, courts, and programs understand this. You don't need to worry that by seeking out legal or professional help, that your child is going to be sent to prison. That's not how it works. (See "Understanding Juvenile Sexual Offending...")
3. There are treatment programs available for child offenders to help them act safely in the community and at home. These aren't "jails". They are programs, and precautions are taken to make sure your child isn't going to "learn" from another offender. Again, this isn't prison. In fact, the research shows that a community/home based approach is effective (http://www.publicintegrity.org/2013/04/24/12559/new-therapy-proves-effective-juvenile-sex-offenders) 
4. Many child sexual offenders will not continue to offend. Hallelujah! Again, they aren't little adults. (See "Understanding Juvenile Sexual Offending...")

If your child, or a child you know, is acting in a sexually abusive way towards others, you need to take action and get help for that child (and also the victims). Here are some resources to get you started:

1. Understanding Juvenile Sexual Offending Behavior: Emerging Research, Treatment Approaches and Management Practices This article explains the characteristics, typology, treatment research, justice trends, intervention research and models, abuser assessment, treatment, and recommendations for practice (READ THE RECOMMENDATIONS).
2. Sex Offender Treatment Services PASS Program: http://www.nyap.org/sex-offender-treatment-service/4576110432. This is for youth, and is done while they are at home or in therapeutic foster care. It works with the youth, the families, and others involved. It's a treatment team approach, which all treatment is in these situations.
3. The Marsh Foundation has an example of a inpatient treatment program for male child/teenage offenders. Even though the child stays on site for generally 6-12 months to complete the program, the family must take part in the program and completion is influenced by the home and family environment.
4. Your local social service/law enforcement agency are who will have the resources you need. They are not going to look at your child with disgust, but instead will be compassionate and will understand your outcry for help. Your child has to be brave enough to receive treatment, and you have to be brave enough to get it for them. Check for local support groups for parents of juvenile sexual offenders, and check out this Handbook for Parents and Caregivers of juvenile sexual offenders. 

Above all else, remember that there is always, always hope. The best days are yet to come.

Dear Mom Like Me

Dear mom who is run down, looks like a hot mess, feels like she can't remember who she is, is sure she is failing, feels guilty because she is secretly angry inside, is convinced her life is a hamster wheel, but somehow loves being with these amazing little people even more than she is frustrated by all of the "other" things that come along with them:

You know that you're enough, so I'm not going to tell you that. You know that this too shall pass, and you probably feel like you have no right to even tell anyone how you're feeling because you don't want someone to be confused and think that you aren't grateful for your children or that by feeling this way that you somehow take your children or your moments with them for granted.

I know you don't take the kids for granted. I know you don't take the moments for granted. I know you are grateful. But I also know that you miss yourself. I know that you struggle with being depressed and happy at the same time and man, it's so confusing. I know that you want to scream at doing 400 dishes a day, that Mt. Laundry might as well be called Mt. Never Ending Treadmill and that you just wish you could be a "normal" person (i.e. showering more than once a week) again.

Dear mama, this is what you need to know. This is what I need to know. And this is what we need to remember, and remind each other of daily:

• Your children think you're beautiful.
• No one else knows how messy your house is.
• Your kids don't care how messy your house is. (oh, the irony)
• If you're like me, you just can't accept the fact that your house is going to be messy while you have young children. Instead, work on accepting the fact that you're just going to feel crappy about how the house is while you have you have young children.
• You still have the same smile that your husband fell in love with.
• You can own your new "mom" identity. 
• You don't have to let go of who you used to be. Just because you haven't ran a marathon in 2 years, played piano in 6 months, aced a college exam in 10 years, or learned a new skill that didn't involve your offspring in...a long time..., doesn't mean that those things aren't still a part of who you are. There are seasons, and just because the corn isn't being harvested now, doesn't mean it isn't growing or that it won't be planted again. And if you decide to grow squash next time instead of corn, it's ok. Your entire life makes up you, not just the present.
• It's ok to rest. 
• It's ok to have a bad day.
• It's ok to love and hate what you're doing, where you're at, and to be frustrated by the fact that you can't change it.
• And it's ok to admit that none of these things mean that you don't love your kids more than all the other moms in the world. In fact, they have no effect on the fact that you are a rockstar mom or that your kids are going to grow up, call you blessed, and talk about the awesome memories they have of childhood--because they are going to have them. 

Maybe motherhood of young children is like childbirth; it's excruciatingly difficult at moments, but after it's done, you somehow become oblivious to the difficulties you went through and just remember the amazingness of it instead. Because let's face it, it is amazing hearing a person read for the first time. To see them discover their toes. To hear them say "I love you". The fact that we know what our baby needs by the way she cries. To be the one he needs in the middle of the night. That they want to tell us EVERYTHING. That is amazing.

