What Faith Is

Faith is finding your child after she runs and hides, carrying her to the car as she kicks and screams. Buckling her in as she starts to sob in a panic, begging to not go. Arriving and having to figure out how to unlock her door that she's keeping locked, then literally carrying her as she fights you. Down a block. Through some doors. Into a new building. Up a long flight of stairs. Into an office so she can visit with a person she doesn't want to see.

It's not faith to walk (or force) your child through something difficult because you know the outcome is beneficial for them. Getting a cavity filled. Receiving a medication. Getting them to school. Those things are just being a good parent. Being a good parent doesn't always feel good, but you know the outcome and it's worth the discomfort to get to that outcome.

Faith is when you can't see the outcome and when it feels like you're betraying your child. When you have to walk them (or physically force them) to do what's been ordered. When you feel guilty because you don't stop what is happening, and you don't know what's going to happen. Faith is trusting that by going against your instinct and by doing what you have been ordered to do, that that is the right thing.

Faith is making a pact with your own soul that no matter the outcome, you will praise God. That even if He won't move the mountains, that even if He won't part the sea, that you will still call His name blessed. It is allowing your child to see that you will follow the authority placed above you with a good attitude, and that you will do everything you can to help them, but that all of your help will be within the boundaries of the rules you are given.

Faith is trusting that all of this is enough. That even though you have no idea of anything, no vision of what the future may be or where the goal line is, or even if there is a goal, that somewhere out there, lies God's heart to give your child hope and a future. That promises will be fulfilled. That visions will come to fruition. That your prayers are not being stored up for a future time, but that they are being and already have been fulfilled.

Faith isn't about seeing. It's not even about believing. It's about knowing that you can trust the Father through the times when you don't know why or if or how or when. Faith is the conviction of things not seen.

(image from http://saltformation.spreadshirt.com/faith-the-conviction-of-things-not-seen-A14157849)

Surviving Adult Chickenpox

I am thirty, and I have the chickenpox. Not shingles. Not a few red spots. Full blown-itching-my-brain-out-chickenpox. Google "adult chickenpox" and you won't find much about how to survive this. Maybe because you're supposed to have gotten this over and done with in childhood, or maybe because it's not survivable. I'll let you know which it is in about two weeks.

I was diagnosed yesterday, though I think my first "spot" showed up three days ago concealed by me thinking it was a bug bite. Like I thought the cluster of five that showed up on my arm were. Like I thought the next cluster on my foot were. It wasn't until I'd exhausted Dr. Google before dawn because I couldn't sleep due to the itching that I starting thinking it wasn't a normal bug. Silly me, I even thought it was quite possibly bed bugs and even woke up my sleeping husband to tell him so, until I went to the bathroom and saw The Rash on my legs. Like, all over my thighs legs. I watched the rash morph over the next few hours, telling myself that I would NOT be that person who went to the ER in the middle of a night for a non-life-threatening rash. Proudly, I made it until the closest doctor's office could fit me in yesterday.


Here's what happens when you're a chickenpox infected adult: other adults get scared. This is confusing to them. New territory. You are not only probably wrong about what you have, but you're also strange, and probably have something that's going to kill them, or at a minimum, should be on display (while quarantined) because now something that's only in textbooks has become a real life medical model. I witnessed this as I politely (and quietly) told the office receptionist that I think I may have the chickenpox, and could they put me in a separate waiting room or at least give me a mask so I don't infect anyone else if I'm contagious? I got The Look. The wide eyed, I have no idea what to say, I'm not sure I should hand you a pen or take your registration paperwork back before I spray it with bleach solution, look. Thankfully, the physician assistant knew what to do and told the panicking receptionist to "put her in room 5" (along with my paperwork).


