Morning

This is what I’m working towards.
This is what motivates me.

I want to wake up and just watch my daughter sleep. Right now, when I wake up in the morning, I have to get ready for work, pack the diaper bag, and then wake up my sleeping daughter so she can go to Grandma’s house. On the weekend, I try to take a nap with her but I can’t go to sleep because I can’t stop looking at her. As I study her face, I tell myself that someday, I will be able to look at her as much as I want to. As I try to memorize every moment so I can think of it as I sit at my desk later, I remind myself that this is only a season.

I want to sit on the couch and share breakfast with Pooh Bear. Right now, I watch as my daughter gets the pillows arranged so that she’s “comfy,” patting the spot next to her so that daddy or I will sit down and share her Cheerios with her and Pooh. I sit down only for a moment, and it’s only because I have to put her socks on her…but I want to stay. As I smile and laugh with her as she feeds me her breakfast, I tell myself that someday, we will always share our cereal with each other and Pooh. Together.

I want to stand at the door in the morning and watch the birds. Right now, we stand at the door and watch for Grandma to arrive. My daughter smiles when the van pulls up, but immediately clings to me at the same time. She motions that Grandma should stay here and visit while mommy holds her. As I burry my face in her curly hair and she snuggles into my neck, I wish that this moment wouldn’t end. I remind myself that this is harder on me than her, and she is always thrilled to be at Grandma’s house. I remind myself that I won’t always have to give her to someone else every morning.

This is what motivates me. I want to see my daughter grow instead of be surprised at how heavy she is when I pick her up after work. I want to hear her say “bye bye” instead of get a text message telling me that she just said it. I want to get the most kisses and even change the most diapers.

This is what I’m working towards. I will create an opportunity.