And you, mama, are amazing, too. Keep your eyes above the waves. You're gonna make it, and you're gonna do great.

<3 div="">

DIY: "The Very Hungry Caterpillar Day" activities & inspiration

I realize I'm getting this out just in the nick of time, so if you can't get everything ready for tomorrow, the first day of Spring, when The Very Hungry Caterpillar Day official occurs, plan to celebrate this weekend! You might be surprised though, how many things you already have around your house that you can throw together for a momentous day tomorrow.

Food

Create your own line of snacks that are as close to the food in the book as possible. Use a straw to poke holes in the food. Don't forget your lettuce leaf at the end! Source: The Masked Mommy

You can also recreate pictures from the book using healthy food! Source: It's Our Long Story

Sensory Tub

Throw in anything related to the book that you can find, and maybe a few other things to fill in that theme along colors or textures, too! The items included in the one shown below are dyed green rice, colored large bottle tops, colored craft sticks, cardboard tubes with shiny tape wrapped around for pouring, neon plastic shot glasses for scooping, coloured cotton reels, coloured pom poms, wooden fruit, cakes, ice creams and other food items from the story, a few real clementines for a real sensory experience, a Very Hungry Caterpillar butterfly toy (a caterpillar would be a fabulous addition too!), and a copy of the book. Source: The Inspiration Tree

DIY Felt Book

I found this unbelievably adorable and FREE felt book instructions so your little one can have a quiet book experience of The Very Hungry Caterpillar! Included are printable templates for you to follow when cutting your felt. Source: Lavender's Blue Designs



Activities

Target: small motor, colors, sequencing, math.
Instructions: Cut out 1 apple, 2 pears, 3 plums, 4 strawberries and 5 oranges out of felt. I hand drew my own stencils out of cardstock, but you can also use stencils or find free clip art online to help you with the shapes. Punch a hole through the center of each felt fruit. As you read The Very Hungry Caterpillar, have your child lace the felt fruit onto the green “caterpillar” pipe cleaner in order of them appearing in the book. Review the colors of the fruit with your child. Source: See Vanessa Craft

Target: Listening/word assimilation, motor skills, object recognition.
Instructions: Print and cut out the printables in the link (click on photo). Glue to sticks of some sort, and allow your child to choose the correct object to hold up when you get to that point in the story. You can create a story board with this by having foam blocks or an upside down egg carton for your child to stick the sticks into when you get to that point in the story, creating a visual timeline of the story when done.
Printables are from: Make It Cozee

Target: motor skills, colors, math, science
Instructions: Create a butterfly life cycle. First, look at photos/pictures of a butterfly life cycle (easy to find online), and then make your own by drawing, gluing pictures to a plate and adding arrows, or making a 3-D one like the photo below. Directions for making the one below can be found at: Classified: Mom

Games

For a huge, and I mean HUGE supply of printables, games (dominos, bingo, snakes & ladders, etc. all with "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" theme), activities, booklets, and MORE, visit English Teaching Worksheets!

Discipline: Making it Effective by Making It Personal

"You are not managing an inconvenience. You are raising a human being." -Kittie Franz

Anyone who has more than one child has probably noticed that while one child will cry if you look at him wrong, the other child will defy every Nanny 911 philosophy and will still be screaming and kicking 2 hours after you began the discipline routine (forget that "they give up after 40 minutes" nonsense!). What then, is the key to discipline that works? It's simple: the child.

It would be nice if every home could have a chart that had a specific consequence for every possible offense. However, even if you could come up with a chart like that, I'm afraid the impact one consequence has on one child is very different from another child. Look at it this way: if your teenager said a vile word, you might take away her cell phone for a day, thus putting her into the depths of despair and ensuring she will not say this word [in front of you] ever again. If your toddler said a naughty word, taking a phone away probably wouldn't mean a thing and thus you will probably hear the word "SHUT UP!" again (when my 3-year-old wishes to be as downright naughty as she can possibly be, that is what comes out her mouth at high rates and volumes). See where I'm going with this?

Here are some guidelines to choosing an appropriate and effective discipline strategy for your child.

1) Discipline is behavior modification and should be thought of as such. Thinking of a consequence as a "punishment" places the focus on your child obeying you because of your power rather than your child developing into a morally, ethically, and wise individual who makes good decisions. And yes, your child will learn to obey/respect authority--but it will be because he understands that he should instead of because of fear. Keep the purpose of discipline in mind and you will go far.