When the female physician assistant was able to get in to see me, she offered a gown. When you're a chickenpox adult victim, you don't wear a gown. You just strip your clothes off as fast as you can so that the diagnosis can happen because you think that they must have a magic can of itch-stopping spray handy for cases like this, and you want that magic spray can. A whopping 30-seconds was needed for diagnosis, thanks to the various spots that now covered all of my limbs and back. She writes me a script for an antiviral that might offer relief though I'm bordering on the 24-hour start threshold (or possibly a day over it), I throw my shirt and pants back on, and then the door opens again because another young staff member has never seen chickenpox in real life. No problem, glad to be of assistance.

Society apologizes profusely for your plight, from the pharmacist to the cashier. Everyone except for your kids, who still demand you function at just the same level as before you were a walking red, itching mass. You didn't think to ask all of those apologetic people if they'd put their empathy to work by watching your kids for you, so you become a zombie chickenpox adult as you use Benadryl as your coping method. When I say "coping method", I'm really just referring to the trade you're making between itchiness and alertness. Since you can't nap or lay in bed all day, but you REALLY need that diphenhydramine, you are now a bumbling, fumbling, slow, foot dragging, red, itching mass...who, if she was with it enough, would be praying that her children don't see this as an opportunity to take advantage of.

Since Dr. Google isn't helpful enough to give you a list of what you need to know to survive the chickenpox as a mother, here is a summary of what I've learned:

a. It isn't fun. In fact, it's worse than the opposite of "fun", whatever that may be. It can be described as "the type of itchy that consumes all of your willpower and thoughts." You will be so itchy, in fact, that you will be nauseous. 

b. At least it isn't Scabies. Google that. You're welcome.

c. That oatmeal bath thing? Fiction.

d. Popsicles: skip it. Your throat hurting is easier to deal with than cleaning up the stickiness that is bound to occur when your children eat popsicles because they see you eating one. And you don't have the energy for sticky floors right now.  

e. Benadryl. Consider making it a family event.

f. People are going to tell you weird things. Weird remedies, weird memories, weird everything. Just move on. 

g. There is an antiviral specific to chickenpox/shingles/herpes. Who knows how well it really works, though. I don't know yet, but I'm taking four pills a day, anyway, just in case.

Dear Mom Like Me

Dear mom who is run down, looks like a hot mess, feels like she can't remember who she is, is sure she is failing, feels guilty because she is secretly angry inside, is convinced her life is a hamster wheel, but somehow loves being with these amazing little people even more than she is frustrated by all of the "other" things that come along with them:

You know that you're enough, so I'm not going to tell you that. You know that this too shall pass, and you probably feel like you have no right to even tell anyone how you're feeling because you don't want someone to be confused and think that you aren't grateful for your children or that by feeling this way that you somehow take your children or your moments with them for granted.

I know you don't take the kids for granted. I know you don't take the moments for granted. I know you are grateful. But I also know that you miss yourself. I know that you struggle with being depressed and happy at the same time and man, it's so confusing. I know that you want to scream at doing 400 dishes a day, that Mt. Laundry might as well be called Mt. Never Ending Treadmill and that you just wish you could be a "normal" person (i.e. showering more than once a week) again.

Dear mama, this is what you need to know. This is what I need to know. And this is what we need to remember, and remind each other of daily:

• Your children think you're beautiful.
• No one else knows how messy your house is.
• Your kids don't care how messy your house is. (oh, the irony)
• If you're like me, you just can't accept the fact that your house is going to be messy while you have young children. Instead, work on accepting the fact that you're just going to feel crappy about how the house is while you have you have young children.
• You still have the same smile that your husband fell in love with.
• You can own your new "mom" identity. 
• You don't have to let go of who you used to be. Just because you haven't ran a marathon in 2 years, played piano in 6 months, aced a college exam in 10 years, or learned a new skill that didn't involve your offspring in...a long time..., doesn't mean that those things aren't still a part of who you are. There are seasons, and just because the corn isn't being harvested now, doesn't mean it isn't growing or that it won't be planted again. And if you decide to grow squash next time instead of corn, it's ok. Your entire life makes up you, not just the present.
• It's ok to rest. 
• It's ok to have a bad day.
• It's ok to love and hate what you're doing, where you're at, and to be frustrated by the fact that you can't change it.
• And it's ok to admit that none of these things mean that you don't love your kids more than all the other moms in the world. In fact, they have no effect on the fact that you are a rockstar mom or that your kids are going to grow up, call you blessed, and talk about the awesome memories they have of childhood--because they are going to have them. 

