“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.”– Agatha ChristieHi, my name is Rachel and I suffer from Working-Mommy-Guilt (WMG). Yes, I need a support group. No, there isn't one available...but even admitting that sentence through the anonymity of cyberspace makes me feel shakey inside. Sometimes, my WMG is really bad, like on Sunday after I've worked the last 6 days and am about to go back for 5 or 6 more. I honestly have a mental breakdown on those Sundays; I am overcome by my guilt at feeling like I do nothing well, and then that guilt manifests itself as self-hatred. In those moments, I truly despise my own being to its core. I feel like I'm not protecting my daughter when I let other people watch her. I feel like a bad mama when her pediatrician asks questions that I don't know the answer to, but that any mama who's home with her baby every day would know. I feel like I have no control over anything. WMG is not a nice place to be, friends.
I have bad dreams involving my daughter being taken away by well meaning people, and me just standing there watching, knowing the whole time that she is supposed to be in my arms and that I wasn't supposed to let her go. I've dreamt that she's said her first word and taken her first step while at her Grandma's house. In real life, I whisper to her every morning that I love her, will miss her so terribly throughout the day, and that I'm sorry I have to leave her. And I also add that she is NOT allowed to do any growing up until after 4pm when I'm home again!
I am, however, comforted by the fact that God has a purpose for my life including what's going on right now. I take courage in knowing that this won't be forever and that I can take steps towards change. I'm learning to love my husband more each day, seeing his relationship with our daughter grow and flourish because he's able to spend so much time with her. It still hurts, though, and it remains impossibly hard to see myself in the way that I should.
Where are the other women who suffer from WMG? What causes yours? Is there a cure?
Hi Rachel,
ReplyDeleteAviva and I are happy to help you deal with your mommy guilt. The kind you describe is hard to read about and we'd like to help you with ways to decrease your guilt-o-meter. One immediate way might be knowing that you aren't alone in how you feel. Our work has shown us that mommy guilt increases with the ages of our kids BUT mommy guilt levels are basically the same regardless of employment status. Which means, even moms who aren't working, aren't using daycare and are with their children 24/7 may not be feeling any less guilty than you. It's just what induces the guilt that differs. You are doing the best you can do for your family right now, make a list of the things you can control and those you cannot. The stuff you can't control, either forget about or delegate em. The stuff you can control, put in order of time/priority. This might help to put things on paper so you don't feel so overwhelmed with the mommy guilt.