2) The discipline should be appropriate to the offense. My daughter refused to pick up her toys in the time I allotted her to do so the other day. As a result, I put all of the remaining toys on the floor into a box which she then had to earn back (which her 3-year-old spirit refused to give in to and do until TWO days later). Notice that the discipline matched the offense (the offense, in reality, was disobeying mama. The action that showed the offense though, was not picking up the toys. So the discipline was relative and concerning the toys--it is a much more concrete A to B relationship for my child to learn if I keep the discipline flowing from the same object that was the problem in her mind!). I kept the consequence consistent with the problem, and I also kept it in proportion. I didn't take all of her toys away, just the ones that she didn't pick up in time.

3) The discipline should be meaningful to the child. Study your child to see what impacts that child the most, and use that to your advantage when choosing discipline strategies. For example, if your child who loves to write was mean to someone, it may work well to have him write five letters of positive affirmation to specific people, or to write a list of 20 things that are positive about the person he was mean to. Also, a social child will feel very negatively toward being separated from the rest of the family, while a more introverted child will find having 10 minutes away from everyone a welcome experience. You don't always have to chose the most drastic measure to create the most memorable impact on the child.
4) The discipline should be immediate. Research shows that to change the behavior of someone, immediate consequences are most effective. Often times, delaying a consequence is done to create a level of fear. If we are attempting to shape our child's character out of love rather than fear, though, manipulating the environment like that should be avoided. :) Yes, this will be inconvenient to you, and you may not always be able to make it happen. But if you threaten your toddler with you pulling over the car if he pokes his sister again, then you had better be ready to pull that car over, or your child will quickly learn that mom doesn't mean what she says and that he can get away with poor behavior. And that "wait until your father gets home" philosophy? I mean, really? Don't you want your child to respect both parents equally and know that the parents are on the same team? Discipline your child, mama, it is your responsibility to raise him right!

5) The discipline should be consistent. Keep the standards for your child as consistent as possible between homes and environments. If your child gets into trouble for hitting at home, he should also get into trouble for hitting while he is at the grocery store. Having the same discipline consequence for an offense doesn't matter as much as simply having a discipline consequence for the offense. For instance, if the child is at dad's house and is disrespectful, he may have to go to his room for 10 minutes. At mom's, he may end up in the corner for the same offense. The point is that your child will do better if he has the same set of standards, not necessarily consequences, for his behavior regardless of location.

The ultimate idea here is to learn about your child. It is important to shape a character without crushing it, and this can only be done by making each consequence appropriate and personal for the individual character it is supposed to shape.

Goodnight Moon Lullabye Song (listen for FREE!)

Renowned Grammy-award winning composer and conductor, Eric Whitacre, has created a beautiful rendition of the childhood storybook classic “Goodnight Moon” into a Phantom Of The Opera style lullaby. The music breathes of elegance and sophistication while enchanting the listener with an uncluttered melody line and a robust string accompaniment. This song is so much better than the common children's music on the market today. As a private music instructor and having been trained in the Music Together early childhood music curriculum and theories, I tell you from the voice of research that it is very important for your child's musical development to listen to music in a variety of styles, keys, modes, time signatures, etc.. This song meets a lot of criteria for stimulating positive brain activity and musical development and I would definitely turn up the computer and let this song play in the background of your day. :)

Take a listen at http://heargoodnightmoon.com to stream it for free!

(I received no compensation or even acknowledgement for this review and the opinion is certainly all mine)

40 Questions To Ask Your Child On Date Night

I think it was daughter number five (I'm the second oldest of eight girls) who coined the term "Donut Date" to refer to when our Daddy would take one of us individually out on a "date" with him when I was young. It generally meant we were getting a donut or going to the grocery store for some root beer or another treat, which was a pretty big deal at the time. In fact, I still bug my Dad to take me on a date, except I hope it's to places like Disney World or a major music concert these days. ;-) Now, the tradition has moved on and I date my own three-year-old daughter. She gets terribly excited when I ask her if she wants to have a "mommy-daughter date". There are no arguments and she is on her best behavior while we go to the local coffee shop for a slice of carrot cake and juice! My favorite part, though? The conversation. My phone gets put away, no books are brought along, and we don't sit at a table with anyone else (though she has a way about her that attracts the elderly men to come over for a chat about her baby doll!). Instead, we chat. I ask questions, and we dream together over hot cocoa and cookies.