Maybe motherhood of young children is like childbirth; it's excruciatingly difficult at moments, but after it's done, you somehow become oblivious to the difficulties you went through and just remember the amazingness of it instead. Because let's face it, it is amazing hearing a person read for the first time. To see them discover their toes. To hear them say "I love you". The fact that we know what our baby needs by the way she cries. To be the one he needs in the middle of the night. That they want to tell us EVERYTHING. That is amazing.

And you, mama, are amazing, too. Keep your eyes above the waves. You're gonna make it, and you're gonna do great.

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Natural Flu Remedies for Babies & Children

One of the most common questions I'm being asked right now is how to help your baby who has the flu. I'm convinced it's just as miserable for a mom to watch their sick baby as it is for the sick baby herself! The great news is that you can fight the flu, and you can easily acquire the supplies to do so.

For all babies:

•  Get as much breastmilk into him as possible. It will have the antibodies you're building against the same virus to help your baby fight the flu, too. It can also pass on helpful virus fighting properties from the herbs and spices you ingest!
• Diffuse virus killing and respiratory support essential oils, thirty minutes at a time. Good ones may be eucalyptus radiata, oregano, tea tree oil, wild orange, ravensara, white fir, and lemon. Avoid peppermint, rosemary, and eucalyptus globulus as they can cause respiratory depression, including respiratory arrest, in young children.
• Use an infant-appropriate vapor rub on the child's feet and cover with socks. The oils in the vapor rub will be absorbed through the feet, include the reflex points that the child needs to support the organs affected by the flu. I make my own and avoid the commercial ones because I don't want the petroleum and other junk that's often in them. ALWAYS check your ingredients, as I've even seen "natural" ones including essential oils like peppermint in them. 
• Humidify the air using a cold air humidifier. In a pinch, create steam in the bathroom with your shower.
• If you're breastfeeding, start ingesting virus fighting herbs and spices such as fresh garlic, tumeric (always combine with black pepper), ginger, rosemary, oregano, basil. Also increase your vitamin and mineral uptake, making sure you are getting the optimal doses.
• Avoid Tylenol as it depresses the immune system. If you cannot avoid an NSAID, use Ibuprofin over acetaminophen, and remember to treat the child, not the thermometer number. Hyland's Colic, Teething, or Cold tablets may provide pain relief and fever support and are gentler on the body!
• Rest, hydrate, and keep warm.
• Get everyone in the house washing their hands!
• Saline nose spray or breastmilk (yes, sprayed in the nose) and then sucked out with a Nose Freida (can't believe we ever lived without one!) to reduce upper respiratory congestion.
• Infant appropriate probiotics.
• Elevate head/chest to help breathing.

Babies over 6 months who are on solid foods:

• Lots of foods can be a help in fighting illness! Consider the spices and herbs above, as well as making a bone broth, Golden Milk (a very yummy tumeric tea recipe), chicken, and tummy settling things like fennel if baby is experiencing tummy upset (will also pass through breastmilk).
• Elderberry syrup that doesn't contain honey.
• Reduce intake of mucous producing products, like milk and acidic juices.
• Avoid sugar, white flour, and processed foods that tax the body and increase inflammation.
• Fire Cider
• Rose Hip tea or other appropriate preparation (SUPER high in Vitamin C)

Babies over 12 months:

• Elderberry syrup with local, raw honey if possible.
• Honey infused with fresh garlic and onion (chop your garlic and let sit in the air for 15 minutes, then combine with chopped onion, cover with honey, and simmer on stove for 20 minutes. Bottle the entire thing and keep in the refrigerator--eat a spoonful or two every day).

