Obviously my intent was not to offend anyone (hello, do I look like I want to be a WOHM? Why would I be against the very thing I want to be?), but nonetheless it happened (okay, and why are SAHM's even reading and then commenting mean things about me on a WOHM forum?). Maybe I should be a syndicated writer since I seem to be able to capture an audience and evoke strong participation. ;-)
In response to my post, someone had the brilliance to start a new thread entitled "10 Things a WOHM Would Love To Hear." It is this thread that has inspired me to think this idea. What would I like to hear? The obvious things that come to mind would be great--a WAHM job, a full body massage, an offer to clean my house and make dinners every night...But then I realized the thing that would encourage me the most: a "good job!" letter from God. This is what I'd like it to say:
You are doing EXACTLY what I want you to be doing right now and I am proud of you. I want you to know that you are a great mom. It's okay if your house is never clean, you never get time to scrapbook, and you cry every day because you aren't with your baby. Being an accomplished homemaker, doting wife, and making special things for you and your family isn't what gives you value or makes you better than anyone else. You have value because I have chosen you; and you may only be better because of the person you are, not because of the things you do.
It's okay if other people misinterpret what you say, your reasons for working, and judge you. I know the struggles you have endured and continue to face with the decisions surrounding work and being away from your daughter. You haven't had to make an easy choice, and I know the choice you did make hurts you every single day. Rest in knowing that I am with you, and I understand. Remember that you are doing what I want you to do.
You see, I knew you'd have to work, and I still wanted your baby girl to be with you--not another family! It wasn't by accident that I put her with you. I knew that she wouldn't spend every day with you, that you wouldn't be able to teach her everything you wanted to, and that you would sometimes have to wake her up before she wanted to so that she could go to Grandma's house for the day. She is fine with these things, and it's okay. She knows who her mommy is, and she's glad you have given her the chance to spend so much time with the other people that she loves, too. Knowing everything you'd have to face and deal with, I still wanted her with you. You are the best mom there is for her.
Your daughter will grow up to be a strong, beautiful, godly woman and you will have had a great part in shaping her to be that way! Don't worry--you are giving her every opportunity to grow and learn that she needs. Her needs are being met, even if your heart is breaking. She is happy, healthy, and in love with her mama. That's what's important, right?
Don't be discouraged. I love you even more than you love your daughter. Keep up the great work!
Love,
God
Posts
I read through the list...people are stupid. I don't think you were bashing anyone but the self-righteous SAHM's who believe that their way is the only way. We've gotten a lot of that from some people once they discover that we will not cloth-diaper, I will return to work, we have no plans to homeschool, etc. A lot of people believe that what is right for their family is right for EVERY family...all I tell them is that I am not responsible for the way they are raising their children(unless, of course, they are doing such an awful job that someone needs to step in). I am only responsible for raising my child, and this is what my husband and I believe is best for our family. And then we walk away.
ReplyDeleteSome people just really cannot understand that two families can be the complete opposite and yet both are doing the right thing for their own individuals and situation.
Oh! And you should hear the things people say to infertile women or women struggling with a difficult pregnancy! Did you know that if we were only in the will of God, this would all have been smooth sailing? So clearly we just need to repent of some sin in our lives?
ReplyDeleteIgnore it. It's not worth listening to and getting upset over the idiocy.
If only repentence made life easy!
ReplyDeleteOh Rachel. First of all, I will tell you that anyone who is reading the list as just that- a list, another woman's thoughts, etc, can see that you're speaking from experience, turning your hurt into something comical in most instances. If some one is reading it on the defensive, they can choose to be offended very quickly.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, thus is the nature of DS. I left the site for the most part, and have only returned on occasion for various aspects of my business. The women are ridiculous, have a mob mentality, and just feed off of each other. Mommy wars are rampant there, and it's sickening. *hugs* I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of it.
I love your, "Good Job," letter.
I've never commented here and have only been reading a short time after stumbling on it from the nominations for Working Mom blogs on thebump. I just wanted to say that I think your list was perfect and made me feel so much better! It was so good to know that I'm not the only one who has received those comments. I live in a small town with mainly SAHMs. Honestly, other than my coworker and the moms at my son's daycare, I know no other working moms. And it's a very lonely feeling to feel like you're the only working mom around you. Since I'm surrounded by all these SAHM moms, I have heard ALL of these statements. I especially love the horrified look that comes into their eyes when I say that my kids are in daycare. Never mind the fact that we couldn't survive without both paychecks and the fact that my kids actually THRIVE in their daycare. So please don't get discouraged by those other women. They don't realize that we have to do the same job that they do...plus juggle a 40+ hour work week on top of it.
ReplyDeleteThat was so well written and what every mama desires and deserves to hear. Keep up the awesome work you are doing!! Besides being an excellent mother, you are providing many WOHM's and apparently SAHM's with great information.
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