Dating your children is an easy and precious way to create beautiful moments for the two of you. Here are 40 Date Night questions to get you started:

1. What is the best dream you ever had, and why?


2. What is the worst dream you ever had, and why?


3. How do you like to be woken up in the morning?


4. What are the top five things you are good at doing?


5. What are the three occupations you would love to have when you grow up?


6. If you were to plan your own funeral, what would you want it to be like?


7. What are five activities you want to do within the next year?


8. Who is your best friend, and why?


9. What person can you not stand, and why?


10. What embarrasses you that I do?


11. What are you proud of that I do?


12. What makes you laugh?


13. What makes you cry?


14. What are the top three things I do that make you feel (not "know") loved?


15. What is the most important thing you have learned in life?


16. If you were to plan a sleepover, what would it include?


17. If you were to be one animal, what would you be and why?


18. What are your three favorite songs and why?


19. What one song can't you stand, and why?


20. What is your favorite movie, and why?


21. What are the top three reasons why you know you will be a good spouse/parent when you are grown?


22. What is your favorite physical feature about yourself and why?


23. What three things do you not like about yourself, and why?


24. When people compliment you, what is the top thing they say about you?


25. What are the top three compliments from others that you would like them to say about you?


26. What is your favorite Bible story and why?


27. What is your favorite Bible verse and why?


28. Who are your top two favorite historical characters and why?


29. In your life, what has been your proudest moment?


30. In your life, what has been your most embarrassing moment?


31. If you were to create your own job to earn money, what would you do and how would you do it?


32. If you were to create your own cake and own ice-cream sundae, what ingredients would you include?


33. What makes you feel safe?


34. What makes you feel scared?


35. What are two things that your friends or other people you know do that you don't like?


36. What are two things that your friends or other people you know do that you would also like to do?


37. Would you rather be a boy or a girl, and why?


38. If you could go anywhere in the world and do anything you wanted, where would you go and what would you do?


39. What school subject are you smartest in, and how do you know?


40. What school subject do you struggle the most in, and how do you know?

Love Happens Here

I am the full time mama of a 3-year-old and 18-month-old. My children are 20 months apart. While I do work full time, I consider myself a stay-at-home mama just as much as I consider myself a working-outside-the-home mama. In fact, I find that the 40 hours a week that I spend at my "job" is easier and less stressful than the other 128 hours a week I spend with my kiddos. Sometimes, I think I'm going crazy, and I crave to go to work...the funny thing is, as soon as I'm at work, I miss my babies something fierce! It's a funny world, the blend between working motherhood and home motherhood.

Before anything else, I am a mother. Lately, I have been working 40-hours-straight every weekend so that I can be the one with my children during the week. I go in at 7pm Friday night, and stay until Sunday at 11am. Marvelous, it is, but it's also a schedule cut out for someone who belongs in a loony bin. Imagine the possibility of being awake for many hours straight and responsible for people's lives no matter how tired you are? Yes, I am a paramedic. And yes, your life will always come before my need for sleep and no matter how tired I am, you are going to get my absolute best care. Imagine packing three people up for three days, and getting your house in order before that so when you come back, you have something clean to wear.

Because I choose my children to come first (ok, after God!), I do things a little differently. I work ridiculous shifts so that I can be the one with them 5 days a week. The house is sometimes a mess because I don't park them in front of the TV so I can clean all of the time. I have no idea what current TV shows are playing. I haven't read anyone's blog in forever (I miss that!). Lately, I haven't even been able to work out (UGH). My sewing projects are still waiting, my bedroom still isn't arranged the way I want it to be, and sometimes, I get lonely being with no other adults sometimes for days on end. However...

There are a lot of things that we do. We do family. Lego creations get built. Magnificent make believe stories get told. Dancing in the living room happens. We do loud. Songs are sung. Pictures are painted. Baby dolls are rocked. Giggle erupt constantly. Tickle fights are a routine. Jumping on the bed (shhhhh!) sneaks in.We do discipline. Spankings, time out's, and "the look" may be given throughout the day---but they are overshadowed by hugs, attention, and the exchange of a thousand magical kisses. We do learning. Snowflakes are tasted. Letters are traced. Colors are mixed. Chores are done (even if they aren't real effective yet!). We do love.

Love happens here, and that is why those other things we don't do aren't really missed.

Barefoot Books 30% off + Free Shipping (Collaberative Order)

I'm putting together a collaborative Barefoot Books order so that everyone interested can get a big discount and FREE shipping! I just recently learned of their beautiful books and educational materials and am so very excited. These look like fabulous products for both the home and school---and I'm thinking will make perfect gifts for Christmas, upcoming birthdays, and baby showers in the next year!

Here are the details:

1) Check out the store by clicking the banner above. DO NOT ORDER THROUGH THE STORE. If you order through the store, you won't get the discount.

2) Make a list of everything you want with the item names, prices, and quantity.

3) Fill out this form here to get more information and order: CLICK HERE

Our order must be placed on December 1st, so please pass the word about this so that we can get enough orders to get the discount and free shipping in time for Christmas!