Remember that just because something is natural, doesn't mean it's appropriate or safe for every person. And just because a "natural" company or a "natural" product says it's safe for children, remember that anyone can make a product and the creator, while having good intentions and a good idea, may not be trained in safe use of oils or herbs! Listen to your mommy or daddy instinct, listen to your child, and practice common sense. 

What natural flu remedies have you tried for your little ones before?

(note, will update this post with research and recipe links when I get a chance!)

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice, nor is anything here intended to treat, diagnose, cure, or otherwise do anything for you or anyone else. The information written here is just that--information. Always consult a medical professional, not a blogger, for medical advise.

How Understanding Learning Styles Can Help Your Children

We all know that individuals learn differently -- some remember best the material that they hear, while others remember what they see better. Some people need to experience something hands on in order to do it, while others need to just read the directions. These needs within us are shaped both by our experiences and our biological make up. Learning styles go beyond memory style and learning preference, though. In fact, there are a LOT of things that go into making the learning environment around your child (or yourself) as successful as possible! An article published in California Journal of Science Education, Survey of Research on Learning Styles, says that learning styles are "as individual as a signature" and that understanding them can give us the ability to set up a learning environment designed exactly as a student needs. You can read the article (and the Journal it's from, which is pretty interesting!) at http://marric.us/files/CSTA_learnjournal.pdf#page=76

According to these authors, here are the things that make up a child's learning style:

1.  Right or Left Brain Hemisphere Dominance. This information will give you an idea about the structure, independence, group/individual needs, background noise/activity, if they'll be motivated by peers or adults, and even optimal lighting for the learning environment.
2. Age and Gender. Considering these things will help you figure out lighting, mobility needs, and sound needs. For instance, the need for sound is stronger for younger children, who also need less light (the need for light increases with age). And as I'm sure you already figured, boys need to move while learning more than girls do!
3. Perceptual Preferences. According to the Institute of Learning, "Perceptual learning styles are the means by which learners extract information from their surroundings through the use of their five senses."  The different preferences (with links so you can learn more) are: 

   Print - refers to seeing printed or written words. Aural - refers to listening.  Haptic - refers to the sense of touch or grasp. Interactive - refers to verbalization.

   Kinesthetic - refers to whole body movement. Olfactory - refers to sense of smell and taste. Visual - refers to seeing visual depictions such as pictures and graphs.

   
   Studies have shown that in order to score the highest on evaluations of learning, the child should first be presented with the material in his or her perceptual preference, then that material should be reinforced by their secondary or tertiary preference (. So for example, my son is very visual. I might show him a video of a Magic School bus episode or a picture book about germs first, then I might reinforce that lesson by doing a hands on germ experiment (to meet his secondary preference for kinesthetic), and end by him listening to a song about germs (aural).
4. Social Preference. In general, small groups are best for young students (as opposed to them doing work on their own without teacher involvement), heavy social learning in Jr. High, and then tapering off to do work independently and without as much teacher involvement in High School. This can all be affected by the student, though, so remember that your child is an individual and watch (and ask) to see how he or she learns best among peers and with/without a teacher!
5. Time of Day. Is your child a morning, afternoon, or evening person? IOWA achievement test scores were significantly higher in the research when children were administered the test during the time of day that matched them best! I can vouch for this personally as I know my daughter does best with her most challenging subjects (her reading to me) in the morning, but then listens the best in the evening (if I'm reading to her).
6. Mobility Needs. (I'm going to paraphrase from the article here). A bunch of kids were sent to psychologists for hyperactivity assessments. What did the psychologists say? That the kids were just "normal kids" with higher mobility needs--they were not actually hyperactive. Furthermore, the research found that the typical classroom environment was actually HURTING the education of the high mobility needs of (mainly) boys. Yikes! So instead of running to medication or discipline, consider the possibility that your boy might just be a boy and might just need to run around. 
   

Put it all together, and you'll have a really clear picture of what your child needs in order to learn and succeed the best! Learning styles are more than just being partial to sight, sound, or hands on. How do you think you learn best, and how do you think your kids learn best after reading this post?

When Your 4-Year-Old Won't Go To Sleep

My son wouldn’t go to bed. It was probably because he slept in late (I let him—it was the first Saturday we’d had as a family in a LONG time) and because he randomly put himself down for a nap during the day (huh?!). I lectured him. I threatened him with grounding. I took things away. He just wouldn’t stay in bed.

I got angry and was just about to fight him when I stopped and realized that he’s Four. And Four turns into Five awful quickly. Five turns into Seven and before you know it, Never Land is something you read about instead of something you experience. And I don’t want to let this fleeting moment go without experiencing it.

So instead of fighting, I told him to grab a bowl. He didn’t miss a beat, pulled up a chair, grabbed some lemonade, and we ate Fire Chips together (Doritos—don’t judge me about the red dye, this is rare).

He showed me his muscles. “Mom, feel them!” He explained how these muscles punch the monsters so they aren’t a problem. “Pow!”

I learned that he wants to “be a giant, like a T-Rex” when he grows up and I watched his face grow disbelief when I told him there would be dinosaurs in Heaven.

He slapped his forehead and grumbled when “the little girl upstairs is crying!” (who is actually Eight, and I’m sure nearly a grown up in his mind). And even though he has no idea who Macaulay Culkin is, he did the Home Alone face when he realized there are TWO Cheerios boxes sitting on top of the fridge. Those are his favorite. Well, not really, but I don’t buy his “favorite” ones, the horrible mother that I am.

We never sit, just the two of us. And never with silence around us. The stillness of the moment gave him the opportunity to explore the stack of old fashioned paper straws that were on the table. I had grumbled through picking them up off of his floor an hour earlier. They’re school manipulatives and are supposed to be helping him learn to count, not to be strewn around, bent, and left to Little Boy ways. But now, he told me to watch because when he spun them, “they go up and down.” Something he would have never learned if he simply used them for counting. He intentionally dropped two on the floor and told me he’s sorry, only to then meet me with a handsome grin when I immediately picked up my own and promptly dropped it on the floor, too.

We talked about art projects he and his older sister had done. He wanted to know if I’d picked his up off the floor where he had left it. Of course, I had. These things are precious to me. And tonight, I got to take time to show that the child who had made that piece of art is precious to me, too.

Thank you, Timmy, for the honor of being your Mommy.

Tips for Being Productive At Home

One thing that many moms struggle with is utilizing their time while at home. This doesn't just apply to stay at home moms, either! Often, we know that this is a problem but we don't know where to even begin in a way that will actually improve the situation. Fortunately, you can improve your own productivity and thus reduce your stress by staying focused on a few simple things that will make a big impact on yoru day. Print these out and post them where you can easily see them throughout the day.

Before doing anything else, ask yourself this question to see if you should even include what you're doing in your schedule:

Does this benefit myself or my family? Does this harm anyone? Am I intrinsically fulfilled by doing this? Does doing this in the way that I am and the amount of time I spend on it a true reflection of what I value and who I want to be?

Once you have established how you should approach the actions that make up your day by answering the above questions, then you can begin to apply the following rules to help yourself be more productive.

• Set a limit on your screen time. This means Facebook, Blogging, TV watching, texting, surfing the web, and checking email. Don't trick yourself by thinking that your searching for deals online is exempt from this rule! What used to be chatting on the phone for our own moms when they were raising us has now become playing games on our smart phones and getting into debates on Facebook, or even gossiping in online message board forums for us. Find a number that is reasonable (whether 20 minutes or an hour), and stick to it. Get a timer!
• Make a menu. These are easy to do, don't take a ton of time, and can be saved to reuse in the following weeks or months. You can make these weekly or monthly, and you'll find that it'll reduce your grocery bill, the amount of food you waste, and make you feel way more on top of your home management!
• Rest. It's important to find time to rejuvinate yourself, whether it's by getting a good night's sleep, reading a book, working out, or meditating. This will not only improve your mood, but also your productivity!
• Make a chore schedule. Include who's laundry gets done on what days (don't forget towels, sheets, and diapers!), the "daily" chores like sweeping and dishes, as well as the "monthly" chores like mopping and scrubbing the bathtub. Even better, put checkboxes on it so you can track and be motivated by your accomplishments. Include your children on this chore chart to help instill a good work ethic and family responsibility within them.
• Target your weakness. Do you find yourself watching TV too much during the day? Did you ever stop to think that it might be because you're lonely and lacking stimulating conversation? Try listening to a book on CD while you're folding laundry instead. By looking at the reason behind the behavior that you want to change, you may be able to find an alternative and thus eliminate the problem altogether.

Stop the attitudes about breastfeeding

I still remember, quite vividly, the day when my family doctor handed me literature at my firstborn's 9-month checkup. It was a photocopied group of papers dated in the 70's, and it was about breastfeeding. What is said about breastfeeding, was that if my child was still nursing by the time she was a year, then I was doing her psychological harm. Oh, yes.

I found a new doctor (after pointing out the problems with that literature, supported by today's current research, of course), and then left the facility completely when a different doctor told me that I was not allowed to get any more vaccinations for my children until I started bringing them for well-child visits again. (Oh, ok, sure, Doc, I'll get right on that!)

Then there was my husband at the time. I had to always cover the baby entirely with a blanket or something else while nursing in public. It was terrible. My baby was sweating, I couldn't see what was going on...sometimes, he was so uncomfortable that I had to leave the room while nursing our baby. He wasn't the only one, though. There were times when I would be nursing my beautiful baby in public (well, if you consider a comfortable chair tucked into a semi-private room in a department store "public") and a passerby would "politely" let me know that there was a restroom a little further down the hallway.

And then (oh no!), my daughter kept nursing after she was a year old! The audacity of me, right? You would think that this was a disgusting, abnormal, non-human practice the way that some people spoke to me about it. And you know what? I sometimes adapted the "it's my business, not yours, so don't talk to me about it" attitude. After all, it's not anyone else's business but my own, and it's not worth my time or effort to defend myself to everyone. I can nurse my child until any age I please. I can even do it without a blanket over her head.



But what if, instead of daring people to look our way while breastfeeding in public, we invited it? I'm not saying that we flash the girls at anyone. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be respectful of our bodies and other people's eyes when out in public. I'm not saying that we should force our breastfeeding ways upon anyone.

Woman nursing her child while talking to the president of Venezuala

What I am saying, is that if we want breastfeeding in public to be considered normal, we should treat it like it is normal. We should not go into any separate areas unless that helps us our babies nurse. We should not be so concerned about keeping our nipples from showing that we will cover our babies heads, hold blankets up with our teeth, and make our older children stand in front of us to create a human wall. Who says our breasts can't be both beautiful and functional? And anyone who looks at my breasts and finds them sexual while my baby is latched on has bigger problems than I am causing.

We need to be willing to discuss why we do what we do, and to not feel intimidated by those who "dare" speak to us about it. Greet them with gladness, because you are making a gigantic step in "normalizing" public breastfeeding to that person. Just think of all of the horrible fashions that have come out in the last few years. Interestingly, with enough exposure to them, most of us will start thinking those "horrible" fashions aren't so bad any more, and will often even start liking them! It's a fact of social psychology: when we are exposed to something new and told it's "normal," with time, we will accept it as "normal".

Stop the attitudes about breastfeeding. We don't need to picket, have "nurse-ins", and so on and so forth. We don't need to pass out breastfeeding symbol pins, or have designated breastfeeding areas. We just need to treat it like it's normal, because, well, breastfeeding is normal. And nursing in public is normal, too.